1)Rand Paul- The Tea Party favorite from Kentucky had a rough week. First he got caught plagiarising whole sections of the Gattica page on Wikipedia, which in and of itself, isn't that bad. It does demonstrate his staff is lazy and not the best speechwriters. But then it was found out that three whole pages from his book, again ghost written, were copied from another source. Then an article he wrote came under the same scrutiny. He was let go as a writer from the Washington Post and immediately went to work at Breitbart, which would be like me going from writing hard hitting news posts to reviewing episodes of My Little Pony. How bad is your staff that they would rather copy crap rather than just reword it? It's not that hard. But when you think the world is flat, like anyone who would work for Paul must think, plagiarism is their only option.
2)Blockbuster- It was announced today that Blockbuster is going under which is odd because I would have bet hard money they were gone years ago. Who still rents from Blockbuster? The good news is that anyone with overdue fees can breathe a sigh of relief and know that in the end, they won.
3)Jimmy Kimmel- In what can only be described as the last gasp for humanity, Jimmy Kimmel, for the second year in a row, decided it would be HILARIOUS to have parents film their kid's reaction when they told them they ate all their candy from Halloween. The children burst into tears as everyone laughs while I am horrified by the whole thing. I don't have kids. But if I did, I certainly wouldn't cause irreparable harm to their psyche by playing a sick joke like this. I suggest this as a prank on Jimmy Kimmel. Someone dressed as a cop should show up at his house, tell him his mother died by being gang raped by a biker gang and film his reaction. Trust me, it'll be funny.
4)KMart- Can somebody please stop stores from opening earlier and earlier? Especially as the poor people who have to work these crap jobs don't get extra pay half the time and get to spend no time with their families at all. Kmart decided it would be a great idea to open at 6 am Thankgiving MORNING. Who wants to shop that early as most of us are busy cooking dinner as turkeys take forever to be done and require constant attention to be yummy and not dry and disgusting? Anybody shopping at Kmart before 6 PM is a douchebag and deserves to have a crap dinner as a result.
5)Richie Incognito- This dickless bully from the Miami Dolphins was suspended indefinitely for harassment of a fellow team mate who quit this week as well from the constant attacks. Johnathan Martin went public with texts, emails and phone messages which used racial slurs, death threats and other forms of harassment. The worst part is is that Incognito has a violent history that many teams might have wanted to look closer at. But like always, the Dolphins take every loser in the game, having in the past recruited a mentally ill guy who went on a stabbing rampage and a long line of bad draft decisions like letting Drew Brees go and took Daunte Culpepper instead. Which of those is still playing? Incognito may still find life in another team, but after the Dolphins get rid of you, it's usually game over.
6)David Kyem- This brainpower from CCSU shut down the campus after he wore a ninja outfit days after Halloween, complete with plastic gun and sword. After he was ordered to stay away from campus, numnuts came back for some reason and was immediately arrested again. His father is a professor of geography at the school so you know he is quite proud. Stop parading around with fake weapons on any day that is NOT Halloween and risk getting shot. The fact this idiot was black makes it even more likely, he'll get filled full of holes one day if he continues with this brainless behavior. And get those barbs out of your face. Yuck.
7)Andy Lopez's family- This is the 13 year old, who much like the guy above, was walking around town with a very realistic looking AK-47 and plastic handgun when he was shot to death by the police. Regular readers know that I usually blame trigger happy cops, but not here. I saw the weapons the kid had and I would have shot him too if he turned the weapon toward me. The family is blaming the cops, demanding they be punished, which is odd because the parents are the ones would should be on trial for buying their kid a deadly looking toy. At best they could sue the toy company, but here the police are not in the wrong, something I have never written before. The worst part, is in the past when this has happened, the settlements are in the millions. How many psychotic parents might intentially buy their kids these kinds of toys for just such a payment? It's twisted but it happens all the time.
8)Ted Cruz and his dad- I hate Ted Cruz. He's a lying snake who uses religion as a weapon against any who disagrees with him. But after his father released a video of him going after gays and Obama, I understand now why he is the douchebag we see today. It's like finding out the background of a serial killer and realizing the torture the poor kid endured turned him evil. Same goes for Ted. Someone needs an intervention and explain to him that he's been abused by an evil man and needs to find the better god than this one he has been deceived into worshipping. It sure isn't the God from the Bible.
9)Obama- He really needs to get his act in gear and either fix the website or scrap it, because time is running out. Like always, his piss poor job at sales or negotiation have really hampered him and his "you can keep your insurance" line was a lie then and is a lie now. True, most will not lose their insurance, but even if 5% do, that's 15 million people which is not a small amount. Somebody has to be blamed and right now, that's you Mr. President. I recommend finding a scapegoat, like CGI Federal, and leave nothing but a smouldering hole where their company was. The only other option is to fall on the sword yourself which seems awfully stupid. Just saying.
10)Rob Ford- Looking like Chris Farley after a three day bender, Ford is in full meltdown status that is almost comical in nature at this point. SNL couldn't write sketches this funny about Mr. Redskin without copying whole passages from his press conferences, ala Rand Paul. I swear everytime I see this guy, he looks like he is ready to explode. How does a guy who looks this bad get elected anywhere? The best part came when he said not only would he not step down but would run for re-election next year. I almost choked on my Pop Tart when he said it and then laughed for the next 36 hours. That is some world class delusional thinking. And he's the Mayor of Toronto. So Canada appears to be no better than anywhere else in the world at picking the worst possible people to run the show making me feel better that the US is not alone in that department. It got even better when new footage arrived showing a tweeking, drunken Ford dancing about madly while screaming about killing someone. It made the footage of Marion Barry smoking crack look tame in comparison. So congrats Rob Ford you are indeed douchebag of the week.
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