1)NY POST- This week, Lis Smith left the De Blasio staff after front page headlines outed her perfectly legal relationship with the soon to be divorced Elliot Spitzer. The headline read "HO HO HO." How is that news and isn't this the very definition of libel? She should sue something fierce and will most likely win. This is journalism gone horribly wrong and this rag should go the way of the way of News of the World. Boycott this paper until they die.
2)Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears- As a diabetic, I love sugar free products that taste great without that diet flavor I can't stand. However, for whatever reason, some products use a sugar substitute that give some of us the worst case of diarrhea ever. For me, it's Coke Zero. One can and it's a day of bathroom trips, praying to the Lord and vowing never to drink the vile substance ever again. Apparently, according to many, many Amazon reviews, Haribo sugar free gummy bears are almost guaranteed to so the same. Here's a link to the page. I highly recommend you read it and come back. It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC. My favorite was the guy who wanted to send everyone in Congress a bag. I suggest we all do.
3)Peter Schiff- I just don't get this guy. One minute, he can make intelligent, well thought out ideas and the next spout some of the most ridiculous nonsense ever. For those who don't know, Schiff is the CEO of a hedge fund, Euro Pacific Capital, and has predicted some the past crashes of the last decade. However, his understanding of how the economy works, especially supply and demand, is lower than that of a three year old. In an ill advised Daily Show interview, Schiff went on to say "mentally retarded" people should make less than a "normal" person and that if the minimum wage were eliminated more people would have jobs, such as interns who might make $2 an hour instead of nothing. WHHHEEEE! That is called slavery, something we are doing now. When all our money is going to food and shelter, with zero left over, we are working for nothing more than to survive, not getting ahead. That is slavery pure and simple. And we are allowing it. Meanwhile, people like Schiff have private jets, a huge mansion and servants. We get stale bread. Schiff proves my point that even the smartest of the rich is still pretty stupid for the most part. And we are even dumber for not doing anything about it.
4)The Italian Justice System- Somehow, someway, Amanda Knox was convicted again of murdering her roommate, for which she spent four years in an Italian prison, before being acquitted. Yeah, no double jeopardy there. The fact that there did not appear to be any evidence connecting her to the crime should have let her go the first time, which was a travesty of justice in and of itself. The Italian Supreme Court still has to hear the case and Knox will not be forced to go back anytime soon, or at all if the Justice Department decides to not go through with the extradition. That might be very wise as public opinion may turn violent over such a decision to give her over. For now, everyone should stay the hell out of Italy until they fix their very broken justice system. They suck.
5)Russia- Ever get that sinking feeling before heading off to work that you know the day will be bad? That's how I feel about this Olympics. Reports have surfaced about typical Russian greed sucking billions from the Sochi games into people's pockets, perhaps as much as 50%. That would be around $25 billion by the way. The fact that Sochi is more palm trees than winter resort has many worried that there may not be enough snow for the games. And of course, they are dealing with their own brand of Islamic lunacy in which Chechnian rebels have threatened to attack the games to hurt Putin and the West. Why are the Olympics always in some of the worst areas now? Next up is Rio, a hotbed of crime and corruption and then Tokyo, which is currently being baked in the world largest microwave. Good times.
6)Phillip Seymour Hoffman- I great actor was found dead today, a needle in his arm after a life long struggle with heroin. Why is this drug so popular? I have taken opiates in the past for various health reasons and never found them to be this great awesome high that everyone else gets. You know what it does to me? Puts me out quick. I have never understood the desire to feel nothing which sounds awful. Unless your life is truly hellish (and let's face facts that some people's are), then why do something that no good can come from? Oxytocin is the new gateway drug as people get hooked on it and then move to the similar, yet cheaper, heroin. Vermont is being overrun by it. Hoffman should have known better and now he is dead because of it. Hoped you enjoyed your last buzz, idiot.
7)Republicans- Speaking of idiots, the GOP was in fine form again this week with some real winners coming out. Joe Barton (R-TX) proved he is too stupid for Congress with this quote: "Wind is a finite resource and harnessing it would slow the winds down, which would cause the temperature to go up." Dear God, is stupidity contagious because this one's Typhoid Mary then? And then, not to be outdone, Mike Grimm (R-NY) threatened a NY1 reporter with bodily harm ON CAMERA after he was asked about the FBI looking into his campaign finances. Way to go dude. Chris Christie continues to plummet to hell as one of his former cronies sent out an email saying he had proof that Christie knew about the lane closings, contradicting the rotund one in a big way. The best had to be people like Ted Cruz denying he had anything to do with the government shutdown which, according to him, was caused by Obama and the democrats. WTF? How stupid do you think we are moron? There is countless hours of tape of you personally shutting the government down, including your faux-filibuster in which you read Green Eggs and Ham. Unbelievable. The GOP talking heads this week have done nothing but point fingers at everyone but themselves and it's getting old quick. For the love of all that is holy, if you don't have any new ideas please shut the hell up.
8)The South- If there was ever a reason to believe that people in the South are a bunch of backward hicks incapable of even the most basic of reasoning, the past week would be it. No one looks good after this "snowstorm" ruined the South again, proving they are incapable of learning anything ever that isn't in the Bible. Let's start with the government, which included a democratic mayor of Atlanta and a Republican governor, both wholly incompetent of doing something as simple as watching the nightly news. After the city shut down due to a couple on inches of snow, the governor blamed weathermen for the "sketchy" predictions, which turned out to be highly accurate. You know that thing that Republicans hate called science here came to bite them in the ass something fierce. Turns out both the mayor and governor were sound asleep the morning before the storm and by the time they got their lazy asses out of bed, it was far too late to do anything. Knowing they have scant resources to clear the roads, they should have declared a state emergency, shut everything down, including the interstate and everything would have been fine the next day. Instead, it was 2011 all over again, in which the exact same thing occurred. They bitched about what if they had been wrong and the storm passed them by and they would have been criticized for doing too much. The old adage of "to err on the side of caution," is apparently one not known by Republicans because it certainly doesn't affect their knowledge of climate change or harsh drug laws that don't work. They never err on the side of caution and we all paying for it as a result. The people of the South don't fare any better here. First off, in 2011, most of these same people should have remembered Atlanta looking like a scene from the Walking Dead, but no, as it happened three years ago, who can remember all the way back then? So everyone got in the car, dropped their kids off at school and went to work like nothing was going to happen. Then when snow actually did start falling, everyone panicked and left at the same time causing gridlock. Smart people should have stayed home. If there was ever a day NOT to go to work, that would have been the one. This is why we keep getting retards in Congress and as Governors because if you are not smart enough to know when to stay home and when to go to work, you are definitely not smart enough to make intelligent decisions about who should be running things. There is a good reason you guys lost the war. Get over it. So congratulations Southerners you are indeed douchebag of the week.
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