1)Babies- That's right, freaking babies. For anyone ever trapped on a plane next to one with colic, whooping couch and a set of lungs a free diver would be envious of, this piece goes out to you. Japanese researchers discovered that true to evolutionary norms, babies learn to fake cry for attention really early in development. This does not surprise me, as humans learn quickly and even infants pick up on things you wouldn't expect. It does supposedly help with the bonding of the child, but I still see it as a manipulation meaning that even as babies, we like screwing with each other. Aren't humans awesome? Sigh.
2)Cats- That right again, cats. I like cats mind you, but let's face facts, they usually seem like they could take it or leave us half the time. Dogs are much more all about you. New studies show that cats look at humans as just another lazy cat, albeit much larger and capable of tossing them across large expanses should one wish. Unlike dogs, cats were never bred for companionship purposes and still retain a lot of the wild, "don't mess with me attitude," that they whole heartedly possesses. I still want another after my last one died after 19 years (which is longer than any female relationship I have ever had which usually peter out after seven) and the entire time, I was staff at best to her. But I loved her still and so will all other cats lovers with their holy demons but this article does make a lot of sense.
3)Justin Bieber- Speaking of pussies, Justin Bieber is back in the news for all the wrong reasons. Seems douchebag thought it would be funny to egg his neighbor's house, only he somehow did $20,000 worth of damage. The only way I could think that possible is if he broke some very expensive windows, which is possible as a small bay window can cost upward of eight grand but I am wondering if this might not be more than slightly exaggerated. Either way, twelve, that's right twelve cop cars showed up, a police helicopter and a grumpy drug dog named Gus. In true American form, the cops demonstrated superior force when none was needed, searched the home of a white guy because of a rich neighbor bitching and walked away with a black suspect, Lil Za for allegedly having drugs in plain view, instead. That is satire in the real world.
4)Southwest Airlines- In what can only be described as insane, a Southwest flight to Branson, MO landed at the wrong airport, which was much, much smaller. The pilot must have realized his mistake when he saw the cliff approaching and, according to passengers, laid rubber to the pavement like no one in history. The pilot then came on as everyone retched on the overpowering smell of a NASCAR race to tell everyone sheepishly that they landed at the wrong place. Oops. As people disembarked they realized how close to death they came as the end of the runway was feet from where the plane stopped. Even worse, this is the second time this has happened in the US in the last three months. Are pilots getting worse due to the crappy pay they subject them to lately? Probably.
5)Chris Christie- This man is not having a good week. His ratings have plummeted, the newspapers and late night talk shows are making mince meat of him, the Feds are investigating him for misuse of funds, and even his closest allies are distancing them from him. His presidential chances look very slim for 2016 at this point. Good.
6)Reince Priebus- One of the few defending Christie is RNC leader RP, who true to form decried everything about Christie as "left wing conspiracy theories" to going back to the pseudo scandals of Benghazi and the IRS. First off, there is no conspiracy theory with Bridgegate but conspiracy fact. Several people within the administration made sure of the lane closings for political retribution, the very definition of a conspiracy. This dick has got to go if the RNC has any hope of attracting people with an above average IQ.
7)Banks and pot- It came to light this week that banks in Colorado and Washington are refusing to do business with and of the new pot businesses because of, and this without a doubt the most hysterical, bullshit response in the history of mankind, UNETHICAL. Yes that's right, the same people that crashed the economy while laughing about it think legal pot is going too far. As a result, owners are making huge cash deposits, making them a target for crime that wouldn't be there is the banks would do their fucking job! I hate the banks and so should you.
8)Glenn Grothman (R-WA)- This is the same butt I wrote about a few days ago who wants to eliminate weekends because who doesn't want to work seven days a week? Not this moron who only works 100 days a year but thinks you working 24/7 is great for everyone, especially Big Business which will use this to exploit workers even more. Is anyone ever going to get mad about anything important or are we still trying to rid the world of meat, words like retard and midget, and other equally unimportant bullshit.
9)Chad Oulson and Curtis Reeves- A man was shot in a theater in Florida this week for texting. The funny thing about this story is that it is not as cut and dried as it first appeared. The victim, Reeves,43, was texting during a showing of Sole Survivor and was asked multiple times by Oulson, 71 and a retired police officer, to stop. When he refused, Oulson left to complain to management. Returning a few minutes later, Reeves got agitated that he got ratted out and threw a tub of popcorn at him for which he was immediately shot. Now while I hate people who use their phone in theaters and have thought about shooting some myself, this does seem like overkill. On the flip side, someone asks you several times to stop doing something annoying and your response is to get even more so, probably deserved to get shot and killed. Stand your Ground will get used here for sure but I think this guy's is probably screwed and rightfully so. Still the life lesson here is don't be a dick because anyone could kill you for the smallest of reasons.
10)Santa Anna Cops- If you live in this town be aware that a jury just ruled that regardless of a video showing police killing a man for no apparent reason, the police can no legally kill you with no repercussions. Somehow, some way a jury acquitted two police officers of murder after they killed a struggling man, who was also mentally ill. Now I am not saying that the guy was a saint or was complying, but I know how to subdue people having taken martial arts for many years, and these cops had ZERO training in any of that. I have never seen a more disorganized way for multiple police to take down a suspect than this video. There was no reason to kill him and they did and a jury said that's fine. Another reason I think jury by peers is outdated and could replaced by professional, non biased jurors in which EVERYTHING is televised. You want to keep things honest, live broadcast every proceeding every day. You've been told the reason why they don't allow cameras is because of privacy concerns or lawyers playing to the camera. The real reason is the powers that be don't want you to see what a sham our legal system really is.
11)US Court of Appeals- I am still in shock that these groups of legal minds decided that allowing companies like Verizon to control the Internet could have absolutely no serious ramifications whatsoever. How stupid or corrupt are they because that is the only two answers that fit? I don't know who is on this bench, other than David Tatel, but if there was ever a reason for impeachment, this is it. These fuckwad supremes actually said that rich people can have their internet and the rest of us can have ours. Theirs will be a super fast autobahn while ours will be the George Washington Bridge after Chris Christie has another snit with Fort Lee. Sites like this and a zillion others will disappear, news will be corporate controlled only, and true fascism will take hold for certain. Innovation will also end as current companies will just pay to keep their services up and running with the understanding that any competitor gets locked out. Hope you like Facebook because there will NEVER be another social website page. Same goes for Netflix, Hulu and any other established company, unless of course Verizon decides it wants that part of the market and establishes its own brands and kills the competitors with denial of service. Prices will rise as choices are eliminated. This is death to our society. Hell, even Fox News with Sheppard Smith went off on a pundit they described as a "corporate shill." FOX NEWS. You know why? Because they could just as easily be offed in this new scheme which will send corporate control into the stratosphere and usher in a true fascist society. If people don't start standing up and opposing this kind of nonsense, there isn't going to be a country left. And for those of you for this awful, awful ruling, fuck off and die. You guys are killing us and you don't even see it. But history shows what happens when one side overreaches and trust me, you don't want to be anyone near this when it blows up in their faces. So congratulations US Court of Appeals and Judge David Tatel, you are indeed douchebag of the week.
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