DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: THE NELSON MANDELA MEMORIAL PLANNERS

I am taking great pride in the fact that the US is not alone in monumental blunders as was seen this week in the debacle known as the Nelson Mandela Memorial Service. Let's see those runner ups in this shortened week due to holiday shopping I will be doing the next few days.

1)Liars- I hate people who lie for their own benefit and to the detriment of others. Examples are people who pretend to be in the military, fake rape claims and Congress in general. But the worst are those that fake discrimination or injury to get money and/or attention. Two such people popped up this week. First, there was the lesbian waitresses who claimed a bigoted family left a hateful message on the receipt that said she wasn't getting a tip because she was gay. Dayna Morales got plenty of attention until the family that allegedly left the note came forward and came up with evidence she was lying, mainly a receipt from the credit card company that showed they did leave a tip and the note was a forgery. Then, as her past came foreword with people who knew her calling her a pathological liar and her dismissal from the Marines for being AWOL, her character became suspect. The final straw for her employer was her claim that she would forward all money donated to her from her woe is me website to Wounded Warriors (one of the few charities I would support) which she of course never did. She got fired soon after. Good. Then came this gem from Georgia where some woman thought she could get a payday from Home Depot by gluing herself on the toilet and claim someone else did it. Unfortunately for her, security cameras pointedly show she is the only one to enter that bathroom for some time, meaning she was the only one who could have put the glue there before it dried. Hope her ripped up butt cheeks appreciate the effort.

2)Obama- This Republican in Democratic clothes reared his ugly head again this week with a leaked document that, while the White House denies, is most likely true. In it, memos show two provision Obama wants in the new trade pact with several world wide countries have zero international support and with good reason. According to the documents, Obama wants to eliminate drug pricing groups world wide, which would make pharmaceuticals skyrocket in many, many places, as if Big Pharma needed more money. The other was a elimination of some banking regulations that many have put in to prevent another crash like 2008. How are either of those principles going to help anyone but the uber-rich? The new pact would give corporations near dictator-like powers that would overrule sovereign states and the creation of an international court in which corporations could crush dissent legally. Sounds awesome but I liked it better the first time when we called it fascism and Hitler was the CEO.

3)Tila Tequila-Speaking of Hitler, Tila Tequila sparked outrage this week with some very pro-Hitler statements, along side picture of her in Nazi regale. WTF? Apparently, after an alleged conversion to Judaism went horribly wrong, she is now at the opposite end of the spectrum talking smack about Jews and how much she loves Hitler. Once again WTF? She went on to post about the NWO and how Jews were taking over the world. I think she may be drinking too much of her last name.

4)Republicans- Another week, another round of abject stupidity. First, the GOP House, always a joke waiting to happen, held a conference on climate change to get the "facts." They of course brought in global warming deniers such as Professor John Christy of the University of Alabama who claimed that only 52% of scientists agree that climate change is happening. This flies in the face of actual facts that show that over 97% of peer reviewed scientific papers show global warming is real. So where exactly are these mythical papers Christy claims exist? They don't and neither does logic or reason within any House Republican apparently. Incidentally, the odds of temperatures increasing as they have for the past twenty years without climate change being the culprit is one in 68 billion. In other words, you have a 400 times greater chance of winning the lottery than proving that global warming isn't real. It's happening. Deal with it. The science is OVER. We can debate why it is happening but saying it isn't is just childish at this point.

Then there is this bon mot from Dave Agema, a RNC committee member:

I stand for traditional marriage, not homosexual ones. The family unit is the basic unit in society. When you tear the family apart, you tear the country apart.

I worked with these individuals for almost 30 years at American. I know what they do. I know [inaudible] American Airlines with San Francisco said, "We could not land in San Francisco and do business with American Airlines unless we paid same-sex unmarried benefits."

...

I'm a flight attendant, you have AIDS, you come to me and say, "Tell them I'm your lover for the last six months." You get on the health care. American Airlines spends $400,000 before you die of AIDS. And he goes on to the next, and the next, and that's what was happening.

Folks, they want free medical because they're dying between 38 and 44 years old ... So to me, it's a moral issue. It's a Biblical issue. Traditional marriage is where it should be and that is in our platform. So people that are opposed to me that issue within our party are wrong.

Afterward, dumbass tried to claim the whole thing had been taken out of context, not realizing that the entire conversation was taped which proved him a liar again. Oops. Lastly, we have Michigan in which blue collar workers are actively trying to sabotage their own lives put constantly electing people into office in that state that fuck you in the ass at every turn. This time, the Michigan Senate passed a law making rape insurance available now that abortion coverage for insurance claims has been deemed illegal. So if you live in Michigan plan ahead on your next rape and get covered first. Oy vey!

5)Ethan Couch and the Texas Court System- Apparently in Texas, if you are rich and spoiled, it is perfectly legal for you to kill anyone you want. At least that is what precedent was set when a judge let Ethan Couch, 17, skate after drinking and driving and killing four people. In a novel defense, the attorney argued that since Couch was raised in a home with no rules and lots of money, he had no idea that driving three times over the legal limit was an issue and the judge bought it, giving Couch community service rather than the twenty years he should have gotten. Now mind you, Couch has ten years probation and any slip up could send him right back to prison. I still doubt he'll ever see the inside of cell though as his daddy's money must have bought some favor with the court for this rancid decision.

6)Rand Paul- This dick said unemployment insurance was unnecessary because people were abusing it to stay home for longer than they would than if unemployment went back down to 26 weeks. Nevermind the fact that there are at least three applicants for every single job in this country or the fact that people on unemployment are struggling to get by on the meager pay they get, according to Paul they are all just lazy good for nothings sponging off the system. Yeah Congress is nothing like that right? What a douche.

7)Sean Sargent- This 31 year old volunteer firefighter from Indiana was recently fired for Facebook posts. Now how bad could they be to get fired? Here's one post: "What do you call 1000 Niggers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start." Or how about this one: "“I’m just gonna come on out and say it! I’m a full blown racist, I dare a dirty (racial expletive) to try and knock me out, and oh yeah! Support your local klan!! 

Yeah, nothing racist about that? It is rather telling that the town he covers is over 97% white. Hope he likes being a pariah.

8)Nelson Mandela- Just kidding. He was awesome.

9)Nelson Mandela's Memorial Planners- The people who set this debacle up however demonstrate everything that is wrong with South Africa. The country is in ruins since the white rulers were overthrown, a fact that unfortunately seems to happen to every African Nation. I do not know why Africans of any race seem incapable of self rule, but the facts don't lie that once the warlord, dictator, or "president for life," leaves office for whatever reason, chaos follows. And South Africa is no exception. Crime has gotten so bad that some who lived under Apartheid almost, almost, have fond memories of it compared to the hell that is their life today. This memorial demonstrates all that is wrong with this country. The stadium for some reason was only about three quarters full, the audio system sounded like it came from a high school gym in Outer Mongolia and somehow, someway, a fake sign language interpreter, apparently with a history of mental illness and violent outbursts, spoke gibberish with his hands feet from Obama. Wow. The company that provided him apparently is in the wind knowing the gig was up. Nice background checks from all involved there. The bus service to the stadium was spotty at best and police decided frisking people before they got into the same building as some of the most powerful people in the world wasn't a high priority. This also proves my theory that state sponsored terrorism is a lie as this should have been a primary target and, as security seemed terrible at best, could have been a major victory. As nothing happened, we can maybe stop spying on everyone and everything as THERE ARE NO TERRORISTS WITH SPECTRE LIKE ABILITIES! All we've seen are the dumbass wannabees, rather than scary, well funded, well trained boogeyman. Stop lying to us already. See number one on this list for more on that. So congratulations Nelson Mandela Memorial Planners you are indeed douchebag of the week.