Sunday, November 18, 2018

CRYPT OF CTHULHU NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE!

My new book Crypt of Cthulhu is now for sale on Kindle for $1.99 or in paperback for $7.99. It is an anthology horror series based on the works by HP Lovecraft. Anyone donating ten dollars to this site will get a free signed copy which who knows may be worth money one day. Here is a sample of the book below:


Dr. Gestalt paced back and forth nervously in the isolation room of Arkham Asylum, unsure about what to do next. He fiddled with a pen, a nervous habit he picked up while an intern, as he stared down at his wards, no ideas how to help them at all. Four prone patients lay in the sealed room, and even with his vast knowledge (dual doctorates from Miskatonic University and 12 years studying under famed scientist Dr. Herbert West), he had no clue what was happening with them. A week ago, they were promising patients at the mental ward. Two were self- committed and doing much better than when they arrived, one was thriving under new medication and the fourth had a major breakthrough regarding her feelings for her mother. And then this. One by one they slipped into a catatonic state, going deeper and deeper until they lapsed into this coma of sorts.
     He had studied this issue for years and even he had no idea what was going on. Their motor functions were nose diving hard but the brain activity was soaring. He had never seen anything like it. Usually, the mind decreases when the body does too, not go off the charts. Yet, they were unable to wake them regardless of treatment. For the moment he was stumped.
     But then he had received a call from a fellow colleague a few hours ago, a Dr. Ng from Vietnam. He said he has seen this type of phenomena before and could help. He would be there within the hour, a factor that Dr. Gestalt was happy for because he had no idea what to do next.
     True to his word, Dr. Ng showed up soon after, carrying a large suitcase of sorts. “Dr. Gestalt I presume. I am Dr. Ng,” he said as he put down the case and extended his hand. Dr. Ng was tall, much taller than you would expect an Asian man to be, with jet black hair, tan skin and spidery, long, almost unnatural, fingers. “I came as soon as I heard about what was happening. I believe I can help.”
     “I’ve tried everything from adrenalin shots to shock therapy. Their mental activity is off the scale but their bodies appear to be shutting down at the same time. I have no idea what is causing it,” Dr. Gestalt said.
     “Do not worry, my friend,” Dr. Ng said as he opened his case, assembling a device inside. “I have seen this before in my home country and I am sure I can help.”
     “What is that thing you’re building? I have never seen anything like it.”
      “It is a device of my own design. I call it an Occulus. It will let me see what these comatose patients are seeing.”
      “Are you telling me that device can screen their dreams? Poppycock.”
     “It works I assure you. All too well I am afraid. It will allow us to see what they are seeing and once we have that knowledge, we will have a much better idea how to awaken them,” Ng said as he placed a small mirror on the top of the machine, locking it into place.
     “We?”
     “Yes, we. I need two neural minds to operate it safely. A single mind can get lost inside and reach the same fate of the patient if we are not careful. With two, that is near impossible.”
     “Near impossible you say? That doesn’t sound exactly 100% foolproof.”
     “Nothing is completely safe, Doctor. You of all people know that. But worry not, we will be fine. I have never lost anyone yet.”
     Dr. Gestalt swallowed his fear and asked “What do we have to do?”
     “Place this on your head,” Ng said passing him a metal helmet attached with wires, electrodes and flashing lights. He did so, feeling ever so foolish in the process. If he’s messing with me, he thought.
     “You won’t be able to interact with anyone inside, not even me. They won’t be able to see or hear you either. All you can do is watch, like a movie. Got it?”
     Gestalt nodded he did. Like Memorex he thought. “How do we get out again?”
     “Once the dream ends, we will be exited out as it starts over again. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.”
     “So their dreams are on repeat?” Gestalt asked.
    “If it is anything like past experiences then yes. Their dream will repeat over and over, revving up their mental state as their body declines. It is the actions in those dreams which will tell us how to awaken them.”
     Ng placed a similar helmet on his head and asked “Ready?
     Gestalt gave him a weak thumbs up, closed his eyes and waited for whatever to happen to happen.
     Ng flipped the switch and the world disappeared.
     He was nothing and everything all of a sudden, an incorporeal body overlooking an unreal world.  He was seeing a dark road, lit by lampposts and a full moon and little else. There appeared to be no life anywhere
     It was an empty road with nothing but snow as far as the eye could see which was not very far considering the conditions. But then he saw the headlights coming and was suddenly in the car and around it and under it, everywhere at once, noticing even the smallest detail. Even he had to admit this was really cool. There was a huge snowstorm battering the car around but he couldn’t feel the cold at all, nor smell the interior of the car, just listening and watching. It was very surreal.
     As he got used to his ghostlike body, he settled down to watch what would happen next, an invisible watcher in another man’s dream.







CHAPTER ONE:THE DETOUR



     Joe struggled to see through the blinding snow, wipers pumping frantically with little help, now miles from the interstate, and no idea where exactly he was. He and his wife were fine on the highway, heading east, toward the Cape, when they got detoured off due to high snow. Now they were driving around aimlessly, looking for a place to stay and wait out the storm. They were supposed to meet their boss later that day, but the weather was going to postpone that. They hoped he would be reasonable about missing the meeting, blizzard and all, but while he was a good boss to work for, he was also not known for being patient or understanding.
     “Any idea where we are?” Joe asked his eyes straining to see the road and any obstacles that may come their way. A semi had almost T boned them at one intersection and he still felt butterflies in his stomach from it.
     “Nope” his wife, Jane answered. “Not a clue.”
     “Stupid snow is making the road signs impossible to read.”
     Jane and Joe had been married for ten years and their love never wavered once. They worked together, which could have been hell for some, but they loved every minute of it. They actually hated spending any time apart.
     “There’s a sign ahead. Can you read it?”
     Even thought it was three o’clock in the afternoon, the storm had darkened the skies considerably. As a result, when they crawled past the sign, as speed was not an option in these weather conditions, it was illegible except for a single number that said “1 mile.”
     “I got nothing,” Joe said.
     “There’s a town ahead, one mile it said.”
     “Thank God. Could you read what town?”
     “Nope.”
     “Swell,” Joe signed.
      They continued on at a snail’s pace before finally emerging from the woods into a small town square. It was a typical New England town on the coast with colonial houses, quaint shops and not a lot of people.
     At the moment, considering there was a blizzard going on, there was no one out and about. No cars driving about, no people out in the snow, just eerie silence. As they drove on, Jane looked out at the area and saw storefronts, some long abandoned, several churches and a playground with some very old looking equipment in it.
      As they drove through the sleepy village, Jane noticed a statue in the town square. It was hard to see through the swirling snow but the veil passed for just a moment and she got a solid look at it. It showed a man, twelve feet tall, standing with his hand outstretched, as if grabbing for the stars, a book in his other. At his feet, appeared to be dozens of fish. It was very odd looking and as she struggled to get a better look, the darkness closed back in on it and it was lost again.
     On they continued until they reached a glowing neon sign on the edge of town that read Traveler’s Motel. Best of all, the vacancy sign was on.
     “Doesn’t look like much,” Joe said as they pulled in. “What do the reviews say?”
    Jane was scrolling through her phone, quickly reading what past customer’s had to say on Yelp. “Not much. No mention of bed bugs, so that’s a plus. Stay is cheap. There is a pool,” she said sarcastically.
     “Awesome. Let me get my swim trunks out.”
     “Seems alright, I guess,” she sighed. Jane really wanted to be at the meeting, afraid of the consequences of missing it, but the weather was impassable at this point.
     “It is four walls and a roof and that is all we really need,” Joe said as he got out of the car, heading to the office. Jane followed.
    The inside was warm and inviting, far better than the biting wind and whipping snow outside. The interior looked as if it hadn’t been updated since the 70’s with lots of kitschy colors, wood paneling and linoleum. There was a small breakfast area, which would probably be coffee and bagels in the morning, racks of pamphlets of local attractions and a front desk, currently with no one behind it.
     Joe went over to the bell and rung it. A moment later, a young girl, attractive and blond, came from the back, big smile on her face. “Sorry I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome to the Traveler’s Motel. Weather brought you here I would guess?” Her Boston accent came through strong.
    “Yup,” Joe answered. “I assume you have rooms available.”
    “Almost all of them right now. Winter on the Cape isn’t exactly a huge tourist pull. It’s 60 a night and I need a credit cahd as well.”
      Joe handed her his card as she put it into the computer and his eyes wandered about the room. The room she came from was still partially open and he could see a painting hanging on the wall. It was dark and colorless except for splashes of red that appeared to be coming from a disemboweled person strung up as dark shadows watched nearby. He found it quite disturbing.
    “Here’s your cahd back and your keycahd. I put you in room 237. It’s on the second floor near the back. If you need anything feel free to call. Oh, and here’s the password for the WiFi but be wahned that because of the storm, it may be kind of spotty.”
     “When’s check out?” He asked.
      “Noon usually but to be honest no one is coming tomorrow I am sure so as long as you’re out by three that’s fine.”
      “We’ll be leaving early anyway, if the storm abates by then.”
     “Enjoy your stay. My name is Debbie and call me if you need anything.”
     “Will do,” Joe said as they headed back into the storm.
      As soon as they left, her smile disappeared and she picked up the phone.
      “We have visitors. Thought you might be interested. Room 237.”
      Debbie hung up the phone and her smile returned, much more sly and deranged than before.

     Joe and Jane entered the room with the small bag they had which contained a change of clothes for each, toiletries and some snacks. The room was drab and average, but true to the reviews, it was also clean and bed bug free, something they checked for themselves just to be safe.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

WTF AMERICA? CURRENT EVENTS ARE WHY THIS COLUMN NO LONGER GETS WRITTEN!

It has been a while dear readers since a posting, mostly because no one is listening and this country is spiraling out of control. Also, my health is getting worse and as the GOP seems hell bent on killing health care as well as all the entitlement programs, my diagnosis looks grim. So, knowing that, this may be my final column where I tell America to go fuck itself. The fact that mobs of angry citizens haven't stormed the White House by now and dragged Orange Hitler out says it all. I warned you for years this was coming and now it is here. We are not facing a constitutional crisis. We are in one. And few seem to care.

At least until recently. Trump has decided to actually become Hitler and has started ripping children, CHILDREN, from their parents at the border.I would like to point out that this actually worse than that, or the Japanese internment camps, as they weren't even cruel enough to drag small children away screaming for the parents. Worse, some are never going to be reunited with their parents, meaning the US is actively kidnapping kids at this point. Why is the outrage not at fever pitch because of this?Yes, people are planning more protests and the like but we are far beyond that now. Now is the time for civil disobedience and even violence in some cases.

We as a people have to stand up and say enough or face the fact that we now live in a totalitarian state. Call your AG's from each state and demand the ARREST of any congressperson approving this tactic as a terrorism charge. Find out where these people live, along with ICE and border agents and make their lives a living hell. Do what they did to the DHS secretary to had the audacity to eat at a Mexican restaurant recently and was chased out by an angry mob. The time for civility is over. Now we must rise up and destroy utterly anyone who approves of this policy.

Also, if you see anyone wearing a MAGA hat or Trump like attire, do not serve them, do not act rationally or nice in any way, and if they so much as lay a finger on you, respond by breaking their faces. We have to start treating the GOP as a foreign hostile power now. Anyone still following the Republicans should be treated as traitors. And if Nazis decide to march somewhere near you, do what the Blues Brothers did and aim for them with your car. The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi. Peaceful talk and compromise is out the window. Your life is at risk people. Act accordingly.

Trump supporters have to be treated as dangerous as we are also coming dangerously close to Civil war. Corey Lewendowski mocks the plight of children on Fox, Laura Ingram compares holding kids in cages to "summer camp," and Hannity is as always, Goebbels. Advertisers for Fox news have to be held accountable and nationwide boycotts have to occur. Occupy congresspeople's offices and refuse to leave. When you get arrested go right back and keep it up until they capitulate. Stand outside their houses and let them know how pissed you are. BE ANGRY!!!!

Or you can do nothing and watch as everything you hold dear goes away. There will be no health care soon. NO Social Security, Medicare or Medicare as that is what the GOP budget plans on. This is what is at stake: YOUR FUCKING LIVES PEOPLE! So either get mad and do something about it or plan on dying early because that is where we are headed.

I hope people do something more than just some worthless march. That time has come and gone. Now we need to be disobedient and even violent if some cases. The fate of the world is at stake. So it is literally do or die people.

What is is going to be?

Sunday, January 28, 2018

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: RON JOHNSON, DEVIN NUNES AND THE REST OF THE TRUMP SYCOPHANTS!

The Republican party is becoming dangerously close to treason at this point. This week we saw several morons crow about a secret society that they felt was the smoking gun about a "deep state" attack on Trump. When that blew up in their face, their deception was revealed and at this point, anyone voting for any of these assholes come 2018 should be examined for brain damage. The Republican party is not fit to run a Chucky Cheese let alone the country. If you can't see that, you are no better. Let's see those runner ups.
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10)Marlene Johnson- This story is happening way too often lately. This 66 year old from North Carolina was found guilty this week of murder and will spend the rest of her life behind bars. Her crime? She murdered a woman who she suspected was having an affair with her husband and, of course, wasn't. So she killed an innocent woman and then went on to deny any involvement even though her DNA was all over the place. Why are criminals always so stupid?

9)Joshua Boyle- I didn't like this guy before he was accused of being a rapist dick. This is the same ass who took his pregnant wife for a hike through the Afghani wilderness because nothing says vacation like a trip though terrorist country. They were of course kidnapped and spent years as a captive before being released. Maybe the confinement broke him because he is now accused of 19 charges of rape, kidnapping and sexual assault. Maybe we should have left him there. Oh well, he's Canada's problem not ours.

8)Poland- There is a new law being passed in the increasingly fascist country of Poland that says history books are no longer to say that death camps in Poland are actually Polish. Instead they are blaming the Nazi for all of it and not admitting to any of their culpability, which is bull as like the French during the war, many there helped the Nazis. This is more revisionism where truth is blacked out for national pride. That is dangerous as history has a tendency to repeat itself.

7) The Grammies- I like all forms of music some more than others but no form is all terrible all the time. That being said the worst music being put out right now is by and far rap and R&B which has taken over country for being the worst form of music around. Country has taken a rock edge with acts like Chris Stapleton or fabulous harmonies with groups like the Band Perry vastly improving that cowboy crap we have been forced to listen to for decades now. Rap on the other hand, once a vibrant and powerful sound, has devolved into misogyny and racism with sad beats and little to no music ability. The fact that the Grammies are chock full of these terrible rap and R&B songs make me wonder if people with ears actually understand music anymore. Rap needs a reinvention like country has. Then, we can get back to some great acts again. Right now, these guys suck.
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6)The Flu- Many don't know this but the flu kills people every year and they are not always old, real young or sickly. This latest round is proving that as scores have died, many of whom were in their twenties and healthy. I have been lucky in that I have only had the flu twice and haven't had it since I was 19. That is probably good as my health would definitely be in the sickly category now. If you get the flu, stay in bed, drink lots of fluids if you can and don't go to the hospital unless your fever spikes hard. They can't help you. Our government was supposed to develop a universal fly vaccine but it never got the funding it needed and with Captain Dumbass in charges, he wants to cut that back even further. When we all start dying from the next pandemic, blame Trump. He will be the death of us all.

5)Sean Hannity- This guy is such a dick. On a show last week, he went off on how the whole Trump was going to fire Mueller story was "fake news," until one of his guests confirmed it did happen and he had to 180 it fast. Flash forward a day and Hannity is back to "fake news" again somehow unaware of his own program just 24 hours earlier denying it. He can't even keep a story straight on his own program. Who watches this guy?
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4)James Franco accusers- This is just getting sad at this point. If there was ever a moment that the #MeToo movement jumped the shark, this was it. Three more accusers came forward with "allegations" against the actor and not one was anywhere near sexual harassment let alone assault, which some were claiming. One claimed Franco pressured her into oral sex. That sounds bad right? Except for fact that they were DATING at the time. If men pressuring their girlfriends into sex is a crime, a lot of us are going to jail. Even dumber was another accuser who said she felt humiliated after he had the audacity to ask her to take her clothes off during a low budget movie. How will she go on with that hanging over head? Please. I worked in the film business and if nudity isn't your thing, find another job. I watched people destroy their career for refusing things like this because you get labeled as difficult. During the filing of our movie we had a similar argument with one of our actresses who felt it wasn't right for her character to get naked. Guess who got replaced? This is NOT harassment or assault and men have to start calling women out about it. Last night, SNL did a great skit about the whole Aziz Ansari thing were people at a dinner party were tripping over themselves not to offend anyone about their ideas on the subject. It was clear even from the women in the sketch  that these stories are going too far now and are intersecting with things like dating and sex and NOT assault. This is not to say that there are serious charges to be leveled against some. See below.

3)Steve Wynn- As I said above, there are a lot of stories out there that are nonsense. But for every ten of those we see, there are a least three that are true. Eliza Dushku's story about molestation on the set of True Lies seems true. Accuastions against Stephen Seagal, with a new one this week, also seem credible. But the biggest story was billionaire idiot Steve Wynn who was accused this week of rape, assault and harassment for years. He paid almost eight million to a woman who accused him of rape a decade ago along with more than two dozen other people coming forward with horror stories. This has proven a real problem for the RNC since they decided to weaponize the #MeToo movement when Harvey Weinstein got caught and they raised holy hell for his democratic contributions. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, they have a real problem as Wynn was the financial chair for the entire RNC. Are they too going to give back all the money he raised? Stay tuned for more how this turns out.

2)Donald Trump- Turns out he really did try to fire Mueller about one month into his investigation. Oops. And yet another lie from Orange Hitler. Worse, anyone interviewed by Mueller who stated under oath that Trump didn't try to fire Mueller is now guilty of perjury. Word is what Mueller has is radioactive to the nth degree. If this all comes out, Trump is toast and may take a good part of the RNC with it. This man is in very thin ice as the investigation is wrapping up. We should know by spring what is what. God know what will happen after all of this comes out but peaceful transition of power is hardly likely. Dragged out kicking and screaming is much more likely.
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1)Ron Johnson, Devin Nunes and the Stupid Bunch- I fucking hate Devin Nunes. If you vote for this ass in 2018 you are a true traitor to this country. This week, Johnson, Nunes, Getz, Gowdy and a few others honed in on a text sent by fired Mueller staffers that were also having an affair. In it, they joked about a secret society. Well that was all these brainpowers needs to declare the deep state was going after Trump and they were not going to stand for it. They didn't wait for any context as they only had the one tweet but that was the evidence they needed that heads were going to roll and this was the biggest story since Watergate. When the rest of the messages got released it was painfully clear that the entire thing was a joke and no secrets society existed. Oops. If I was running against Ron Johnson in 2020 I would run this bit over and over to demonstrate how unfit for office he is. As it is, Gowdy, Nunes and Getz should get the same treatment in November as none of them deserve to be re-elected. These douchebags are pissing on America and some of you out there are all for it. Feel free to move to Russia if you like it so much. The Republican party is proving to be traitorous to us all as well as ANYONE voting for these dicks. So congratulations to Johnson, Nunes and the rest.You are indeed douchebag of the week.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: DONALD TRUMP! AND REPEAT!

It's like a broken record lately. Trump does something stupid, blames the other side and a third of America buys it. Trump is 100% responsible for this shutdown as he did everything he could to make sure it happened. Ironically, in the past he blamed the president for the shutdown in 2013. Now it IS his fault. Let's see those runner ups in a dying society too stupid to know any better anymore.
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10)Tom Petty- Another death, another round of fentanyl. I was in excruciating agony for almost nine months and I never even asked for something that strong. Also, I was never a recovering drug addict who should never have had ANY painkillers as relapse will happen. Petty instead decided to take all sorts of painkillers as well as anti-depressants and for some inane reason, a sedative. It is no wonder he died. Heroin and the like are awful, pointless drugs. As someone who had to take painkillers and had zero problem getting off them, I have to wonder how weak we have become. Our kids all have autism, asthma and allergies far beyond what I remember. The adults are not much healthier. And heroin is EVERYWHERE. This drug has been around forever. Why is it such a problem now, beyond its increasing strength? Are humans becoming sicker and more prone to addiction because, let's face it, our civilization is dying? Maybe. It is not a comforting thought. Either way, stay the fuck away from heroin. It is a gateway to nowhere good.

9)Stormy Daniels- The porn star got pulled into the spotlight when an old allegation of an affair between her and the president resurfaced with barely a yawn. Is this really what we have become because I remember impeaching a president for a BJ? Trump could fuck his daughter on national TV and Fox news would celebrate as him being a true family man. The funny part about this is she settled for a measly $130,000 from Trump when, if she had sold her story to say the National Enquirer, she could have gotten WAY more. All porn starts are not brainless morons but Daniels is certainly not a Mensa member for sure.

8)Dr. Larry Nassar- What a perv. The former doctor for what appears to be most, if not all of the girl's gymnastic teams, was convicted this week of molesting dozens of young girls over the years, many of whom are Olympic medal wearing athletes. Before sentencing is to occur, one that will most likely see him behind bars for the rest of his life, the girls all got to say their peace to him. This dick had the balls to tell the judge it was hurting his feelings. WAAAAAA! She rightfully laughed in his face. Good. I hate people like this. Something tells me he is going to to do very badly in the hardcore prison he is headed for, a place where child molesters have a short life span.
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7)Woody Allen Accusers- For fuck's sake Woody Allen is not a child molester. I am sick and tired of watching Hollywood bend over backwards to go after these long discredited stories about Allen and heap scorn upon him with NO evidence beyond the word of a little girl who was most likley manipulated by her mother, pissed she was left by her ex and her adopted daughter (not Woody's as many seem to think). The courts found NO evidence about this, found direct evidence Mia Farrow coached her daughter and several witnesses, including her son Moses, say that nothing happened. Yes, others say something else and the one court, while finding nothing to actually charge Allen with, went off on him regardless, reading stuff into the case I am not sure warranted the charges against him which the same judge ultimately dropped. Maybe that judge hated his movies or something. The facts are though that he was never charged with abuse, the court system found no evidence to bring it to court and several witnesses have discounted what Mia and her daughter have suggested. Proof means something. This witch hunt is getting ugly. Plus, how come there have been exactly ZERO others to come forward with any accusations. Like eating just one potato chip, I have never seen this happen without other cases too. Just saying.

6)Dr. Ronny Jackson- This man is a traitor to this country and should be treated as such. ANYONE who lies for the president as this asshole did this week should be tarred and feathered as our democracy is at stake. With a straight face, he came and said the president was the healthiest president who ever lives. Right. Somehow, he gained an inch because there is NO way Trump is six foot three, 239 pounds. At best, try six one and two sixty. No one grows TALLER as they age. This guy is a fucking liar.

5)Kristjen Nielsen- Another liar who this week committed perjury when she said she never heard the president say the word shithole during a meeting, in which everyone else not a butt kissing Republican confirmed. Even funnier, she claimed to have no knowledge about there being lots of white people in Norway, the country Trump wants more from (ie not black) and her name is KRISTJEN NIELSEN. Talk about Nordic, Danish actually. But not knowing there are not a lot of black people in that area hardly requires being from there, just demographics. The Republicans are proving they will lie to protect their leader. The last time we saw levels of sycophancy like this, Hitler came to power. Do not think it can't happen here.
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4)Devin Nunes- He may be the second most dangerous man in Congress. Anyone voting for this ass should be forced to watch Floribama Shore on a loop. Fuckwad is pushing to release a classified memo that alleges to show abuses by FISA warrants by the FBI, allegedly so bad it could shut down the Mueller probe. From what I hear from people who know the memo is a highly subjective cherry picked evidencebcrapfest that is specifically designed to look worse than it is and in a partisan way. Several of his toadies like Steve King and Matt Getz are spinning this hard. 2018 better spell the end for all three of these dicks.

3)Tom Cotton- This ass is killing this country. He is far more radical than most in the Senate and his inaction on DACA caused this shutdown. He has been talked about being possibly moved into a higher position like AG. He would make Sessions look tame in comparison. This firebrand is sinking this country with his no compromise bullshit. He is up for reelection on 2020. If he is still has his seat, send him packing. Please.

2)Republicans- They certainly screwed the pooch his week. They managed to cobble together a compromise which Hurricane Trump torpedoed because, well no one really knows because he is maddeningly unclear in that department. They have not helped by digging in their heels and not negotiating one whit. It is like the Republicans have no idea how to govern. Mitch McConnell has threatened a one AM vote tomorrow but, even if all the Republicans switch back and the same five democrats keep their's, they are still at four vote shy. How is this a threat? Back my play or we'll vote for failure again? Does he understand how this works? The chances of them biting next year are super high as special elections are almost all going Democrats way lately, and even the races they lost, they made significant gains in. Generic ballot has the Democrats as a ten point average advantage. Past trends say they should pick up 60 plus seats, gerrymandered or not. The wave is coming.
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1)Trump-My God what an ass. He started off the week calling Africa and Haiti shitholes,which while not entirely inaccurate, is not something the president should be calling people out on. This helped torpedo any deal, further hampered by the president own inability to negotiate in good faith. Several on both sides have become exasperated by this, with one person saying it "was like dealing with jello." He would agree to something one minutes and change his mind the next. Anyone who makes Obama look like a dealmaster is really tanking it hard, especially as he is supposed to be good at this. Orange Hitler spent the rest of the week blaming democrats for the shutdown he himself is almost solely to blame. He again went after McConnell for not scraping the filibuster, which if it goes our democracy with it as whoever is in power will whiplash the country back and forth between radical positions the minority will have no ability to stop. Thankfully, as over sixty senators have signed a pledge to keep the rule, they cannot get rid of it as a simple majority is not possible yet. Good as this means there is some common sense in Congress. This guy is fucking dangerous and if you can't see it God help you when either evidence comes up that he is beyond guilty of probably everything you can be guilty of or a major war that wipes out most of humanity. Either way, when support for Trump leaves you are either shunned or dead because history shows enablers get fucked later. Don't be one of those. So congratulations Trump once again you are douchebag of the week.

Friday, January 19, 2018

WORST FILMS OF 2018 BECAUSE TRUMP WASN'T BAD ENOUGH!

A government shutdown looms and it is ALL the Republicans fault. Making deals to keep the government running is what Democrats did with Republicans for the last six years. Now they have to make concessions they are telling the Democrats to pound sand. Good luck with that strategy as a majority of Americans want DACA to stay. Add to that the historical issue that whoever is in power gets the blame for a government shutdown and multiply that by the absolute hatred some of us have for all of the GOP and 2018 is looking to be a blowout. But let us look back at those films that reminded us why the last year sucked so hard. There were so many bad films that some will be listed as a category with multiple losers. I am glad I saw none of these in the theater.
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WORST OF 2018

10)Animated films- Wow did animated films suck hard this year. I usually see at least one but only two looked entertaining, Ferdinand the Bull, which I hear was good, and the Pixar film Coco which looked just like Book Of the Dead from some years back and I was meh about. The rest of the fanfare was atrocious, from the idiotic Emoji Movie, which got a righteous F from many a critic, to both Boss Baby and Despicable Me 3, neither of which I made it all the way through they were so unfunny. But hands down the worst of the bunch was Nut Job 2, the sequel literally no one was asking for. We know this because this film made less money than any animated movie ever. Ouch. Make better kids movies guys because these were just lazy.

9)Gross out comedies/TV remakes- Much like animated films this year, comedies crashed and burned fantastically. For original fare, nothing was as bad as The House, which had such talent in it like Will Farrell and Amy Poehler and it still sucked anyway. Having a script is necessary instead of just putting the cameras on funny people and hoping magic will happen. It sure didn't here. Way worse were the TV remakes of CHIPS and Baywatch, which both had exactly one really funny scene in it and the rest was torture. The later was even less forgivable with some of the worst action directing I have seen in some coupled with a tone deaf soundtrack and bargain basement special effects. It was really sad, especially since they seemed to think Baywatch was watched by women instead of men considering how much time they spent on men's bodies instead of the obvious hot girls. If you are going to make a movie eye candy make sure you are pandering to the right demographic idiots.

8)Horror films- Get Out was brilliant as was IT. The rest were subpar. Flatliners was the remake no one wanted as the title described its box office. Hell the first one wasn't that great. We started in January with such crap as the Bye Bye Man which did just that after two weeks. Summer was no better with the Mummy stinking up the joint and Tom Cruise's star power getting hit with not one but two disasters (American Made which was actually a good film but died anyway). The Mummy was a clear remake of the Brendan Frasier one instead of making it into a horror film, which in hindsight was a bad idea. This films sucked so hard the rest of Dark Universe is up in the air. Also next time, don't hire a director who only has two credits and neither was that great. The worst of this bunch was the Snowman, a film that failed to film huge parts of the screenplay, making the decisions of A-listers to be in this shitshow much more understandable. The end result is a film that makes no sense, such as the decision to make a movie without having enough money to finish it.

7)King Arthur- I love the King Arthur myth having written about it extensively in high school for a term paper. Having seen every movie ever made about the king I can safety say this is one of the worst ever made. Guy Richie flames out hard removing key parts of the tale, adding in anachronistic ideas and really bad acting and you have a hard film to sit through for over two hours. Next time, read about the character before you make a movie about him. Trust me it shows.

6)Transformers 456- JUST! FUCKING! STOP! ALREADY! These films have sucked since they started and they are not getting any better. Thankfully this film tanked which hopefully means the end of these shitty movies. This is another Universe film that tried to copy Marvel and got spanked as a result. Let us hope the planned sequels all get squashed because I can't take anymore of these. Neither can most audiences considering the awful BO.

5)Geostorm- Disasters movies were all the rage before we had Hurricane Trump wipe out most of the country. This Dean Devlin misfire had everything that should have been a clear sign it was loser: Gerald Butler, sub par effects and a genre losing it's luster as we have to face REAL disasters every day, both natural and man made. I go to the movies to escape reality not be reminded of it. Audiences felt the same and stayed away in droves.

4)Book Of Henry- This film was so bad the director lost his job with the new Star Wars film. Ouch. Coming off of Jurassic World, Colin Trevorrow was hot property. Then came this film about a genius kid warning his mom about an abusive stepfather. Smaltzy as hell, the sickly sweet production gave people diabetes just watching it and they fled in large numbers. It was so bad, he got fired. That had to hurt. It reminds me of Eddie Murphy, riding high off of Dreamgirls and looking at an Oscar nod when Norbit came out and ended that talk. This was much the same.

3)Alien:Covenant- Alien and Aliens are two of my all time favorite movies. Three was okay, four sucked and Prometheus was back to okay. This latest one however is the worst of the bunch and beating Alien: Resurection is a feat as the original screenplay was one of the greatest I ave ever read, and then they butchered it on then big screen, rewriting huge parts of it for no apparent reason other than to make it suck. This one didn't even have that going for it. It made no sense especially as the film Life had a similar premise and that was way better. I was rooting for the alien to eat everyone and I guessed the ending way before the characters did. This film was awful.

2)It Comes at Night- Not one word in that title makes any sense. There is no It, it doesn't come at night, or ever for that matter as most of the film is people sitting around and talking about how sucky life is. Yawn. A plague has wiped out a large portion of humanity and some survivors in a remote cabin decide to take in a family who needs a place to stay and they start to suspect they have other ideas other than just survival. Nothing happens ever in this movie. Much like Mother, this was billed as a horror film when it was just a character study of dullness. The fact it lasted two weeks in the theater, with Megan Leavey only lasting one after opening the same week, says everything. This film was so stupid and dull I am stunned not to see it on more worst of lists. Nothing happens in the movie at all. Watch at your own risk unless you are an insomniac looking for a good night sleep.

1)The Dark Tower- No film in recent memory was this bad. This is my favorite book series from Stephen King, having read Drawing of the Three at least a dozen times along with the Wasteland and others. This film was nothing like any of the books making me wonder if anyone actually read any of them who was involved with this. Putting aside the fact that Roland is white for a reason, Idris Alba is probably the best thing in this movie along with Mathew McConaughey who does not suck as Randal Flagg. Other than that, everything else is wrong. The directing is terrible, the screenplay atrocious and even the set design is off from the pictures in the book. Roland's world is supposed to be dying and instead looks like some offshoot of Star Trek. Worst of all it is so short and gives no development of anyone or anything. Allegedly there is a TV series coming out but I wouldn't hold my breath considering. Avoid this film like the plague.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

BEST OF FILM 2018 BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T WRITE ABOUT TRUMP TODAY!

Here are the best films that I saw last year. If your favorite isn't on the list, like Shape of Water which I missed and am not happy about, understand these are ones I truly liked. And while there a was a lot of crap this year, there were also some real winners, especially if you like superhero movies which by and far were the best of all, minus Justice League of course. Let's see those winners.

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10)Mother-This film got some love from critics and an F from audiences. Part of that problem was they marketed this as a straight up horror film when in reality it was far more subjective and weird. JLaw stars as a married woman whose life in a country home goes bad when guests arrive and will not leave. The film gets stranger and stranger and even devolves into rape and cannibalism as the party guests become more and more insane and violent, This was not a film for everyone, the dead baby scene had many running for the toilet, but if you have a strong stomach and like these types of films, this one will haunt you for weeks afterward.

9)Get Out-What could have been a tirade against white people turned out to be a socially important, scary horror film directed by a comic who should have failed miserably at this but didn't. Jordan Peele is a front runner for best director and he should get it as this movie about a black guy finding members of his race being turned into Stepford wives in a CT town is really well done. The fact that Peele didn't go for the obvious racism angle made this a real winner.

8)John Wick 3- Any other year, this may have been my top pick. But because Marvel and even DC put out such strong work, this fell further down the list. Picking up a few weeks after the last one, Keanu Reeves returns as the quiet assassin, forced into a job that he does not want to do in Italy. We get to see even more of the Continental and even find out that it is global, with new tailors, gunsmiths and even a guy with blueprints to help our favorite anti hero. The violence is awesome and Ruby Rose is stunning as the mute bodyguard to the bad guy. A must see for action aficionados.

7)Star Wars: The Last Jedi- A lot of people I know did not like this movie. I was not one of them. I was actually thrilled that it was a new movie and not rehash as the last one was (not Rouge One which was new and different but the Force Awakens.) Daisy Ridley is gorgeous and I could stare at her all day, which is funny because apparently the Chinese say different. This movie is tanking there, petering out at around $50 million, and one of the reasons is audiences say the cast isn't pretty enough. Is the entire country gay? Part of the problem is Disney is putting out too many of these films and diluting the brand. The new Han Solo movie looks terrible for example and will most likely be the first Star Wars film I don't see in the theater. Maybe pull back a little guys as the world is getting sick of Star Wars.

6)The Big Sick- This is everything I love about films. A romantic comedy that thinks outside the box and becomes a real winner as a result. Kamil Nanajani wrote and stars here about an Uber driver who finds love with a white girl, even though his parents want a arranged marriage. When he breaks it off, she is devastated and in the process of getting through this, she gets real sick and falls into a coma. When he comes to visit, he meets her parents and realizes he made a huge mistake. The rest of the film is him and his ex-girl friends parents coming to terms with love, death and mistakes. Best of all, this is a true story about how Kamil met his wife in real life. Don't miss this great film which better be up for best picture.
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5)Spiderman- This movie should have sucked. It was the third reboot in a decades and the last two were just awful. But, when Marvel got involved again, they knocked it out of the park with this tale of high school Peter Parker (which is really what the character is) fighting the Vulture, played expertly by Michael Keaton. This movie is funny, sharp and fits right into the Marvel universe. We will see him again in Infinity Wars later this year which will probably be the greatest film ever made.

4)Guardians of the Galaxy 2- Another film that any other year may have hit the top spot. This was a winner in which the break out star was David Batista's Drax who was probably the funniest person in all of cinema last year. Considering how bad the comedies were this year that is not a high bar. Baby Groot got a lot of love, but Rocket was also a huge part of the movie as was Michael Rooker and Nebula who really added a lot of depth to what could have been a silly movie. And no film with Kurt Russel can ever really suck. This film was awesome and they too will be seen again in Infinity Wars, giving Thor a ride home apparently according to the previews.

3)IT- This was a really scary horror film that I will watching again real soon. Pennywise was terrifying and the cast, which had to measure up to the excellent ABC miniseries,  knocked it out of the park. Finn Wolfhard did double duty as both Richie and Stranger Things this year as he was the go to kid for 80's retro films and Sophia Lillis was a breakout star here. Expect to see her in many more things, like Millie Bobby Brown as 11 is now too. The first attempt at a screenplay died and thank god because this was way better than what I heard they wanted to do like change the names of everyone for no apparent reason. Watch this with the lights on.

2)Wonder Woman- The only good film from DC so far was awesome. Gal Gadot shines as the title character in such strong ways I am pissed she isn't up for best actress anywhere. Christ, best picture should be given to this anti war film but it won't because that gay drama about underage homosexuality is still up for awards, which strikes me as odd in the days of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein. They do know this kind of stuff is unacceptable now right? I could stare at her reading the phone book and be happy
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1)Thor:Ragnarock- This film Ragnarocked. I knew it would as I am a huge fan of the director who I still felt got robbed of awards last year for the funny, charming Hunt for The Wilderpeople. By and far, this and Guardians were the two funniest movies of the year. Considering neither was actually one, that means comedies this year sucked and they did as you will see on my worst of lost coming soon. Hulk's face plant was hilarious and I am still laughing about it. From Jeff Goldblum as the Grandmaster to Loki having to team up with Thor, this film was non stop action and hilarity. I cannot wait to watch it again and again.

Runner ups- The Shape of Water, The Belko Experiment, Hitman's Bodyguard, The Foreigner, Logan, Kong: Skull Island, Dunkirk, Kingsman 2, Blade Runner 2049.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

DONALD TRUMP IS SUCH A DOUCHEBAG THE WORLD MAY END BECAUSE OF HIM!

I warned people that if Trump became president, the world would most likely end. That prediction appears to be coming true in spades. Even worse, the Republican party is aiding and abetting him in true treasonous form. Our democracy is on the ropes and a third of this country is applauding it. What the fuck is going on anymore?
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The fact that traffic to this website has dwindled drastically tells me that no one cares anymore. I've told you what would happen for almost eight years now. It is the reason I write this as I was correct that mankind is too far gone to do anything about it. I also did it to see if one person can make a difference. The answer sadly is no. And it's getting worse. Stupidity is celebrated. Fame is the end game over substance. And because we cannot look at anything rationally anymore, our entire civilization is about to go poof.

Trump's shithole statement just threw cold water over any deal that could have been made with the democrats. As a result, there is a 75% chance of a government shutdown. Trump has been screaming about building the border wall which Democrats are never going to go for. DACA has been held up by the Freedom Caucus who want no part of it. They cannot pass a bill without democratic help and instead of negotiating, a factor that somehow our current president is WAY worse than Obama (a huge feat as until now, he was one of the worst presidents when it came to deals), he has stalled talks completely. Trump really is a moron as I have never seen anyone this bad at making deals, the ONE fucking thing he is supposed to be good at it and isn't.

Trump epitomizes the modern rich: stupid beyond words. They got their money not through skill or hard work but by luck or inheritance. As a result, they lost huge sums of money but made windfalls to cover those loses with other factors that went their way. Anyone else without unlimited funds would have lost it all years ago. Trump declared bankruptcy six times to avoid that which would have felled a poorer person. He isn't good at anything. He just has a lot of money helped by a system designed to keep him rich and the rest of us poor.
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When the government does shut down, most people are going to blame him and the Republicans according to several polls and they should as they are to blame here. There is a bipartisan bill that would pass the House and Senate, but Trump and the GOP leadership don't want to do that. So let's be clear, the only reason the government shuts down is because Trump, Ryan and McConnell are assholes not because the Democrats are dragging their feet. And that is going to sink them even further in November.

That is if we even get to November. Chances are high we go to war with North Korea long before that. After Hawaii got the scare of their of their lives thinking they had minutes to live, Japan just did the exact same thing. So either we have systems world wide to warn us of an incoming attack that are alarming way too easy to activate or this is done on purpose for nefarious reasons. I have a harder time trying to get out of Amazon Prime. Unlike America though, the Japanese went about their business as usual instead of panicking like the US did. The reason? They said why panic as they had no idea where to go and they would probably die soon anyway. Japanese people are weird in this but I like that attitude. I still think there are a few people who, thinking they were going to die, professed their love to another or told their boss to fuck off or slept with you roommate in what you thought would be your first and last gay encounter only to realize it was a mistake.

There is also another possibility that these tests are being done ON PURPOSE. There are psychological tests that could be given to us to see how we would react in the face of death. In that context, Japan passed while we acted like drunken idiots. Figures. The more likely explanation though is human stupidity. The election of Donald Trump proved there is no invisible hand fixing elections (unless the Russian count) and there is no Illuminati running the world. No way would they let that happen as it has destabilized a world they need to live on too.

We know that 46,000 troops went somewhere, most likley South Korea or Japan. We know that there are several aircraft carriers and at least one nuclear powered sub off the coast. We know they have been training several groups for things like nuclear disarmament plans against them, assassinations of Kim Jun Un, and the effect of drone strikes on their infrastructure. On the flip side, we know North Korea is building another nuke test site after their last one collapsed killing hundreds. And we know that a test flight last year went rogue and wiped out one of their cities. If that happens and Japan gets hit, it is game over.
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We are headed for a collusion course with North Korea the same as the looming government shutdown. If we had a president with more than a single IQ digit, I would feel a lot better about our future. But because we have pudding heads running the government now, our time appears to be coming to and end.

You could have stopped all of this America. But you didn't. And now we all have to pay the price. We get what we deserve. We are all to blame for what will almost certainly be the end of the world. We'll see how much longer I keep doing this as, to be honest, it is barely worth it. I make no money off of this and few are reading this anymore. So if I disappear one day, know I did what I could but I have better things to do than this. Wise up America. Open a fucking book once in a while.