Piranha 3D: Gory, Boobalishish Fun

This is exactly the kind of horror movie Hollywood no longer makes. Not only as an old school monster movie, but one that is a hard R instead of the sanitized PG-13 that we have come to know and loathe. This is one is filled with what Joe Bob Briggs called the 3 B's: Babes, Blood and Boobs. And this film is filled with all three in explotive goodness.
The plot, is as always in these movies, paper thin. Much like a shortened disaster movie, we quickly come to know all the future victims and saviors as they meet during spring break at a lake in Arizona. An earthquake opens an underwater lake containing thousands of prehistoric piranha that supposedly died out millions of year ago. The first to go, in a cheeky cameo by Richard Dreyfus, is a fisherman (an obvious nod to his role in Jaws) sucked down the vortex of the new passageway and eaten. From there we find local boy Jake (Steven McQueen), his mom the Sheriff (Elizabeth Shue), and her two small children adapting to the chaos of spring break. Jake meets local girl Kelly (Jessica Szokr) and Girls Gone Wild like producer Derrick (Jerry O'Connel) where he gets a job filming a porno with two other hotties aboard a large yacht. The piranhas show up, eat every one in sight, the end.
Really that's how the movie basically ends and you know what I'm fine with that. It is a little abrupt as if the filmmakers simply ran out of money but It sets up the upcoming sequel nicely. There are small roles from veteran actors like Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, and Eli Roth, who have fun with their tiny but important parts.
But the real stars of this movie are the fish. While a little too CGI looking for my tastes, they were still pretty cool looking. And the blood. Oh my god the blood. There is more gore in this movie than just about film since Dead Alive. And if you've seen that movie you know that's a lot of gore. And best yet, a lot of it was old school, non CGI blood. Thank God. There's one CGI scene that was very good of a girl cut in half by a wire. Awesome. Plus, if you like hot naked women, there is a bevy of beauties here. UK pin up girl Kelly Brock is naked for most of the movie. Oh the horror. The also hired several porn stars like Gianna Michaels and Riley Stelle so you know the nudity is going to be top shelf.
I have never been a fan of the director Alexandre Aja, whose last three films were utter wank, including the overhyped Haute Tension. But here, he revels in the trashy fun that this film is with his over the top gore and nudity. This is a great throwback to yesteryear when these films were all the rage. Now if we could only get someone to remake Humanoids from the Deep.

4 out of 5 stars