DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: PETA AND BILL MAHER

I would like to start off with the fact that I usually really like Bill Maher and find his talk show Real Time one of the best talk shows in the air. However, having recently discovered that PETA (for which Maher is on the Board of Directors), is killing animals at record levels, the hypocrisy becomes toxic and Tea Partyish. I love animals, more than people, and have worked with rescue pets my whole life. PETA always seem to be more interested in publicity and fighting the stupidest battles, rather than doing their fucking jobs. Let's see those runner ups. Trust me, this week there are some doozies.

1)TSA- As if the beleaguered organization didn't need another black eye, the GAO reviewed the behavioral team the TSA has implemented, at the cost of $900 millions dollars, and concluded it was a giant waste of money that had no better chance at spotting a terrorist than random chance. Can we please stop wasting money on mythical terrorist attacks that are never going to happen please? If bad guys strike, airliners will be the last thing they target as security is already too strict. Wouldn't they go after a shopping mall or football game instead? Here is an exerpt from a classified report that was accidentally leaked:

“As of mid-2011, terrorist threat groups present in the Homeland are not known to be actively plotting against civil aviation targets or airports; instead, their focus is on fundraising, recruiting, and propagandizing.”

So why exactly are we protecting ourselves against something that even the terrorists aren't planning? To spend money of course on shit we don't need to line the pockets of the CEO's demanding the x-ray machines are used at every airport, and to hell with reports that say they cause cancer. We are blowing money on garbage and the sheeple seem not to mind. Baa your way through the security lines this holiday season fools.

2)Brandi Brant- Once one of the hottest women on Earth, this former Playboy playmate, now 45 and still looking good, is facing drug charges in Australia. Now you may be thinking it was some personal amount, but in reality it was 12 blocks of cocaine. Ouch. Brant was extradited back to Australia to face drug trafficking charges for which she may face considerable jail time, as long as life. That a hard fall baby.

3)Anti-gay customers at restaurants- For the second time in two weeks, a gay server was stiffed a tip by some cheap-ass conservative who didn't agree with their server's sexuality. Instead of a tip, these poor people got a lecture by some holier than thou douchebag whose penis is probably only an inch long and married to a frigid wife, or at least I hope so. What these assholes don't realize is that these places they are eating at better not be a regular thing or their food is going to be served with special treats inside.

4)George Zimmerman- Is this dick trying to share a jail cell with OJ Simpson? Zimmerman was arrested AGAIN, this time for domestic abuse against his allegedly pregnant girlfriend. First off, why is this guy STILL in Florida. They hate you there with the fire of a thousand suns. Time to move idiot. And second, you just left your wife and you've already knocked a girlfriend up in three short months. Your gun isn't the only dangerous object you possess apparently. Supposedly, he tried to choke his girlfriend, put a shotgun to her face and barricaded himself in his house when the police arrived. It's like you WANT to go jail. If you do, which seems very likely at this point, the brothers in there are going to make you feel real welcome. What a loser.

5)Tom Brower- Proving that the GOP doesn't have a lock on idiotic politicians, Brower (D-HI) took on the homeless problem by grabbing a sledgehammer and destroyed their shopping carts and personal items. Way to promote violent vigilantism douche. How this would reduce the scourge of homelessness is unclear but public outcry has forced him to stop. Hopefully, he'll be out on his ass come 2014. It would be even funnier if this cock became homeless himself because I have a sledgehammer I'd love to try out on him.

6)The police- Yet another week where the boys in blue come across as either hypocritical crybabies or dangerous thugs with a badge. Boston cops had a fit when a plan to outfit all police cars with trackable GPS was introduced. So let me get this straight, it's fine to spy on the average citizen 24/7 but we're going too far if we police the police. Please. Bus drivers here had the same issue and went on strike over it. We're all being watched all the time, so either deal with it or fight for us all but stop complaining that it's only you being singled out. On the flip side, we have the Miami police department again in the news, this time for shakedowns on poor people, including arrests for trespassing at places where the individual works. Earl Sampson has been arrested almost 300 times over the years, gaining exactly one conviction for misdemeanor pot possession. Cops keep arresting him for loitering at the store he works at. WTF? It had gotten bad that the store owner installed a camera. The tapes show an out of control police force using storm trooper tactics to terrorize the citizens, conducting searches without a warrant and arresting people for no apparent reason. This is your police force America. Enjoy.

7)US Airways- I don't fly often, but when I do, I try to avoid this douchey airlines at all costs. They suck hard. Now comes word that due to one of their awful stewdresses, a PR nightmare has unfolded. Apparently, a blind guy and his seeing eye dog got on the plane in Philly. After being stuck on the tarmac for over an hour, the dog became restless and put his head on the man's lap. When the attendant became enraged over such a deplorable action, she threw the man off the plane. 33 passengers got off with him in solidarity for this bitch being, well a bitch. I hope she gets fired. And fuck US Airways as well.

8)China- This week, China dropped a bombshell that they were going to stop buying US debt and planned to use the yuan to buy oil, or direct competition to the petro dollar. This could lead to higher interest rates, a devalued dollar and much higher prices. As if that wasn't bad enough, China also said they were going to straight enforcing no fly areas over contested areas over the South China Sea that both Japan and China claim. This could lead to a war between the two and us in the middle. China needs to dial it back a bit unless they really want the world to end.

9)Justin Bieber- The devil's midget strikes again with a horrific PR nightmare in his South American tour. He has been caught defacing property, wiping the floor during a concert with the Argentinian flag, showing up late for concerts and other douchey things. Even funnier, he has released five new songs over the last five weeks and not one has made the top 50. Enjoy your fifteen minutes because it is almost up.

10) Trey Radel- This asshole Tea Party fuckwad from Florida became the first politician to ever get arrested for cocaine possession. The fact that he just recently voted to have all food stamp recipients drug tested is the ultimate in hypocrisy. Plus, in Rod Ford style, he blamed his alcoholism for his drug abuse which are not one and the same. And if you are an alcoholic, I do not want you as a politician. Resign already and go back to trying to figure out which of Obama's birth certificates is real already.

 

11)Rob Ford- Another stellar week for this guy as his TV show was cancelled after one airing, ran over a woman politician during a hearing stripping him of his powers and mocked another in session for a drunk driving arrest. This guy is comedy gold but the people of Toronto deserve better.

12)McDonalds and Walmart- McDonald's was caught this week telling their employees to sell gift cards from the holidays for extra cash and to rip their food into smaller bites to feel more full. The fact that they have a hotline telling their employees how to apply for government assistance is despicable at best. And then there is Walmart who held a food drive for their own employees. When the people who work for you can't afford to eat, you are not paying them enough already. Raise the minimum wage Congress unless subsidizing these multi billion dollar corporations is considered a good business policy. It isn't.

13)PETA and Bill Maher- PETA is an organization I have never liked. They always seem to care more about people wearing leather or fur than the welfare of actual animals. Stories have arisen this past week about the fact that 90% of the animals that come into the possession are killed. A substantial portion of the money they raise is going to walk in freezers and cremation duties rather than saving them. Fuck them. Even worse, their website tried to play it off as some right wing fantasy concocted by KFC and Outback Steakhouse. They must have missed the NYT article that proved they are being part of an animal Holocaust that is killing tens of thousands of innocent animals. So I guess if it winds up on my body or in my stomach that's horrible, but if I want to pet a dog or cat that's too bad because they are getting gassed almost immediately. This is the biggest bit of nonsense I have ever read and no one should be giving a fucking dime to them. As Bill Maher is on the board of directors, he should be rightfully vilified for allowing this to occur. Either fix the problem or resign Bill because this is the worst thing I have ever read about you. The no kill movement is here and places like the Hopkinton Animal Shelter in MA is a wonderfully run shelter that will NOT kill your pets. Bring it to PETA however and guarantee their deaths. So congratulations PETA you are not only douchebag of the week but a serious front runner for douchebag of the year. Fuckers.