Machete: The Immigration Debate Goes Bloody

I am big fan of Robert Rodriguez. No so much his kid movies, which ironically Machete was in all of them, but his slam bang action films. His last movie Planet Terror was a fright fest of gore, zombies and the Crazy Babysitter Twins (don't ask). From that magnum opus was a fake trailer which starred Danny Trejo, the most grizzled man alive, as an ex Federale out to take out a Mexican drug lord and the US politicians backing him. When everyone was clamoring for this film to get made, especially Trejo, Rodriguez balked and filmed the greatest movie ever made. Well maybe not quite that good but damn close.
At 66, Trejo is still a commanding figure. Here he is a Mexican James Bond bedding Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan all in the same movie. My hero. Steven Segal makes his big screen return since 2002 as the drug lord that killed Machete's wife and child and he is great. I know I know I can't believe it either. As he plots his revenge he comes into contact with Michelle Rodriguez' She, an immigration freedom fighter, Jessica Alba as Sartana, an ICE agent and Lindsey Lohan as April a hot and horny execs daughter. Jeff Fahey plays the incestuous dad of April (Yuck) who has also set up Machete to take the fall for an attempted assassination against Robert De Nero's Senator to be. Machete of course kills everyone in sight with the help of his brother well played by Cheech Marin and is stymied by Don Johnson's piggish border agent.
The highlight of this film though is the extreme violence and the serious lack of clothes in the female leads. Only Rodriguez stays clothed as both Alba and Lohan get down to some discreet but awesome nude scenes. Machete is super cool, with only a handful of dialogue in the film for his character. This is good because here less is necessary. The line "Machete don't text," is classic.
There has been a lot hullabaloo about the immigration debate this film takes. Sure it's pro illegal immigration, a stand I don't support, but the characters are so cartoonish that you really can't take any of this film seriously. Every thing here is done tounge in cheek. So people like Alex Jones and the Drudge Report need to take it down a bit. There will be no race war from this film. What you will have is great time.

5 stars out 5