Sunday, December 22, 2013

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: CHRISTIANS AND BILLY GRAHAM

Welcome to the last Douchebag of the Week for 2013, as next year will be my long, long list of douchebags of the year. I still haven't decided on a winner as there are far too many to consider. Long time readers know what I mean. This week so called "Christians" take the cake for their decidedly unchristian like behavior in the suspension of homophobic, racist Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. I'm singling out Graham as a prime example of everything that is wrong with religious leaders that are not named Pope Francis. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Meijer's- A department store I have never heard of in the midwest got lots of exposure for all the wrong reasons. An employee, David Bowers, was working when he saw a car fire outside. He grabbed an extinguisher and put it out and then promptly lost his job. I do understand why due to our over-litigious society but this looks bad and the company should have turned the other cheek here. Instead, angry protesters flooded the company's Facebook site which quickly became a den of blood and gore. Christ people are angry nowadays, and with good reason, so when something like this happens, bad things occur. We really are a stone's throw away from guillotines and storming the Bastille sometimes. Sales may plummet because of this, making Walmart even happier.

2)Target-How freaking hard is it to encrypt your information? I can do it on my laptop and yes it may cost a lot of money but instead you now have a PR nightmare on your hand. Millions of credit card info was stolen, and as I shop as Target on occasion, I was wracking my brain to remember if I had been there in the allotted time, which I hadn't, thank God. Spend some money on some safety features you brainless dolts running Target. This was not a place to cut costs.

3)Morton's-What is going on with business that have decided the best way to get ahead is to get rid of all your customers? A Morton's in Arizona was recently blasted into the headlines when reports came out that because an old man with cancer was wearing a hat, the cops were called. That is not a joke, they really called the cops on the guy even after he removed his hat which he had put on because he was sick. Guess who's approval rating dropped from five stars to one overnight? The entire company is paying for this and whoever made this awful call is almost certainly fired by now. Good.

4)Eldo Kim- This guy is without a doubt, the dumbest person to ever attend Harvard. Dumb ass decided he wasn't ready for his mid-term finals and emailed a bomb threat to the school instead. Thinking that by using an anonymous email account they wouldn't find him proved futile as he was arrested later that day. He will almost certainly be expelled, faces a huge fine and up to five years in prison. Finals don't look so scary now, do they moron?

5)John Beale- Before the whole Duck Dynasty thing blew up, this fuckwad was near the top of the list to win the grand prize. Beale is an ex-EPA officer who managed to convince his bosses he worked for the CIA granting him lots of paid time off. The result was he swindled the government out of nearly a million dollars in pay to Beale that he otherwise wouldn't have gotten. Now, Beale is going to prison for 32 months and is being forced to pay $1.3 million in damages. Ha Ha.

6)Peter Schiff- This elitist douchebag was seen at some Walmart's holding a sign that said "15 dollars for 15%," falsely claiming that a rise in the minimum wage would result in an equal amount of percentage by the company. This hedge fund manager doesn't understand economics 101 in which prices are controlled by supply and demand not arbitrary raising. If you price say baby strollers too high for example, people won't buy baby strollers or will find a cheaper alternative. That's how capitalism works. To suggest that everyone would raise their prices 15% would drive many out of business as no one would be buying their products. This guy is a dick trying to convince the rubes out there that he deserves all the money and the rest of us can eat dirt.

7)Second hand smoke studies- Back in college I discovered that all the major second hand smoke studies ever done were bunk that should never have passed peer review as the science didn't add up. To prove my point, I used the same parameters as one major study and showed that apples cause cancer. They really didn't, but the stats were set so broad that I could have driven a truck through it. Got an A it by the way. A thirty year study done between 1959 and 1989 by two anti-smoking purists used almost 120,000 Californians and discovered to their horror that they could attribute zero deaths to second smoke. This has been replicated a bunch of times while the anti-smoking ones never do. Second smoke does NOT kill no matter what you have heard. It is one big lie. This is not to say cigarettes won't kill you as they will, but if your standing downwind of one you'll be fine.

8)Justine Sacco- Another person who would never have been infamous if she didn't say something so foul that she lost her job because of it. Sacco was in public relations for IAC and tweeted this before heading to South Africa: "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white." She was fired before the plane touched down. Wow.

9)Duck Dynasty and Phil Robertson- Just like the idiot above, if you say or tweet something so fantastically stupid, you WILL be fired from whatever job you have. Period. That is the world in which we live, the world many of you voted for. Right to work states have the right to fire you for ANY reason, including your religious beliefs, especially if they go against current values of the time. And like it or not, gay people are an accepted member of society now and to discriminate against them is no better than being racist, which Phil also seems to be as he claims black people didn't sing the blues because they were poor, rewriting history in a way that would make Sarah Palin blush. Can we stop worshipping at the altar of stupidity and ditch shows like this, Honey Boo Boo, and anything with a Kardashian in it. Please I am begging you.

10)Christians- I hate when alleged religious folks do stuff that the entire Bible is against. Death threats were leveled against A&E this week after Phil Robertson was suspended from his show. I am pretty sure God never told anyone to commit felony acts as "Thou shall not kill," is pretty prominent there. Then the idiot parade started with Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, otherwise known as the Four Horseman of Douchbaggery, came out against this heinous crime of daring to fire someone for saying something homophobic and/or racist. This is the same crowd bitching about Christmas being taken away, not seeing the hypocrisy of wanting free speech and controlling it at the same time. The worst offender of all this, the man responsible for this terrible bastardization of actual Christian values, is none other than Billy Graham. This old fart is single handily responsible for marrying the GOP and the Moral majority back in 1980, to help defeat Jimmy Carter and they have been together ever since. Because of this, many Christians now piss on poor people as "welfare queens." They look down on the lower class as a bunch of drug addicted losers who deserve what they got. That is the most unchristian attitude to have and it's all due to Bill Graham. So congratulations Christians for following the Bible about as well as some Muslims follow the Koran and especially Bill Graham, you are indeed douchebag of the week.

3 comments:

  1. Are you not aware that falling back on constant vulgarities only shows a lack of education and class? One would think that you could express your views without resorting to the kind of languiage that negates whatever you say---

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  2. Methinks that it would be MORE appropriate for you to name YOURSELF "Douchebag of the Week". You have very ably illustrated that you deserve it more than anyone else.

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  3. First off,I am more educated than most as my job in statistical anaylsis shows. My language is my free right to say what I like, even as you are free to express yours. If you don't like it, don't read it. Nobody is forcing you here. I am assuming that the two detractors here are both "Christians," and mad that I am calling them out on their nonsense. I am a true Christian as I follow the words of Christ. Try it sometimes. It's better than the hate most religious idiots do and stop pissing on Jesus's memory with this crap about abortion and gay people. It's old, it's tired, and it has to stop. If we still followed the Bible to the letter, black people would still be in chains or have you forgotten the passage where slaves are okay as long as they are from a foreign country. Ignorance is not a prideful thing. Read a book once in a while that isn't written in crayon by some right winger with the least basic grasp in common sense. And by the way, if your going to insult me, don't hide behind the wall of being anonymous and face your accusers. Or are you that kind of coward?

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