FIVE MOST DISAPPOINTING FILMS OF 2012.
5)THE HUNGER GAMES- I read all the books and loved them, even though they were not exactly written for my demographic. And while Jennifer Lawrence proved the solid actor she is at such a young age, the script was lacking and some of the casting seemed off. I can only hope they make the next three better.
4)PROMETHEUS- This film was not nearly as bad as some have claimed. However, the plot could used another rewrite, some scenes needed to be reworked and someone needs to be fired for the godawful old age makeup slathered on Guy Pierce for no apparent reason. You couldn't find an old man to play the part? Why was Guy Pierce in this at all? Again I hope the sequel is far better.
3)DARK SHADOWS- What in the hell has happened to Tim Burton? This guy may be reaching the end of his shelf life as his last few movies have all either been at best okay while most were terrible. His last decent film was Sleepy Hollow way back in 1999, and that was an excellent year for films. This film again wasn't horrible but the screenplay was awful. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was also written by Seth Grahame Green and that too was a giant diappointment. Stick to books beacuse as a screenwriter you need work.
2)SPIDER MAN- This film was great if it was a decade ago and Sam Raimi was directing it. There was nothing per say bad about it except the nagging feeling I had seen it already. Another origin story? Why God Why? You could have summed up the whole beginning during the credits and instead dragged it out for the first hour. That and I am getting sick of the sympathetic villain they keep trotting out in these pictures. In the next film, Jamie Foxx's Electro better be freaking evil.
1)THE DARK NIGHT RISES- Easily the most disappointing film of the year considering the talent both in front and behind the camera and one of the best, most timely plot lines of the year. And Bane was a great villain. Too bad he sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. You couldn't spring for subtitles? The script needed a LOT of work with time passing with no way of discerning how much, fight scenes that were by and far the worst I have seen in a long time, and Batman was off screen for most of the second act as he recovered from a back injury which was way too long. It was still a pretty good movie, just not as epic as it should have been. Following the Avengers in the theater, as well as an ill timed massacre, definitely hurt it in the long run.
10 WORST FILMS OF 2012
10)MAGIC MIKE- This film got great reviews and even fanboys said it was good, so I figured what the hell. Big mistake. If you a woman or gay, this film may be exactly for you. For me, it was Showgirls with dudes and about as well done. I don't know what people saw in this except way too much male nudity, a terrible, almost non-existent story, and one of the worst actresses in recent memory, Cody Horn. She is wicked hot but has no acting ability. She was painful to watch and so was this film if penis is not your thing.
9)2016:OBAMA'S AMERICA- Comparing this drivel to anything done by Michael Moore is the same as saying there is no difference between a week old McDonald's hamburger and fillet mignon. Say what you want about Moore but at least he bases most of his films on facts while this trashy bit of nonsense is a stab in the back to reality. This hatchet job attempts to paint Obama as a chip off the old block from his supposed socialist leaning father who, in real life, he barely knew. The director, Dinesh D'Souza, uses spurious info to make his point but only succeeds in making the whole project an unintentional comedy. This is one of the worst documentaries ever.
8)ACT OF VALOR- Talking about unintentional comedies, this "action movie" will make one wish for the thespian skills of the cast of the Expendables who, after this crappy film, seem like Oscar winners in comparison. Real soldiers possessing little to no acting skills are put through the motions in a paint by numbers script and some of the worst directing in any movie this year. There is quite simply not one thing I can recommend about this movie except skipping it entirely.
7)TOTAL RECALL- Does Colin Farrell have it in his contract that every year he has to star in remake nobody wanted? Last year was the lame Fright Night remake and this year is the far worse Total Recall. This is pretty much a shot for shot remake with even the three boobed girl getting a go. Len Wiseman is proving to be one godawful director and this latest hack job is not helping his image.
This movie is terrible compared to the original and that one had one of the worst endings ever in film history. Think of Arnold's eyes bugging out as his air ran out and that would be me watching this entire film. STOP MAKING REMAKES.
6)THE RAVEN- A decade ago, while I worked on some independent films, I wrote a screenplay called POE. It was about Edgar Allen Poe involved in a real life murder mystery that he later wrote about in a fictionalized version of one of his stories. I couldn't get anyone to so much as read it. Michael Jackson and Sly Stallone also failed at getting their version to the big screen. Somehow, someway, this terrible screenplay, written by two no names, made the grade which is really awful in every way a film can be bad. The script is crap, and is only made watchable by John Cusack and director James McTeague. The whole time while watching all I could think of was, "mine was so much better."
5)PIRANHA 3DD-I really liked the first one. It was fun, had great 3D and Joe Bob Briggs three B's:boobs, blood and babes. This sequel also has the three B's but none of them are worth seeing unless bad actresses with HUGE fake breasts turn you on. This film was stupid on every level and Feast director, John Gulager, is cementing his status as the go to guy if you want your film to suck. Project Greenlight saddled us with several terrible movies but them giving us this hack is the cherry on top. Avoid at all costs.
4)ALEX CROSS- You know a film is going to suck when even the previews look really bad. Tyler Perry? Really? Yeah that'll attract middle America to this film. And PG-13? WTF? Who was the studio dick that made these decisions? I hated the last two movies, even though Morgan Freeman was the perfect guy to play Cross. The reason I didn't like them is they watered down the content to such an extent the film was meaningless. So let me get this straight: your creative decision this time was to hire a guy that few like and water down the source material even more for a target audience that has no idea who Alex Cross is? Genius. The movie tanked by the way, so way to go dude.
3)THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES- There were a lot of really bad horror movies this year. The Apparition would probably have made this list but I couldn't be bothered seeing it. Silent House, Paranormal Activity 4 and House At the End Of The Street barely missed the top ten. But between this, Piranha 3DD and the next film after this, these films were borderline unwatchable. This was yet another "found footage" movie that is really becoming tiresome at this point. A group of bland young people go to Chernobyl, find mutants living there and get picked off one by one. Everyone is brainless, doing stupid things that no reasonable person would do, and long stretches occur where nothing happens. Yawn.
2)THE DEVIL INSIDE- This film was quite the con job as it made $40 million it's opening weekend and got a F from the people dumb enough to go it. I wisely waited until it came out on DVD and was immediately struck by how boring this film is. Yet another possession movie that pales in comparison to even more hackneyed movies like "The Exorcism of Emily Rose." It also had a "Soprano" like ending where the film fades to black and a website appears for people to go see more about the film. After wasting an hour and a half of my life I saw little reason to continue.
1)EVERY MOVIE STARING TAYLOR KITSCH- This guy was in three of the worst movie of the year. Last year we had Alex Pettyfer who starred in drek like Beastly and I am Number Four and continued his descent with this year crap fest Magic Mike. Now we have another pretty boy being forced down our throats who can't act or pick good screenplays. The least terrible of the films was Oliver Stone's latest, Savages, which wasn't horrible but did have the worst ending to any movie this year and Blake Lively. I hate actresses with no nudity clauses when the part clearly necessitates it. Her bathtub love scene fully clothed was embarrassing and stupid. And so was the movie for the most part. Next was John Carter, a badly directed, written and acted film that should have been shelved long ago. I have read the John Carter books and liked them. Too bad they filmed this piece of shit instead. But the worst movie this year, hands down was the dumb, dumb, dumb Battleship. An expensive as hell Transformer rip off, this bit of hookum contains some of the dumbest dialogue of the year, a script that makes ZERO sense, and solidified Kitsch as guy to stay far, far way from when casting a movie. When Brooklyn Decker is the best person in the movie, you know you've strayed into the seventh circle of hell. Battleship cost $200 million to make and you can't help but wonder, "If they had filmed the phone book, this would have been more interesting." Here's a better plot line: terrorists take over a battle ship and engage in ship to ship fighting between them and the good guys. How hard is that to fathom? Instead we get the stupidest aliens ever and the worst movie of the year. Congratulations Taylor Kitsch for making the trifecta this year. Now go away please and DO NOT come back.
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