DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: ISIS

Christ it's hot. Yet another year where spring seems to have been skipped and we went directly to summer again. But the big story today is Muslim terrorists that really suck at their job. They made a big deal about attacking something today, possibly London, at 2 PM EST. As of 2:17 they have done exactly squat, which is what they have accomplished so far almost everywhere. Why are we so afraid of a group that seems utterly incapable of even behaving like a subpar Batman villain? All they've done so far is try their best to eliminate all Muslims from the face of the Earth by turning the entire world against them with their idiocy and completely unwinnable ways. Good job. Let's see those runner ups.

10)Nestle- I am not that big a fan of their chocolate and even less of their greedy, evil ways, especially when it comes to water rights. They have spent years fighting the idea that water is a right not a privilege. They want to be able to charge for water down the road and are part of the problem why California has a drought. They have been bottling water there without the right permits for thirty years, but as I am sure behind closed doors they are threatening to move and take thousands of jobs with them, the government bends over and takes it. That is why out country is dying: corporations run the show. And Nestle is one of the worst. The good news is posts like this are driving their approval ratings into the ground.

9)Ben Carson- A brilliant neurosurgeon, Dr. Carson demonstrates perfectly that being great at something, no matter how difficult, doesn't make you intelligent. Anyone who can map out the brain but then turn around and say the world is 6000 years old, which I can prove isn't (hard proof at that), makes me wonder how mankind got to where we are. Why are so many of us so stupid, even in professions that must have beyond harder than most of us could do? I am a genius and I know there is no way I could have become a neurosurgeon. Yet, I also seem to be much, much smarter than him when I hear him talk about idiotic ideas like a flat tax, his views on abortion and gay rights and other positions that are not feasible in today's political climate. No person outside of the military has ever made it to the highest office without being in the government first. The best they have to go on is Herbert Hoover, who was a Cabinet member, and he was one of the worst presidents of all time. So good luck because your chances of winning are no better than 90% of the GOP, which is none.

8)Carla Fiorina- Yet another escapee from the lunatic asylum to be picked up by the clown bus, which is a short one at that. The former head of HP ran the company into the ground, fired 30,000 people and expects that to be her best selling point besides the fact that she is the only woman running in the GOP side. The women they keep touting always seem to be the worst candidates in the planet and this one is no different. At least Hillary has a record to run on. The last time she ran she lost big time and I do not expect her to last long in this exceedingly long list of GOP candidates.

7)Mike Huckabee- And the hits keep on coming. At least this right wing loon has a better chance than the previous two, but not much at that. He could swing a run in Iowa, like he did in 2008, but will fare fall less in more secular states like NH and beyond. His religiousness is a big turnoff, according to many polls taken that find him far more shrill and unbending that earlier attempts and this will play badly in some places. The chances of Huckabee winning again are near nil.

6)Jeb Bush- Most candidates this week did poorly one way or another, and Bush did no better than any of the others. I still think he will be nominee but one poll from Quinnipiac had Bush at 5%, and seventh place, in NH. Ouch. However, another poll had him tied for third, but he still does not have the commanding lead that Hillary has over Bernie Sanders, who still garnished an impressive 18% against Hillary, which is a huge leap in one week. Many are saying they would never vote for a Bush again but we'll see what the money train says.  My money is still on Bush/Hillary in 2016. Whee!

5)Scott Walker-Can we have one GOP candidate this week who didn't suck hard? One the back of an onerous budget that even fellow Republicans refused to sign, comes word that two criminal investigations are looking into whether Walker broke campaign finance laws, one of which is communicating directly with a SuperPac that was for him, a big no no. The whole thing is being prosecuted on something I have never heard of, John Doe laws, that are even more secretive that grand juries. Just what the world wants: more secrecy. Chances are nothing will come form this and it will be all swept under the rug. Anyway you look at it though, this guy is an ass who will destroy this country.

4)The NFL and Deflategate- The story I am most sick of because no one seems to understand that the game was not impacted by this, there is zero proof of any wrong doing (where exactly did this deflation take place because the place you have said is impossible?), yet everyone is screaming for Brady's head like he was Bill Cosby. Shouldn't the refs have noticed in this game, or any other if it happened before, a softer ball or is it imperceptible which would also mean it wouldn't matter? A softer ball will be thrown for less distance so why do that in the first place? This whole thing is a witch hunt caused by owners who dislike Kraft and the Patriots winning all the time. Boo Hoo. Get a better team. If his suspension is anything more than a single game, white people will riot throughout New England, which means we will piss and moan on line and sports radio. Baltimore we ain't.

3)Uber- Turns out this is a great service but a crappy job. Sounds like most of today's employment where if you apply yourself and work real hard, your boss can take a great vacation this year. A reporter recently became an Uber driver for a day to see if you really could make $90,000 a year as they claim. Turns out, not so much. After giving a whopping 30% of your hard earned money to Uber, minus insurance, car depreciation and taxes, the average worker will make a little less than 10 dollars an hour. Awesome. To make 90,000 than you would have to work 27 hours a day 357 days a year. Right. Can we have a company that pays it's workers and stop this mass incarceration we call full time work?

2)Wells Fargo- Yet another crappy bank doing crappy things. This time, the fourth largest bank in the country was caught opening multiple accounts for its customers, without their approval and then hitting them with massive fees for each one. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? People are now suing as their credit got dinged when many refused to pay. Expect a huge payout, which is nowhere near anything to them, and no culpability taken. Anyone doing business with people like this, Bank of America or JP Morgan/Chase are the true idiots of this nation.

1)ISIS- It's almost three guys and still nothing which is what I expected from the amateur hour terror group. Look, terrorism is scary, but we have to stop behaving like each one is some Bond baddie out for world domination. They have proven incapable of governing in the places they control, which is something Genghis Khan also found out the hard way (he hated governance), and are losing support world wide. Their attack, if you can call it that, in Garland, Texas, was embarrassingly inept surviving less than 15 seconds into their rampage. I have had hiccups last longer. The one thing they could still do is some attack on say the Pope, which inflames the world against ALL Muslims, which means the best they could hope for is genocide. No far thinking intellectuals here. It's like they are Ben Carson without the doctor part. This is suicide what they are attempting and the thing about terrorism is consistency. If you say you are going to commit this huge thing and then nothing happens, you look weak and moronic, which is what these people are. So congratulation ISIS you are indeed douchebag of the week.