Monday, December 31, 2012


If you thought 2012 was bad, and it was, wait until next year. We face a catastrophe around every corner from global warming to flu pandemics to solar storms to Kim Kardashian and Kanye having a child together. It's like a disaster movie or a Lindsay Lohan project come to life. Let's see what my crystal ball holds for our increasingly dim future.

10)Celebrities will continue their fight against guns while starring in movies and TV that glorify said weapons. I find it funny that people like Jamie Foxx, starring in one of the most violent movies of the year, is in a PSA about gun rights. The same goes for people like Al Pacino, Jeremy Renner and Jessica Biel, among four dozen others, all who have starred in very violent movies while condemning legal rights for those that use guns responsibly. The hypocrisy is thick with irony here. Why don't celbs ever seem to go after causes right here at home that are far more pressing? Like poverty, the drug war, or the stupefying success of Chris Brown? Even when their hearts are in the right place, like Ben Affleck and his fight to help people in the Congo, seem to ignore the very real problems we have in our own backyard. Gun control is not the answer. Getting these raving loons who are killing people en masse off the street seems like a better start.

9)Global warming will continue to accelerate as deniers find their seaside homes under several feet of water. The facts are in and the news is that not only is global warming occurring, it's getting worse. Parts of Antarctica are warming at twice the levels thought, Greenland is becoming more and more like it's name implies and Arctic sea ice is dwindling to record lows. Yet, somehow we still hear from the deniers that none of this occurring. This is mostly due to "science" provided by the oil and gas companies who are paying for these deceptive results and, those that know no better, are believing them. Next year will bring more heat, worse storms and more death. Wonderful. And while all this occurs, more reports will surface telling us that none of it is happening, stupid people will fall for it and nothing will change.

8)Congress will continue to get nothing accomplished except band aids and platitudes. Meanwhile, the economy will continue to sink, taxes will rise and the Tea Party will demand an end to all spending, except the programs they like, especially ones that primarily benefit white people. The ones that feed small brown children and provide access to medical care for immigrants will be seen as the devil's plan while they simultaneously fight for and against Social Security and Medicare. The Tea Party is in trouble, but much like a wounded animal, this is when they are most dangerous. They will continue to spit and make noise but their political power will be greatly diminished. I echo the words of Grover Norquest in that I don't want to eliminate the Tea Party, I just want to weaken it enough where I can drown it in a bathtub.

7)Iran will continue to draw the world into a world war with their insanity to get a nuke. Look, I can hardly blame them for wanting one as any idiot can see the difference how we treat North Korea with Iraq or Lybia. However, a bunch of religious wingnuts with nukes seems awfully dangerous and I still support the decision to go to war if we have to to stop them. I know the government has a near perfect record over the last fifty years starting wars that were totally unnecessary, but this one strikes me as different. For one, Obama is not hell bent on going in there as the repercussions over such a decision are huge and he sees that. W he isn't. If the time comes and we have to go in, which could be as soon as March of next year, WW3 may not be far behind. If we let Iran get nukes, the chances for a nuclear holocaust accelerate greatly so the choice is a few hundred million dead now or a few billion dead later. Both options suck but one is clearly better than the other. This is one of those things that bears a great deal of watching.

6)The main stream media will continue to suck and not tell anyone half of the stories going on in the real world. We haven't been told the truth about much lately from much of them, ignoring things like the San Antonio theater shooting that was stopped by an off duty cop with a gun, the sweatshop conditions being used by major retailers like Kmart, Disney and Walmart in places like Bangladesh and China, or even silver manipulation by banks like JP Morgan.  How many heard in the MSM about the HSBC fine of $1.9 billion and no arrests for dealing with terrorists and drug dealers, actions that would have resulted in the death penalty for an ordinary citizen? None of these stories were covered. The most widely ignored story was the fact that an armed citizen may have been the factor in ending the Clackamas shooting with only two deaths, a fact not reported outside of Portland. Yet, we hear about gun deaths every day making the problem seem bigger than it really is. We have only six media outlets now and each is controlled by a powerful conglomerate run by rich billionaires. Still think we have a free press?

5)TV will continue to devolve as redneck programming becomes too intellectual and we are given such great shows as Meth Lab Central, a reality show about how to make shake and bake meth, Pimp My Wife, where housewives are given slutty make overs to prepare them for their new career in prostitution when all the jobs disappear, and Celebrity Diving, which is self explanatory and unlike the first two, real. We have gone from a new golden age in TV some five years back to a stinking graveyard where good ideas go to die. Reality TV has become such a parody of itself, it's hard not to watch. Trainwrecks like Honey Boo Boo, Real Housewives and X Factor are so bad, they are almost good and thus the appeal. People can watch and say things like," At least I am not fat as Honey Boo Boo's mom," "Those Real Housewives are real bitches," or "My wife may be carrying a few pounds but at least she is not a beast like Khloe Kardashian."

4)Music will continue to suck as music executives continue to hirer the dumbest mother fuckers on the planet to judge music. Trust me, I know. This year gave us such wonders as Justin Bieber, Nikki Minaj and Chris Brown, a short list of untalented hacks on a long list of terrible music. There were a few bright spots like Adelle, Goyte, Frank Ocean and the merciful disappearance of Lady Gaga, an act I like but was so overexposed it was getting tiresome. The autotune must die along with everyone still using it. And if I see one more Rebecca Black wannabe on Youtube, I am going to puke blood.

3)Some huge disaster will happen, the media will cover it half assed and the people responsible for it will walk away scott free. Happened a zillion times this year, so this prediction seems likely. Solar storms are supposed to be bad this year so let's hope the TV show Revolution doesn't become a "how to" guide. Flu this year is at an all time high in recent memory and many scientists are warning that another pandemic will happen, most likely soon as avian flu is mixing with surprisingly regularity as the world population spins out of control. There are too many people on the planet no matter what you've read contrary to that. Whether there is an elite in control of everything or if Mother Nature decides she is just sick of us, expect a mass culling soon. Swell.

2)Jobs will continue to be outsourced, wages will continue to fall and the media will tell us for the billionth time that the recession ended in 2009 (yeah right) and that recovery is right around the corner. Things have improved slightly but not enough to matter. Until the American public get a long deserved raise, nothing will change as the middle class fades from existence. The IMF recently leaked a report that said that Iceland's method of fixing their economy is working while Europe's is failing miserably. That story was reported by no one. Again. All the while, the GOP is calling for more austerity measures so we don't turn into Greece. So, let me get this straight, you want to implement measures that we can see don't work, and the ideas that would get us out of this mess, you are not interested in. Awesome thinking there, Lindsey Graham, as on the Sunday news shows, he threatened to hold his breath until he turned blue unless we did just that. Try it. I'll wait. Republicans are in for a rough ride next year with this kind of thinking.

1)Next year will be a turning point for the American people. Will gun control be the new law of the land? Unlikely. Will gay rights, pot legalization and higher taxes on the rich move forward? Definitely. Will some celebrity say or do something so stupid it will make your head hurt? Oh yes. Will a new television program be so stupid, your IQ will drop several points just by viewing it? They are already on now. Will some politician from either side say something and then immediately regret it? Not even in question, especially if they are a Republican. The new year looms. Let us all hope it is better than 2012 because this last year was just nuts. Happy New Year y'all.

Sunday, December 30, 2012


No group on Earth was as destructive to everyone, including themselves, as the Republican party and those that voted for them. It was a year of many, many douchebags. Let' s see those runner ups.

1)Piers Morgan-His anti gun tirades got old quick as he espoused total disarmament and ignored facts from his own government that once England did just that, violent crime tripled. Here in America, the more guns allowed, the less crime recorded. This is simple math at this point. Guns save lives. Getting rid of guns doesn't.

2)Diane Fienstein- Walking right into the crosshairs of the NRA and a gun loving public, this ultra-liberal overreached and proposed a bill that would ban most types of guns, including shotguns and handguns. Not only is this bill dead on arrival, as the House has ZERO chance of passing it, it has resulted in a massive blow out in gun sales, adding ten million new guns into a saturated market. Way to go, lady. If you wanted even more guns out there, you succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.

3)NRA-Being the polar opposite of Fienstein, the NRA blew a chance for a realistic look at gun laws that even the most die hard gun owner supports like eliminating the gun show loophole for background checks. There was no mention of  ending the drug war or putting away mental morons who should have been locked up years ago, and instead gave us an unrealistic attitude of putting armed guards in every school, which is not possible due to budgetary issues. They went on to further say that Hollywood is to blame, a totally bullshit factoid. We will never have any sensible progress as long as both sides are going to unlimited extremes that have no chance of success.

4)Lindsay Lohan- This was year that Lindsay finally crashed and burned. She was arrested multiple times, violated parole, and is almost certainly going back to jail again. While all this was occurring she starred in one of the worst TV programs of 2012, Liz and Dick, had her assets seized by the IRS for lack of payment and was docked ten grand from the producers of Scary Movie 5 (which looks just awful) for trashing her trailer. 2013 will not be any kinder to this fading star.

5)Patricia Krentical- The only human on Earth more orange than John Boehner, the Tan Mom was arrested earlier this year for bringing her five year old daughter to a tanning salon. She turned this horrific moment into a public spectacle of showing up drunk at a NYC drag show, where she was booted for public intoxication. She has added she would love to do Playboy which wisely has turned her down as they only showcase humans within their pages.

6)Jerry Sandusky- This dick used his charity to molest little boys and had the whole thing covered up by executives and Joe Paterno at Penn State. He is currently serving a life sentence where he will hopefully experience everything he did to those poor innocent kinds. Bottoms up, Sandusky.

7)Chris Brown- Whoever is buying anything from this waste of space I have one suggestion: kill yourself. You are as bad as this woman beating, neck tattooed of a bloody Rhianna, awful musician asshole. He is currently being sued for $16 million for a bar brawl. I hope he loses everything.

8)Lance Armstrong- Without a doubt, the biggest douche athlete of the decade. Lance denied doping for years until the whole house of cards came crashing down as it turns out he lied all these years. As a result, he lost all his Tour De France titles, his Olympic medals and any reputation he once had. He was dropped by every sponsor in spitting distance and was even forced to step down from his own charity. The only saving grace was at least he wasn't molesting little boys too.

9)Francesco Scnettino- This Costa  cruise line captain who abandoned ship long before the passengers even knew the ship was sinking was a true douchebag. He endangered everyone by sailing way too close to shore to impresses a pretty girl on the bridge, hit a reef and fled to shore before anyone else. He ignored repeated attempts by the authorities to return to the ship and was arrested soon afterward, responsible for the deaths that occurred. Hope you like Italian prison, ass.

10)Roger Godell- The current NFL commissioner, fresh off the NFL lockout from last year, decided to rinse and repeat by locking out the refs and replacing them with scabs whose past included coaching pee wee football and high school, and who, I think, were actually blind people. They were so bad, it became a laughing stock and people started not watching anymore and players were refusing to play. The owners and Godell had to cave to all the demands the refs had, as they all the power. The GOP should take a play from this outcome as they face similar repercussions.

11)The Koch Brothers- These double douches spent hundreds of millions of dollars and got zilch for their efforts except for a lighter wallet. Almost every person they supported lost in the national election. If they were also behind the Innocence of Muslims movie that set the world aflame, they blew that as well.

12)Radical Muslims- If you want to make a religion look bad, these radicals succeeded amazingly well. The made themselves look like reactionary monkeys for attacking embassies over an awful film, attacked and killed an ambassador in Benghazi just because, attempted several attacks that fizzled before they even began and made the whole religion look stupid as a result. People who don't understand religion, any religion, which is pretty much everyone from what I can tell, are forced to look like retarded fools who laugh at science, facts and progress.

13)Radical Christians- These idiots weren't much better when you have morons like Fred Phelps protesting outside of funerals because, according to him, God hates fags. Or take Harold Camping who predicted the end of the world three times and was wrong every time. These are the same Tea Party fuckwads who don't believe in evolution, the Big Bang and other proven scientific principles. At this point and time, that is just sad.

14)The Tea Party- They got their asses handed to them in the 2012 election cycle as many decided to use their brains and vote these asses out of office. Allen West, who epitomises the word Uncle Tom, threw a temper tantrum when he lost his recent seat as his stupidity became an obstacle to logic and reason. There are still enough of these regressive morons though to still fuck up the country for the rest of us.

15)John Schnatter-Nobody suffered more as CEO than this dick who cried poverty about Obamacare, threatened to lower hours and wages for his employees and watched his brand fall off the Earth as a result. He apologized, sort of, later but the damage to his shitty pizza was too much and his profits have sunk accordingly. Nobody should be buying anything from this man ever again, especially his terrible food.

16)Donald Trump- The NYC billionaire lost a lot of credibility when he announced earth shattering news about Obama and then made a weak pitch about him releasing his college records. For a PT Barnum type of the 21st century, he got squashed by an elephant. The birther crap sure didn't help. He was also recently outed on the website The Smoking Gun as being the least charitable billionaire in America, giving a paltry $3.7 million to his own Trump foundation over the last 20 years and a additional three million to others. What a dick.

17)Joe Apraio- Another in a long line of birther garbage, Joe held a press conference, like Trump's, shouting about facts uncovered about Obama's supposed forged birth certificate. Then the stuff he trotted out was all the same discredited crap we already knew about. Obama was born in Hawaii. Deal with it.

18)Angus T Jones- Making Charlie Sheen look like the sane one takes some work, but the actor from Two and a Half Men did just that by trashing his own show on a viral video. Apparently, fuckwad has joined some religious cult where we find that not only is he a raving loon but a virgin who has never drank alcohol as well. If you are 19, rich, famous and a virgin that isn't a virtue but a cry for help. Somebody have sex with this idiot stat.

19)The Kardashians- Kim is smoking hot but the other two, especially Moose in training Khloe, need to go away. X Factor was unwatchable before, but the addition of her as co-host blew up in the producers' faces as it turns out, not only is she a giant, she has no stage presence either. I have had enough of them whenever they talk. Kim should get into porn or something more dignified than what she does now.

20)Amanda Byrnes- Channeling Lindsay Lohan, this "star" had a full on meltdown this year where she was involved in multiple car accidents and locking herself into store bathrooms for hours on end. As I have never seen her in anything, I won't exactly miss her.

21)The name Sandy- Yes anyone with the name Sandy got dirty looks after being associated with one of the worst hurricanes ever to the hit the east coast and a school massacre where 20 children were killed by a psycho. I think Helen is a nice name, don't you?

22)Mental patients walking the street/ACLU- Thanks to the ACLU, state hospitals were shut down and way too stringent laws for committing people blew up in our faces as sick individuals shot many, many people, including a Congresswoman, and little kids. This week another man was pushed in front of a train in NYC by a disturbed woman and a nutbag set his house on fire and shot the firefighters who arrived to put it out. When are we going to have this discussion, instead of blaming guns and video games?

23)Gina Reinhart- Once described by her own father as a "devious baby elephant," this Australian billionaire and tub of goo came across as a greedy pig and looked the part all at the same time. She chided workers for being lazy for wanting a livable wage, said in the media she wished she could pay everyone pennies on the dollar for their work and has now bought out Fairfax Media making her Australia's new Rupert Murdock. Shameful.

24)Rupert Murdock/Fox News- They got their asses handed to them this year when a hacking scandal destroyed Rupert's reputation and Fox News became the laughing stock of the world. Rupert's hacking scheme against a murder victim was the final straw and cost him the paper News of the World and his last shreds of dignity, along with most of his editorial staff including his own children. Fox has become so hyper-partisan that no one is paying attention to any news they break, no matter how damning. If Benghazi hadn't been so overhyped with nonsense reporting, the Obama administration might have had a harder time with his re-election. But instead, everyone ignored it as it came from Fox, especially on the world news scene. Karl Rove's meltdown on election night, along with Dick Morris' hysterically bad prediction of the outcome, led to both being banished from the air waves. Let's hope they stay that way.

25)TSA-Another year, another rash of thefts, pedophiles and power mad agents. The TSA keeps stalling on testing the new back scatter machines that some say is destroying us at a DNA level. And a new report from a ex-TSA agent say the naked pictures are being oogled and laughed at behind closed doors. The new Gestapo in action.

26-The police- Speaking of Gestapo, there have been a flood of stories of aggressive police shooting dogs and people for no apparent reason. The right to film them has been protected on almost every state level, yet they still think they are above the law and go through extreme, albeit illegal, actions to stop those that are. If the Obama administration goes through with their threat to remove guns and the police are charged to forcefully get them, I leave them with the words of Colonel Trautman and the movie Rambo, "Anything else we should bring? A good supply of body bags."

27)Anti gun worshippers- Stats show more guns equal less crime, as John Lott's book of the same title shows. Weird eyebrows aside and some suspect data, particularly about background checks, a lot of his research IS accurate. This is a common disinformation strategy where you find one thing that is false and throw out the rest of the data because of it, even if it is right. States with more guns have less crime than those that have strict gun control. Look at the data for NYC, Washington DC or Chicago versus El Paso, Dallas or Phoenix. While it is true there are many more gun deaths in the South overall than the Northeast, this may have more to do with education and upbringing than guns themselves. Guns save lives but the media only focuses on when someone dies in the old, "If it bleed, it leads," motto still alive today.

28)The MSM- What a bunch of buffoons these guys have been this year. They missed major stories, like always, and those that have been reading this blog have found out info hours, days, even weeks before they got involved, if at all. We have consolidated our news from fifty outlets thirty years ago to six. It has had a chilling effect on the information we get. There is no good news anymore except through the web. Just remember the words of Lou Reed: "Don't believe half of what you see and none of what you hear." The media is lying to you on a regular basis. This is not hyperbole but fact. And if you don't believe me, good. Look it up for yourself and see the truth for yourself..

29)Jamie Dimon-CEO of JP Morgan, he lost $2 billion in derivative losses. Wait make that $4 billion. No, no it was $9 billion after all. We never did find out exactly how much he lost gambling the companies money away, yet he still has his job. Obama is supposedly eyeing him for Treasury Secretary. That's just incredible.

30)HSBC- The government fined them a paltry $1.92 billion for crimes that anyone else would have faced forfeiture laws and the death penalty for. After getting caught red handed dealing with terrorists and rouge states, they got a slap on the wrist and no arrests for anyone. If anyone needed a clearer sign that there are two sets of laws in this country, one for the rich and the rest for the poor, this is it.

31)Syria- Assad is killing his own people and the world watches, unsure what to do. Do we topple a dictator and watch the country decend into madness, aka Egypt, or arm the rebels and face the consequences later? There are no good answers here.

32)Egypt- Morsi ran the good tidings for ending the over too quickly Gaza war and then went power mad making himself a dictator in his own right in Egypt. Violent protests followed and he was forced to back down slightly. This is not a good sign of things to come.

33)North Korea- Supposedly, the rouge state is gearing up for a nuke test. What could possibly go wrong with that? Kim Jung Un, so far, seems a chip off the old block which is not not good news for anyone.

34)Iran- Ignoring the world, this rouge nation is hell bent to get a nuke, all the while claiming peaceful purposes for their nuclear program, nevermind the fact the country is flooded with oil. This will come to a head soon, most likely this spring. Good luck on that world.

35)Republicans- Yes it was a banner year for the GOP giving us such treats as Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnel, John Boehner, Eric Cantor, John McCain, Newt Gingrich, Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock, Allen West, Joe Walsh, Paul Ryan and of course, Mitt Romney, a man so stiff he made Al Gore look like Snoop Dog, oops I mean Snoop Lion (roll eyes here please). Yes all those snide comments made about women, immigrants (especially Mexicans), gay people, the young, the old, veterans, etc. really added up to a solid defeat on election day. When you piss off the entire nation, other than those that weren't white, stupid and religious, votes are hard to come by. And you guys got thumped in November. First, you made up your own stats, and then, actually believed them. Then, you made statement after statement that made you unelectable. 47% anyone? Abortion is God's will? Social Security is a Ponzi scheme?That was some hard core stupidity. The chances of you winning any national election is zero at this rate. And what have you done to fix this abomination of a party? Nothing. The fiscal cliff looms and we are headed over because tax hikes on the rich are beyond your ability to care about. If I hear one more douchebag say $90 billion a year in new tax revenue is not enough should hang himself with his own tongue. No it won't solve everything, but when you add it with other programs being cut, like the bloated military and other common sense ideas (Like actually taxing companies and raising capital gain taxes), we could be prosperous again. Fixing SS and Medicare are far easier than they are making it out to be because rich people are going to get hit the hardest, which is fine as they haven't been touched the last four years while the rest of us have been bent over the sink and ass fucked with a spiked dildo. The rich have made money, and lots of it, while the rest of us are being told to eat cake. A report from the IMF recently said that what Iceland did (fire the government and arrest everyone involved) worked far better than austerity measures which is odd because all they had to do was open a history book for that tidbit. Austerity NEVER works, yet the GOP is screaming for it here. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who votes for these idiots and Fuck Mitt Romney for running the worst campaign I have ever seen. So congratulations Republicans, all Republicans, for you are indeed Douchebag of the Year.

Friday, December 28, 2012


Unlike films which saw a massive resurgence this year in quality, TV has continued to spiral out of control with no end in sight. Reality TV has jumped the shark from "why are they still on" shows like Survivor or American Idol to the birth of redneck programming covering Duck Dynasty to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Most of the new shows on the major networks flamed out hard, with only a handful surviving the carnage that was Fall 2012. This is an exact repeat of the last three years so that should tell you something about network TV executives and their obviously outdated method of picking shows. I am thinking it involves a dartboard, some darts and a million bad ideas. But a few shows were unbelievable this year, so let's look at those first.


10)AMERICAN HORROR STORY- Last year's run was an incredible ghost story told in a new way. This year's episodes so far are unbelievable in that they have run the gauntlet of mutated humans, Nazi doctors, demons, a serial killer named Bloodyface and even aliens for some reason all in a mental hospital in the 1960's. And, somehow, it works. Easily, the most shocking new show on TV(as every season is new on the show).

9)SOUTH PARK- Now in it's 16th season, this show is still timely, gross, and very, very funny. This year it has contained such classic episodes as "Reverse Cowgirl," where the TSA is required to be present in every bathroom in America, "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining," self explanatory and "A Nightmare on Face Time," a classic spoof of The Shining after Stan's dad buys the fading Blockbuster business. Great TV.

8)FRINGE-The last season for this show is it's best yet where the Fringe team is decades in the future where a dystopian America is run by highly evolutionary humans capable of extraordinary feats. This is a series ending on a wonderful note. It will be missed.

7)TOTALLY BIASED WITH W KAMAU BELL-A new talk show on FX, sandwiched between Anger Management and Brand X, Bell proves to be a talented host and funny comedian, especially in social matters where he really shines. A lot of people may not be watching who should be. If you like shows like the Daily Show or The Colbert Report, this is the program for you. If you are a Republican with no sense of humor, perhaps you should watch something else.

6)SONS OF ANARCHY- FX's best show is basically Hamlet on motorcycles but creator Kurt Sutter is proving to be a master writer and superb plotter in this great ensemble show. Ron Perlman and Katy Segal are brilliant but, then again, so is everyone else, including Sutter's even more damaged Otto. Week to week you have no idea who will live and who will die and the suspense is unreal. I can't wait for next September for the penultimate season.

5)DEXTER- This season was the first that didn't have a single big bad, but three separate ones spread out over the story arc. This allowed more on (spoiler alert) Deb discovering her step brother, who she was also in love with, is a serial killer. Dexter meanwhile was dating a woman suspected in poisoning deaths over the last twenty years. All this while Captain Laguarta was hot on Dexter's trail as the Bay Harbor Butcher. The last episode which I won't ruin here had the single best ending from any show I saw this year. If you haven't watched this season yet, by all means do. It's a doozy.

4)SNL- I have watched SNL since it first aired in 1975. It has always had it ups and downs throughout the decades with some of the worst being the ill fated 1980 season after the original cast left and the later seasons with Mike Myers and Molly Shannon. Unwatchable. This season has been the polar opposite with great sketches, music and new additions like Kate McKinnon and Cicely Strong. Highlights of the year were the Obama/Romney debates, Seth McFarlane with PSY, and Martin Short in every sketch he was in.

3)FAMILY GUY- Speaking of Seth McFarlane, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Family Guy which has been on fire this year. The single best episode of any show this year was "Tea Peter," where Peter, after joining the Quohog Tea Party, gets rid of government and then everything falls apart, as all reasonable people know it would. I didn't laugh at anything as much as I did this.

2)SHERLOCK BBC- As a Sherlockian, I was thrilled to see BBC continue the adventures of Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman as Sherlock and Watson. The only reason it wasn't higher on my list is there were only three episodes as always which of course always leaves me wanting more. One of the best revivals of Doyle ever.

1)ELEMENTARY-I look forward to this show every week. Not only does Jonny Lee Miller do an excellent Sherlock Holmes but Lucy Lui is excellent as Joan Watson. The fact she is drop dead gorgeous doesn't hurt either. This show is everything I want in TV: smart, funny and engaging. I wish the network executives would get that memo because these next bits hurt my will to live.


10)THE VICTORIA SECRET LINGERIE SHOW- What idiot cast this show? Ratings plummeted 25% this year, the first downturn ever for this usually high rated spectacle. Hot girls? Check. Skimpy outfits? Check. Justin Bieber singing? Check, wait, what? Exactly what target audience were you going for here because I am fairly certain tween girls should NOT be watching the Victoria's Secret Lingerie show? Guys watch this show moron. Pick acts accordingly. And we HATE Bieber whose latest news reports say he acts like a spoiled brat now. Are his fifteen minutes almost up yet?

9)BEAUTY AND THE BEAST- Nevermind the fact that this plot line has been done to death, you eliminated any sort of mythology for an Incredible Hulk story line and cast it with dead eyed actors who look as if they would rather be anywhere else. And that tiny scar you gave "the Beast" looks like he nicked himself shaving. This show is sad.

8)RINGER- I watched the first episode when it premiered in 2011 and was immediately struck by the piss poor production values which took the whole twins scenario to a whole new level of ineptitude. One scene had Sarah Michelle Geller standing on an obvious set, taking place on a stationary boat on a sound stage somewhere, talking to the back of another actress's head (her "twin") as buckets of water were being thrown at her just off screen. It was the single worst moment I have seen in TV special effects in decades. It was mercifully killed in 2012 with a final episode that solved nothing. What a waste of everyone's time and money

7)NBC Olympic Coverage- Yes it got good ratings and yes it helped them move to number one this year for the first time since the 90's, but my God their coverage sucked. They tape delayed everything even though the rest of the world got to see it live. They had questionable commercial breaks, the worst being a cut from Gabby Douglas, who is black, to a monkey hanging from the rings. This was certainly unintentional but it also looked really racist. The biggest F You to the audience was cutting away from the final ceremonies and the band, the Who, to show your awful little monkey show,"Animal Hospital." That show died because of this as people were PISSED you cut away from a taped program, without warning and screwing up DVR's across the nation. Stop messing with live events, you dicks.

6)PARNTERS- This show was great the first time I saw it when it was called Will and Grace. Now it's just sad and pathetic and worst of all, not funny. It was quickly axed as expected. David Krumholtz deserves far better than this drivel.

5)LIZ AND DICK- I don't know what happened to Lindsay Lohan. Once upon a time she was talented, pretty and a rising star. Now, she's facing more jail time, possesses a complete lack of acting ability and looks twenty years her actual age. This misfire of a TV movie was bad on all fronts, acting, directing, writing, even the lighting was terrible. I don't know what was going on behind the scenes but I am hoping everyone was wasted the whole time because if sobriety factors into this piece of garbage, that does not bode well for anyone's future. And Lindsay, I think you'll be seeing Justin Beiber in that "Where are they now?" segment on some local news cast a few years on the future.

4)FOX AND FRIENDS- This is the worst news show in the country as these three idiots try to out compete the other two in who can say the dumbest thing possible. SNL savages the three, Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, by playing them as borderline retards, which isn't that far from the truth. They were forced to pull a "news piece" this year which was nothing more than anti-Obama propaganda. On Fox News? No! They also constantly contradict themselves, sometimes within minutes of a previous statement. Fox News and CNN get a special award for not only misreporting the Supreme Court Obamacare ruling but then running with it for as long as nine more minutes.

3)GUYS WITH KIDS- Easily the worst sitcom on TV which has somehow not been cancelled yet. I watched the first episode and had to be rushed to the hospital soon afterward for severe brain cramping because it tried to escape my skull rather than watch one more second of this drek. Absolutely horrid.

2)HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO- Is this what we have become as a people? Watching the human thumb that is her mother dress her fat little girl up and parade her around in sick and twisted beauty pageants that seem only to appeal to stage moms and pedophiles is a sure sign of the end of the world. Have we no shame any more? Why is this popular? If this kind of smut continues I am going to drink a can of Drano and end it all because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

1)X FACTOR- I barely got through the first season. Then they fired half the judges, and hired Demi Lavato (who the hell is that?) and, God help us, Brittany Spears. Rumor is she's gone next year, as is LA Reid, a terrible judge in his own right. Apparently, they wanted crazy Brittany and they got boring Brittany instead. I will be much more happy with fired Brittany. But if that was all the issues this show had it wouldn't be the worst show of the year. But wait, there's more. Then they hired the robotic Marion Lopez and Khloe Kardashian, who couldn't read cue cards if they were pasted in front of her face. Constant miscues as to cameras or lighting were apparent and the judges gave such terrible advice that those that followed them were quickly eliminated. The show was so bad that only two acts would agree to be on the bloated two hour finale for a winner that no one will ever hear of again. This show is dead in the water, Simon. Axe it and try again. I hear American Idol is hiring.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Let's face facts: this has been a "Banner" year for movies, especially the Avengers (I know that was a terrible pun but I couldn't help myself). Looking back, only 2009 comes close over the last decade to the kinds of quality we saw this year and that was right after the writer's strike ended. However, that still doesn't dismiss some truly awful stinkers as well. First I will quickly go over some films that weren't awful but did disappoint nonetheless.


5)THE HUNGER GAMES- I read all the books and loved them, even though they were not exactly written for my demographic. And while Jennifer Lawrence proved the solid actor she is at such a young age, the script was lacking and some of the casting seemed off. I can only hope they make the next three better.

4)PROMETHEUS- This film was not nearly as bad as some have claimed. However, the plot could used another rewrite, some scenes needed to be reworked and someone needs to be fired for the godawful old age makeup slathered on Guy Pierce for no apparent reason. You couldn't find an old man to play the part? Why was Guy Pierce in this at all? Again I hope the sequel is far better.

3)DARK SHADOWS- What in the hell has happened to Tim Burton? This guy may be reaching the end of his shelf life as his last few movies have all either been at best okay while most were terrible. His last decent film was Sleepy Hollow way back in 1999, and that was an excellent year for films. This film again wasn't horrible but the screenplay was awful. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was also written by Seth Grahame Green and that too was a giant diappointment. Stick to books beacuse as a screenwriter you need work.

2)SPIDER MAN- This film was great if it was a decade ago and Sam Raimi was directing it. There was nothing per say bad about it except the nagging feeling I had seen it already. Another origin story? Why God Why? You could have summed up the whole beginning during the credits and instead dragged it out for the first hour. That and I am getting sick of the sympathetic villain they keep trotting out in these pictures. In the next film, Jamie Foxx's Electro better be freaking evil.

1)THE DARK NIGHT RISES- Easily the most disappointing film of the year considering the talent both in front and behind the camera and one of the best, most timely plot lines of the year. And Bane was a great villain. Too bad he sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. You couldn't spring for subtitles? The script needed a LOT of work with time passing with no way of discerning how much, fight scenes that were by and far the worst I have seen in a long time, and Batman was off screen for most of the second act as he recovered from a back injury which was way too long. It was still a pretty good movie, just not as epic as it should have been. Following the Avengers in the theater, as well as an ill timed massacre, definitely hurt it in the long run.


10)MAGIC MIKE- This film got great reviews and even fanboys said it was good, so I figured what the hell. Big mistake. If you a woman or gay, this film may be exactly for you. For me, it was Showgirls with dudes and about as well done. I don't know what people saw in this except way too much male nudity, a terrible, almost non-existent story, and one of the worst actresses in recent memory, Cody Horn. She is wicked hot but has no acting ability. She was painful to watch and so was this film if penis is not your thing.

9)2016:OBAMA'S AMERICA- Comparing this drivel to anything done by Michael Moore is the same as saying there is no difference between a week old McDonald's hamburger and fillet mignon. Say what you want about Moore but at least he bases most of his films on facts while this trashy bit of nonsense is a stab in the back to reality. This hatchet job attempts to paint Obama as a chip off the old block from his supposed socialist leaning father who, in real life, he barely knew. The director, Dinesh D'Souza, uses spurious info to make his point but only succeeds in making the whole project an unintentional comedy. This is one of the worst documentaries ever.

8)ACT OF VALOR- Talking about unintentional comedies, this "action movie" will make one wish for the thespian skills of the cast of the Expendables who, after this crappy film, seem like Oscar winners in comparison. Real soldiers possessing little to no acting skills are put through the motions in a paint by numbers script and some of the worst directing in any movie this year. There is quite simply not one thing I can recommend about this movie except skipping it entirely.

7)TOTAL RECALL- Does Colin Farrell have it in his contract that every year he has to star in remake nobody wanted? Last year was the lame Fright Night remake and this year is the far worse Total Recall. This is pretty much a shot for shot remake with even the three boobed girl getting a go. Len Wiseman is proving to be one godawful director and this latest hack job is not helping his image.
This movie is terrible compared to the original and that one had one of the worst endings ever in film history. Think of Arnold's eyes bugging out as his air ran out and that would be me watching this entire film. STOP MAKING REMAKES.

6)THE RAVEN- A decade ago, while I worked on some independent films, I wrote a screenplay called POE. It was about Edgar Allen Poe involved in a real life murder mystery that he later wrote about in a fictionalized version of one of his stories. I couldn't get anyone to so much as read it. Michael Jackson and Sly Stallone also failed at getting their version to the big screen. Somehow, someway, this terrible screenplay, written by two no names, made the grade which is really awful in every way a film can be bad. The script is crap, and is only made watchable by John Cusack and director James McTeague. The whole time while watching all I could think of was, "mine was so much better."

5)PIRANHA 3DD-I really liked the first one. It was fun, had great 3D and Joe Bob Briggs three B's:boobs, blood and babes. This sequel also has the three B's but none of them are worth seeing unless bad actresses with HUGE fake breasts turn you on. This film was stupid on every level and Feast director, John Gulager, is cementing his status as the go to guy if you want your film to suck. Project Greenlight saddled us with several terrible movies but them giving us this hack is the cherry on top. Avoid at all costs.

4)ALEX CROSS- You know a film is going to suck when even the previews look really bad. Tyler Perry? Really? Yeah that'll attract middle America to this film. And PG-13? WTF? Who was the studio dick that made these decisions? I hated the last two movies, even though Morgan Freeman was the perfect guy to play Cross. The reason I didn't like them is they watered down the content to such an extent the film was meaningless. So let me get this straight: your creative decision this time was to hire a guy that few like and water down the source material even more for a target audience that has no idea who Alex Cross is? Genius. The movie tanked by the way, so way to go dude.

3)THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES- There were a lot of really bad horror movies this year. The Apparition would probably have made this list but I couldn't be bothered seeing it. Silent House, Paranormal Activity 4 and House At the End Of The Street barely missed the top ten. But between this, Piranha 3DD and the next film after this, these films were borderline unwatchable. This was yet another "found footage" movie that is really becoming tiresome at this point. A group of bland young people go to Chernobyl, find mutants living there and get picked off one by one. Everyone is brainless, doing stupid things that no reasonable person would do, and long stretches occur where nothing happens. Yawn.

2)THE DEVIL INSIDE- This film was quite the con job as it made $40 million it's opening weekend and got a F from the people dumb enough to go it. I wisely waited until it came out on DVD and was immediately struck by how boring this film is. Yet another possession movie that pales in comparison to even more hackneyed movies like "The Exorcism of Emily Rose." It also had a "Soprano" like ending where the film fades to black and a website appears for people to go see more about the film. After wasting an hour and a half of my life I saw little reason to continue.

1)EVERY MOVIE STARING TAYLOR KITSCH- This guy was in three of the worst movie of the year. Last year we had Alex Pettyfer who starred in drek like Beastly and I am Number Four and continued his descent with this year crap fest Magic Mike. Now we have another pretty boy being forced down our throats who can't act or pick good screenplays. The least terrible of the films was Oliver Stone's latest, Savages, which wasn't horrible but did have the worst ending to any movie this year and Blake Lively. I hate actresses with no nudity clauses when the part clearly necessitates it. Her bathtub love scene fully clothed was embarrassing and stupid. And so was the movie for the most part. Next was John Carter, a badly directed, written and acted film that should have been shelved long ago. I have read the John Carter books and liked them. Too bad they filmed this piece of shit instead. But the worst movie this year, hands down was the dumb, dumb, dumb Battleship. An expensive as hell Transformer rip off, this bit of hookum contains some of the dumbest dialogue of the year, a script that makes ZERO sense, and solidified Kitsch as guy to stay far, far way from when casting a movie. When Brooklyn Decker is the best person in the movie, you know you've strayed into the seventh circle of hell. Battleship cost $200 million to make and you can't help but wonder, "If they had filmed the phone book, this would have been more interesting." Here's a better plot line: terrorists take over a battle ship and engage in ship to ship fighting between them and the good guys. How hard is that to fathom? Instead we get the stupidest aliens ever and the worst movie of the year. Congratulations Taylor Kitsch for making the trifecta this year. Now go away please and DO NOT come back.

Monday, December 24, 2012


As this will be a slow news day and probably one of limited traffic here, as many of you are braving the malls for last minute shopping, let us take stock of things we can thank God for this Christmas season.

1)We can thank God the New Year will finally bring an end to the fiscal cliff. By the end I do mean plunging over head first into a gaping yaw that will raise everyone's taxes because the Republicans have taken a pledge and damn it, no matter how bad it will damage this country, they are people of their word. We have never really left the recession so we better get ready for a DEPRESSION because that is where we headed. Millions of people stand to lose their jobs next year, unemployment will be cut for millions more and the economy will nose dive faster than ratings for Mob Doctor. All because rich people don't want to pay more in taxes. All of you who voted for those Tea Party morons in Congress, this is your fault. So when you lose your job for whatever reason, know you did it yourself.

2)We can thank God that corporations have the right amount of power, if you are the one running the show that is. Right to work laws have become so bad that people can now be fired for being too attractive, making too much money or just because the boss doesn't like you. The employee, for the first time in nearly a hundred years, has no rights anymore. They can pay you whatever they feel like, down to minimum wage, which if it wasn't there, salaries would be even lower. And again the Tea Party likes the idea of killing all unions.

3)We can thank God that some of the right wing douchebags were mercifully not put into office. Odious assholes like Allen West, Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin were just a few sent packing for their extreme ideals. But considering how stupid some of the voting public is, I am shocked at least one of these morons didn't get re-elected.

4)We can thank God that global warming isn't real, that the Antarctic isn't melting twice as fast as predicted, that temperatures in Greenland are turning it into it's namesake, and that Arctic ice isn't at record lows. Oh wait a minute. All that is happening. Yet some still claim that the Earth isn't getting warmer. That is some head in the sand kind of thinking. We can debate the causes for it, but the science is in and it's this: the planet is warming at alarming levels and it already may be too late to save the planet from extinction. Merry Christmas.

5)We can thank God that religious extremism is at an all time low and that Baptists and Muslims have become much more tolerant of things outside their world view. If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.

6)We can thank God the ACLU passed laws to get rid of state hospitals, made it impossible to commit anyone and, as a result, no mental patients ever killed anyone in a massacre (insert heavy sarcasm here). Yet guns are the problem.

7)We can thank God for creating gay people as science shows that many who are gay are born with brain abnormalities that predisposes them to that lifestyle. So explain to me how your perfect God made people that are "imperfect," at least in your eyes? Either God is not all powerful or he doesn't hate gay people. Pick one, your choice.

8)We can thank God that Kim Jung Un and Amadinajhad are reasonable, thoughtful people that will never start a war for idiotic purposes. So we can get rid of all those nukes now right? And guns and any other form of protection as the world is a completely safe place? Right?

9)We can thank God for movie reviewers top ten list of 2012 that always contains the best movies, if by best you mean some foreign film from a country you've never heard of whose plot line is a love story taking place during the invention of yarn. Read any list and none seem to contain some of the best pictures this year like the Avengers, Skyfall, or Ted. Ted I can understand but the other two were huge hits for a reason: they were awesome and filled with the exact type of moments that make people watch them again and again. A few years back, Winter's Bone was on a lot of critics list. I have yet to find anyone of any age group, or demographic who didn't think it was one of the most boring movies ever made. Yet, Oscar time there it was. Shoot me if anyone makes me watch it again.

10)I thank God that my health is not what it was a few years ago when I spent all my time in bed screaming in pain. As someone who took painkillers like candy I still don't get the thrill of being sleepy all the time. People who get addicted to these kinds of drugs must have real issues with reality because they certainly made 2009 into a hazy year for me.

11)I thank God I have family and friends to depend on. A feel bad for those all alone in this world.

12)I thank God for my girlfriend who I love with all my heart.

13)Lastly, I thank God for all my readers out there. This blog is doing very well and is being translated into many different languages. I have a world wide audience which makes me very happy. Not to hawk for money but it is Christmas and I would appreciate any donations you can give in any amount to help keep this site running. I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays. I will be back in a few days with more news, most likely involving some Republican doing something really stupid.