DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK:THE CATHOLIC CHURCH

Narrowly beating Obama by a hair, the Catholic Church decided it was the 15th century still and advocated the total destruction of mankind with their idiocy. Religious nonsense has to stop as it is out of control. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Newt Gingrich-Please, please shut the hell up you fat bastard. Your stupidity is deafening. And to anyone still supporting this loser, get your gun, put in mouth, pull trigger. Repeat as necessary.

2)GOP nomination process- In what can only be described as Kafkaesque, the run up to nominating your candidate has been filled with outlandish attacks against one another, a delegate count that requires advanced knowledge of calculus, a slide rule and the Bible (how much more confusing could they make this?), and endless debates where the four remaining candidates keep moving further to right and away from any chance of winning. If you want a sure fire way to lose, keep it up and we get four more years of, shudder, Obama.

3)Rupurt Murdock's Empire- More people are being brought in for questioning in the scandal that shows no end in sight. Five reporters and several editors were recently arrested from the UK Sun for the same wire tapping that brought down News Of The World. Can we just arrest Murdock and his family already and be done with this? They're guilty!

4)Banks- These assholes got a big blow job from "socialist" Obama today as he basically cleared them of any wrong doing in the financial crisis that bankrupted the country and destroyed the economy. In return for a slap on the wrist and a token amount of money to pay, the average person got nothing in return except empty promises and the possibility of a couple grand to offset the fact they ruined your life. We are getting dangerously close to the same kind of crap they caused both the French and American Revolution.

5)Obama- The fact that he patted himself on the back for this "great" deal shows what a crap leader he has been on domestic issues. This fix does nothing for Main Street America and everything for the rich who have been raping us non stop now for decades. Thanks a lot douche for selling us once again. This next election is rapidly shaping up to be a big "who gives a fuck," kind of contest. Romney or Obama is like asking which would I rather have measles or mumps? They both suck. Plus his back tracking on the whole Catholic issue on birth control is typical of his administration. Don't stand up for anything that a majority of people want numnuts and back the vocal, idiot minority. A terrible way to lead. Plus it has come out today that Obama has used the Espionage Act six times in his administration to arrest and prosecute government whistleblowers who were doing things for the good of the country. This is more than all previous presidents combined. One was a former NASA employee who told the press that the 1.2 billion dollar outsourced job could have been done for three million in house. And he got arrested for that. Incredible. Obama is not the Great Leader we all hoped he was and confirmed that no matter who wins the Presidency at this point nothing is going to change.

6)Rick Santorum- Having won three caucuses in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado (which mean nothing for some reason) Captain Moron is back and talking about how gay people are the devil, abortion is akin to killing Jesus and contraception is for Satan worshippers. This guy needs a good, swift, shut the fuck up moment. Anybody voting for him should take the same advice I give to Gingrich supporters but as they feel suicide is a sin, maybe some enterprising inventor can come up with the God booth where born agains can speak with Christ. Once inside, we gas them and cut them into itty bitty pieces, using the remains to fertilize our plants. At least that way they would have some fucking use.

7)Syria- It appears that the uprising may be over as Assad has officially crushed most resistance, thanks in part to Iran and Russia's help. With Iran still in the crosshairs and a new IEAE report due next month that will be anything but flattering, expect more on this explosive situation.

8)Greece- Caught between a rock and a hard place, the Greeks exploded today with riots nation wide as new austerity measures are being debated. As if the forty percent drop in salaries wasn't bad enough, the EU has said try again to which the Greeks help up their hands in surrender. A true Depression is looming over Greece, with massive unemployment and one in five business closings the tip of the iceberg. Things are going to get much much worse for them and the world at this rate.

9)The Catholic Church- These idiots are bent on world destruction and no one is calling them out on it. Without birth control and abortion, the world would be knee deep in people and life would suck beyond what it does now. They do know it isn't the fifteenth century anymore right? Obama backtracked hard when the Church rallied against them having to provide birth control through their insurance in places like hospitals and schools, even though the people working for them weren't the same religion. So let me get this straight, it's fine for you tell gay people they don't count but if the government tells you to do something it's a fight. What a hypocritical bunch of nonsense. Even after Obama caved like always and said insurers would pick up the bill, Catholic bishops said not good enough and whined even more. This is why I don't belong to the Catholic Church anymore as any organization that doesn't adapt, dies. And this religion is dying with less and people attending mass every year. One one of the biggest losses is in Ireland. Holy Crap if Ireland isn't going to mass anymore you are serious trouble as they as religious as it gets and I would know as I am Irish and have many Irish relatives who still live there. So congratulations Catholic Church you are indeed Douchebag of the Week.