THE POPE SCANDALS, WEIRD WEATHER, AND OTHER SIGNS OF THE END OF THE WORLD THAT DON'T SEEM SO FUNNY IN MODERN CONTEXT

The Catholic Church has to admit that the first pope to step down in six hundred years has plenty of people who are going to read conspiracy into this. I would be one of them as this whole scenario they have told us seems as unbelievable as most of the Bible. Soon they will pick a new Pope to lead, with even Cardinal O'Malley from Boston mentioned as a possibility. Many think an African or Latin Pope is possible as those are the only areas where Christianity is growing. When you start to realize that most religions are selling us a bill of goods that isn't true, going to worship each week seems more and more pointless. That is why the less educated areas are the ones still gullible enough to not see these bastardizations for what they are. Religions have lost their way, being more about control than spirituality and that is a loss for mankind. As no religion has embraced modernity in any way, shape or form, they are all ultimately doomed because anything that does not evolve with the times, goes extinct. Just ask the dodo, the dinosaurs or Sally Jesse Raphael.

There has been tons of theories coming out of Italy, some truly outrageous (the Pope has a secret family and kids), some mundane (He's too ill to continue as the Vatican has suggested) and some stupid (he's going to host a new talk show and needed the free time). But besides the whole priest molesting little boys while the Vatican plays three card Monte scandal, there was another one that received the least amount of press I could have ever imagined given the story itself.

Some months back, the Pope's personal valet was arrested and charged with possessing stolen documents. The documents supposedly contained damning information about massive corruption in the Vatican Bank, possibly involving the mob. This was never asked by any media outlet anywhere. They covered the guy getting arrested but not a peep about what he actually took. Incredible.

The highly mysterious death of Pope John Paul 1 also contained theories about his involvement with the Vatican Bank which he was in the process of auditing. No autopsy was ever performed and stories about how and when the body was found vary from person to person. There is also the possibility that the third prophecy of Fatima was about this pope and not his same named successor as the Vatican contends. If it was, it paints a very different picture than the Church has given the vision, naming them as a corrupt entity that will destroy the world. Now that is a prophecy the Church would hide forever.

But the Vatican Bank is back again There is a theory that some Cardinals found out about illegal doings, bribery and money laundering, within the Bank done by the Pope and they used that info to force him from power. It is probably not a coincidence that the former head of the Vatican Bank was fired last May after calling for greater transparency and was even allegedly going to out ties to powerful mob bosses which had been going on for decades. It still didn't stop EU and US regulators from going after the IOR (Institute for Religious Works) which was part of the Vatican Bank and was sited for fraud. They had to pony up $300 million in ill gotten gains and deemed an "insecure risk." If the bank run by the Church is that corrupt, what hope is there for the rest of us?

So the Pope had a major financial scandal, several international non profit's seeking his arrest and a documentary that named him as the sole person responsible for shifting dangerous kiddie molesters around the world, in just one week. I'd resign too. So goodbye "Joey the Rat" as your fellow Cardinals call you, most likely behind your back (that is absolutely true by the way). We can only hope that someone from at least the 20th century is elected because St Malachi says you are the last Pope. If you don't modernize the Church, you will fulfill that prophecy stat.

Meanwhile, a giant sun spot has formed and could hit the Earth in the next 48 hours. Scientists say there is a 45% chance of M-flares and a 15% chance of X rays dousing the earth. M-flares could disrupt communication, even cause black outs if severe enough, while the whole X-ray thing could be a little more lethal. The size of the spot is the same as six earths and is facing us. Joy. We are reaching peak sun spot activity and are overdue for a massive flare that, if big enough, could black out the planet. I didn't know the NBC show Revolution was a how to survive guide.

The sequester looks like it will finally hit the end of the road and around a million people are going to lose their jobs. Mind you, most will be in areas that I think we should be cutting (defense), but we should be finding other jobs that these people can do rather than just giving them pink slips. Instead of ships, can't they be retrained to fix bridges. I hear there is some 70,000 that need work. The country is going broke fast and unless we reign in spending in areas like this, the whole system will collapse. We need solutions fast and instead we have Lindsay Graham bitching about Benghazi, Watergate and the Crucifixion of Christ. John McCain has lost his mind and only seems responsible at all when is talking with his constituents that are even more loony than he is. What the hell is wrong with people in Arizona? There has to be something that kills IQ in the water because that state is filled to the brim with stupid.

The economy is flat lining, most people don't seem to have the brains to blow their own nose and our politicians behave like bratty children. Welcome to the 21st century: Home of the Dumbass and the Douchebags.