Republicans 2012: Race to the Bottom

After a hesitant start from the GOP, many a candidate is coming out of the woodwork to throw their hat into the ring of public approval. The populace has heard what they have to say, have examined their credentials to be someone that could beat their hated foe in Obama, to lead them out of the doldrums of the current quicksand of Washington and have exclaimed in one loud voice a central consensus: These candidates suck.

A recent CNN poll asked the general populace of Republicans only who their favorite choice of candidate was. 46% said No One. The next closest was Sarah Palin at 16% and Rudy Giuliani at 15% and neither of them has actually declared their presidential aspirations yet. Romney was the highest of people actually running at whopping 13%. At the bottom of the pile are sure goners Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorium and John Huntsman; the reason being is Pawlenty suffers from Joe Biden (otherwise known as foot in mouth) Disease, Santorium’s name sounds way to close to a place he should be committed to and no one knows who the hell John Hunstman actually is. So how have the better known names fared this week? Poor would be a step up.

Newt Gingrich suffered the kind of Titanic-like disaster that Roland Emmerich should be making a movie about it. After deciding to interrupt his sputtering campaign by taking a long vacation cruise with his wife to the Greek Isles, he arrived home to find his entire campaign team had decided that they needed a long vacation as well. Twenty four aides, or basically his entire campaign team, quit. As his poll numbers have dropped like a stone, in no part due to the fact that even Republicans don’t even like the guy, his team dropped him too. Expect him to quit any day now.

As Sarah Palin’s View America and Butcher American History Tour comes to a merciful end, comes news that puts her at the top of the heap of Presidential candidates. If nothing else that HAS to scare even the most moderately intelligent person. Imagine what life will be like should this bird brained moron actually get into office. I can see it now: National Snowmobile Championships, Moose Hunting for Charity and the total collapse of world economics. Sweet.

Romney tops the charts of most polls with some even having him beating Obama in a general election. I think it’s a little premature to suggest that a Mormon in the Deep South is going to poll too well come election time or that his conflicting position on Obamacare (as his Romneycare in Massachusetts is very similar) is going to win over the anti-health care nuts. Never mind the fact that Romneycare works very well and all the people that hate it don’t actually live in the state. I still don’t understand why people are fighting to lose everything they have if they get sick. Incredible.

The one person who might actually be able to gain a foothold is Rudy Giuliani whose poll number suggest a run might not be a certain death knell like others. As Republicans have been saying they are increasingly looking for a good candidate that might not necessarily hold all of the same positions, a Giuliani campaign run on issues other than abortion and homophobia might actually have the best chance against what may be a weak democratic candidate. Then again, maybe all they’ll remember is him in a dress.

Two lesser known candidates Jimmy McMillan of the Rent Is Too High Party and Jonathon Sharkey who was both a Republican candidate and, I kid you not, the Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party, are both running. McMillian looks like he lost a bet with a barber and Sharkey is a dead ringer for porn star Ron Jeremy dressed as a musketeer. I would pay good money to see a debate with these guys and the other Republicans in the field. Questions like “Mr. Sharkey, what kind of blood do you drink and does Dick Cheney ever join in?” would be classic.

But all this is still conjecture as we have no idea what direction the country might go in over the next year. Obama could still be hero or villain. The question is will the GOP be able to capitalize on it if he does indeed start to sink?