Sunday, July 28, 2013

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: POLITICIANS WHO CAN'T KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS

I can't decide if I am getting smarter or everyone else is trying half as hard to cover up their own incompetence. It was a non stop parade of stupid from what appears to be 99% of the planet. Are we getting dumber as a species or I am just getting better at detecting it? Let's see that long list of depressing runner ups.

1)First National Banks- More and more stories  are surfacing about people coming home from work or vacation to find their belongings gone, their locks changed and a bank foreclosing on the house. Problem is, it's the wrong house. First National in Wellston, Ohio did just that to Katie Barnett. When she wanted $18,000 for all the things taken, the bank told her to take a flying leap and acted as if they were no better than lonesharks rather than a bank. The stupid part is, she is now going to have to sue and, most likely, win far more than the $18,000 she is asking for. How is that good business for anyone? Anyone with funds in the bank should find a safer place like a tin can in your back yard because these crooks WILL steal everything from you and have proven it.

2)Gilberton, PA Police Chief Mark Kessler- This super dick went on a profanity laced tirade about "libtards" (I word I absolutely loathe) ON CAMERA. First off, the right uses the word libtard for any argument they disagree with making it moot at this point. I love it when they use it on me because while I may have social liberal standings, I stand to the right on gun control and fiscal responsibility, the latter being a non-existent entity in either political party. I don't think we use the death penalty often enough and keep prisoners alive for way too long, although I also believe that every person on death row in which DNA could clear them has to happen first for Justice to really occur. I am not a liberal, nor a conservative. I like to call myself a Progressive, or one who is moving forward rather than back. It gets lumped in a lot with the word liberal but are actually very different. But I digress. Chief Fuckwad here was apparently upset over the mythical gun control acts currently collecting dust in the Senate and went on a tirade about the UN, John Kerry, and Obama. He also currently belongs to a militia group. I'm all for free speech but when you're a pubic employee and are this gung ho over nothing imagine how bad someone like that might behave in a real emergency? Kessler needs to go and quick. He appears dangerous. You know, like most cops.

3)Seattle, Washington Police- This police force has been a disaster waiting to happen for years. Recently, they aided DEA agents in raiding LEGAL pot shops that have opened up since legalization a direct violation of the Constitution as the Federal Government has no right to regulate something not sold across state lines. This is tyranny. Also, this state leads the country in police bitching about people filming them even though it is perfectly legal to do so by any means, overt or secret there. Then there is this gem when a perp stolen a police car, and one of the pursuing cars mistook the real cops for the perp and rammed him, exchanging friendly fire gunfire, with each other. The fact that the entire department is being investigated for a cheating scandal on promotional exams explains a lot.

4)Mohammad Morsi- This man could quite possibly be the worst leader in recent memory. He took power, had a few good moments and then screwed it all up by not dealing with any issues at all, consolidated his power and rewrote the Constitution to suit his religious principles. Why does that sound so familiar? Oh that's right, here they are called Republicans. Morsi has been arrested for dealing with Hamas as well, setting off riots that have killed at least 80 Morsi supporters. Only a few hundreds thousand to go.

5)DHS- It has come to light that the DHS in their ever expanding role of government intrusion, have partnered with local Fire Marshals to now control all live music in the country. That is not a misprint. In order to have live music at ANY establishment in the country, DHS will issue you a permit for which you will have to fork over some money and a ton of personal information. Mike Martin, a business owner in IN, is having a hearing with DHS Friday August 2nd to protest this move. But for now, the Federal Government can say with impunity who can have live music and who can't. How is that not tyranny?

6)Halliburton- The mega company pleaded guilty for destroying evidence in the BP oil spill case for which they were fined a whopping, unbelievable amount of $200,000. Wait what? That's it. They made that in the time it took me to write this sentence. They also "voluntarily" donated $55 million to a wildlife fund. Whee. Let me break out the champagne for your unbridled generosity. 11 people died in this accident. No one went to jail. Halliburton got a slap on the wrist. If this happened in China, the CEO of Halliburton would have been executed by now. Which seems like a less tyrannical country now?

7)Eric Holder- Yet another constant on this site, Holder told Russia this week that if they extradite Snowden, the US won't seek the death penalty. Since when was the death penalty even on the table? He was a whistleblower, not Aldrich Ames. Conveniently, the Obama pledge to protect whistleblowers has disappeared from his web site. Shocker I know. Snowden saw what we did to Assange and Manning in order to get them to shut up and he's no dummy. Rumor is, he has damaging material that he will release if captured. The US had better be careful because if he has what he says he has, they might want to think about backing off a little.

8)Steve King- Can this man go one week without saying something incredibly stupid? This week bon mot was this quote:  "for [every DREAMer] who's a valedictorian, there's another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds -- and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert."

Not too racist there, Steve. According to this man, most Hispanics are greasy wetbacks whose sole job is to deal drugs and pump out babies. The fact that he is from Iowa, which doesn't have a huge Hispanic population, is telling. Can people stop voting for idiots? Please?

9)Amanda Bynes- The troubled "actress" finally lost her mind this week and was held for mental reasons at a local hospital. She started a fire in a random driveway, soaking her dog in gasoline in the process. This is definitely someone who can be labeled Damaged Goods and I hope medication might give her some semblance of life because right now she is whack job insane.

10)Politicians who can't keep it in their pants- We had not one but two flameouts in the democratic party this week. We had Anthony Weiner once again living up to his surname while San Diego mayor, Bob Filner groped one woman too many apparently. Let's start with Filner. As he looks like a character from a Dick Tracy comic strip, we'll call him Gropey. After being accused of sexual harassment from seven woman, Gropey said he will not step down and instead undergo two weeks of treatment. Two whole weeks huh to alter 70 years of behavior? Good luck with that. Ironically, he was scheduled to be the keynote speaker at a sexual harassment seminar for the military this week. Then there is Weiner who can't keep it in his pants, literally. This man is deranged. He spent $45K to uncover the "hacker" who sent out that picture of his penis the first time, even though he eventually owned up to it. That's commitment to a bit. Since the new ones have arrived, showing his wang for all to see, his numbers have plummeted, his campaign manager just quit and it looks like he may be all done. Why do both sides gravitate to people they know are douchebags who run for office? All we all that self destructive to not see danger when it stares you in the face. So congratulations, Gropey and Weiner you are indeed douchebags of the week.

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