Well it's that time of year again. I am not talking about
Christmas or New Year's but the familiar twang of political infighting and
stagnation caused by people too stupid to understand the most basic of
scientific principles of the art of compromise. And this time, it's not just
the Republicans making stupid decisions. Obama is killing his own bill by
adding the chained CPI index into the mix, angering his own party and throwing
yet another campaign promise to the wolves. The GOP is in full on revolt as Boehner
"Plan B" was pulled from the floor yesterday after it became readily
apparent that it had no chance of passing. He couldn't muster the votes in the
House for raising taxes on those making over one million dollars, meaning there
is ZERO chance of any compromise as the GOP refuses to budge an inch and
Obama's meandering negotiating style is not winning over anybody, including
fellow democrats.
The NRA came out today with their "statement" and
proved once again how much I HATE the NRA and, as someone who whole heartedly
supports the 2nd amendment, that should tell you something. Did they make any
common sense support for any gun control like background checks for all gun
sales? Nope. How about making sure guns don't fall into the hands of the
mentally ill? Double nope. What they did instead was push for armed guards in
all schools (which is a little much) and put the blame of all the violence on music,
movies, TV and video games. WTF? Yeah cause those same entertainment concepts
are causing mass killings all over the planet (insert heavy sarcasm here). The
reasons for all the killings, which by the way haven't increased at all over a
thirty years period, is because of lax mental health services, drugging
everyone within an inch of their life and the drug war. Neither side is
bringing these up at all which means gun violence will continue unabated until
some wise individual on the national stage wakes up and starts talking about
it.
In the coming weeks, I will be writing some of my more
popular columns like Douchebag of the Year, and Best of/Worst of in TV and
movies. But now let's take a look at my version of Twas the Night Before
Disaster: An Ode to the Fiscal Cliff.
Twas the night before disaster and all through the House.
Not a politician was stirring, not even a louse.
The votes were held up by the GOP with care
To make sure Obama would fail again there.
The country was pissed wanting a deal
While the Senate left for their holiday meal.
And as Boehner failed miserably with his Plan B
He ate crow as the democrats cackled with glee.
When out on the Mall there arouse such a clatter
The country put down their I-Pods to see what was the
matter.
Away to the capital we flew in a flash
Tore down the beltway and caused many a crash.
The moon was shining on lush green grasses
Caused by Global Warming and denial asses.
When what to my disbelieving eyes should appear
But a group of buffoons dressed like reindeer
They were led by a driver, so awful and slick
I knew in a moment he was kind of a dick.
His name was Grover and he called out in name
All of his minions who lacked empathy or shame.
"Now Bachmann! Now McConnell! Now Cantor and Trump!
On Boehner! On Perry! On every Republican Chump!
To the fiscal cliff at the end of year
Let's plunge over the edge as there will be no deal."
The people bundled up as the weather got cold quick
The result of so many in one area who were a real prick.
Grover started his no tax pledge anew
His lackeys agreeing to every bit of that spew.
And then Grover walked over and stepped into the masses
Assured his charisma would win over the lads and lasses.
As I drew in a breath and choked down some puke
There he stood in front of me, not expecting a rebuke.
He was dressed in a suit and carried a sword
The cost of which both would take me forever to afford.
He carried on his back a bundle of lies
To never make the rich pay their fair share of the pie.
His eyes twinkled as he mentally counted his gold
His cheeks were flush and his voice loud and bold
His evil little mouth was twisted in a grin
Sure his death to government plan was going to win.
The stump of his gold plated pipe held fast in his teeth
While I contemplated strangling him with a nearby wreath.
He had a broad face caused from eating too much food
While the rest of used food stamps to eat anything good.
He was fat and happy and a jolly old man
And I immediately hated him for his godawful plan.
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his pants
He pulled out his junk and started to dance.
He spoke not a word but started to pee
All over my legs, my feet and my knees.He layed a finger to the full hilt of his nose
He sprang to his car before I could react
Too stunned at the indignity he did just enact.
And I heard him exclaim as he broke wind with glee
"Welcome to the New America where you will never be
free."
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