DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK:SOCIALLY CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS

I've never seen a political party do more damage to a campaign, possibly fatally, than the GOP did to their brand this week, brought forth from people like Rick Santorum and the evangelical right. Let's see those runner ups.

1)JC Penny- The super store got a lot of heat with their new program to eliminate sales and have a three tiered pricing scheme put in its place. In other words you asked Idiot America to actually have to think when they shop. Good luck with that. Profits plummeted over forty percent last quarter, which should have been their best months leading up to Christmas. As you keep reading this column, you'll see why I've lost all hope in mankind, especially in the brain powers who are supposed to be good at running their businesses, yet make asinine mistakes, over and over.

2)Government agencies- In Europe, when you pay your taxes, at least you get some benefit for them such as a much better health care system, good roads and schools that don't suck. Here, we spend it on agencies like the DEA, CIA, FBI and ATF who do nothing but piss it away. The DEA is the biggest waste of money, costing the US taxpayer hundreds of billions in lost revenue with an agenda that will never happen. Stopping drug flow is not possible, yet we continue to throw money we desperately need down a rabbit hole. The FBI is still reeling from it's inability to close the 2001 anthrax case, constantly picking a name from a hat and declaring "Yup, that's the guy," without a shred of proof. The last person they accused killed himself, possibly from the constant harassment, and then it turns out he had nothing to do with it. Even the NIST looked at the evidence and said it was the worst case of nonsense they had ever seen and had no scientific basis on ANY of its claims. Then we have the CIA who keep saying they have no evidence of the claims that Iran is building a nuclear weapon. Their reasoning is why would they want a bomb and that they are still years away from acquiring one. Unfortunately, no one else has this view as it flies in the face of reason and evidence. Why is the CIA lying to us? No person who knows an iota of the subject can say with a straight face that Iran doesn't want a nuke. It is in their best national interests to get one as they will have to be dealt with in a non military way, just like Pakistan and North Korea. Their regime is less than stable and religious nutbags with the power to end the planet is not a chance I'm willing to take. And now comes word that the ATF, that most worthless of agencies, is shutting down local mom and pop gun stores for "inventory." These assholes send one guy to inventory ten of thousands of guns, closing the store for a week a time to do so. These places are barely getting by and shuttering them for a week is brutal. All of the above shows that big business is using our own security forces against us. Large gun suppliers are pressuring the government, not just Obama as every redneck seems to think but the GOP as well, to find reasons to get rid of their competition. This crap has got to stop if we are to survive as a nation.

3)Iran-These morons won't quit. Terhan's deputy defense minister threatened to wipe Israel from the map. Again. Contrary to US intelligence, who couldn't find their ass with both hands tied behind their back, the UN is reporting a huge spike in uranium production, more than would be needed for an energy program. How does the CIA explain that? They don't. Idiots.

4)Syria-Military action seems more and more likely each day as Assad continues to rain death upon his people. Another schmuck in a long list of them today.

5)Muslims-It's hard to defend a people who go ballistic anytime even the smallest thing sets them off. After accidentally burning some religious books at the army base at Kandahar, Afghanistan, riots started along with the deaths of several Americans and some UN personal. I must have missed that part of the Quran, which I have read many times and own a copy of, that says its okay to act like a bunch of retarded monkeys. Religious extremists, in any form, need to die and die soon. These idiots are going to get a lot of people killed. And speaking of religious idiots....

6)Republicans and the Evangelical Right- After rising steadily in the polls, Rick Santorum shot himself in the foot, the leg, the knee, his right arm and fifty or sixty times in the chest. To say he's done is an understatement. Obama has lots of things that the GOP could make hay of. The economy is their best weapon and yet this week, in a sure fire move to doom the GOP in November, they went after gay people, abortion and, shockingly, birth control. Maybe they haven't noticed, but it's not 1958 anymore. It's not even 2004, when Bush used social issues to win reelection. That had more to do with the fact that the democrats had Lurch as their candidate then a support for those issues. None of these play well in a national election. Why? People are a lot more moderate than the news would have you believe. Mississippi saw their anti-abortion law soundly defeated at the polls last year (MISSISSIPPI?), Virgina had to overturn their new sonogram law after huge protests and the Koman Foundation got turned upside down after divorcing from Planned Parenthood. Not winning issues there. Anyone under forty is so tolerant now of gay rights that any attempt to make it a huge issue will backfire. And then, the piece de resistance, they not only attacked birth control, they held a conference on it without any women on the panel. This issue has resonated throughout the political world, as every Democrat now has an issue to seize on, one that will destroy any candidate who supported the ban. Santorum's numbers have plummeted since then, falling fast in places like Michigan and Nevada. People running for Congress, like Elizabeth Warren, have wisely started campaigning on this issue that they will protect women's rights, which they should. Scott Brown must be shitting himself. This is all because of our religious right, American Taliban which is not getting the foothold here they hopped for. Why? Because unlike the Afghans who can't read and whipped up into a fury by unscrupulous Imam's, not everyone in this country is a tard. We like our birth control, realize that abortion is a painful and deeply personal choice that only women should get to decide on, and gay people deserve the respect that every other human gets. We should be making the religious right the ones we shun. So congratulations holier than thou GOPers, you are indeed douchebag of the week.