Sunday, June 2, 2013


I may have never been that big a fan of the FBI but Holy Christ did they step in it this week. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Gina Reinhart-Everybody's least favorite baby elephant opened her fat mouth again and horrified people everywhere. Turns out that fat ass thinks that because there are too many people out there, poor people should be sterilized. And while sterilization of an overburdened populace is not a bad idea in and of itself, it is insulting that she only wants the rich to be able to procreate as if that would be a good thing. There a lot of stupid rich people or maybe she was too busy stuffing her face to imagine the ramifications of a world populated by the offspring of Kim Kardsashian and Kanye West. Shudder. This woman is a fat, mentally challenged, douchebag. Here's hoping she pulls a Mr. Caruso from Meaning of Life and explodes all over her expensive dining room after eating one mint too many. I can dream.

2)Joran Van Der Sloot's fiancee- In a slap to the face of every guy out there who can't get a date, convicted felon Van Der Sloot, is engaged to be married to Leydi Figueroa Uceda, whom he met in early 2011 when she was distributing products to inmates at the Miguel Castro Castro prison in San Juan de Lurigancho. This woman is INSANE to be marrying a guy like this, but let's face facts ladies, a lot of you out there have made some really poor choices in the guy's you've dated. Someone out there married Richard Ramirez, the LA Night Stalker, for Christ's sake. Please take a good look at the guy you are currently with and if you think that you can do better, you probably can.

3)Mexico- It has not been a good week for Mexico, First, eleven citizens disappeared from a local night club, in a supposedly "safe" area. This happened in broad daylight and no one saw anything. Kidnappings are rampant in the country as the government has been ineffective in dealing with drug violence that is spinning out of control. Now the easiest way to fix this would be to legalize all of it and watch the cartels disintegrate as the main source for their findings goes bye bye. Connected with this was the false arrest of Yanira Maldanado, a US citizen and obviously NOT a drug dealer who had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and a police force run by the dumbest mother fuckers on the planet. Yanira was taking a bus back to the states when it was stopped by cops who say the found 12 pounds of pot under her seat. Nevermind the fact that no one saw the pot that was allegedly stashed there except the cops. Also ignore the fact for that for the seven days she was jailed, authorities failed to notice the woman they arrested was a Mormon, Colorado soccer mom with seven kids. Not exactly a drug mule. She was finally released after it started to become a public relations nightmare. Visit Mexico at your own risk at this point.  If the gangs don't get you, the cops will. Sound familiar?

4)The Military Brass- In a blatant attempt to save money in ways that they shouldn't, Marines stationed at bases in Afghanistan will not longer get hot meals for breakfast or the 24 hour sandwich bar which has been closed. Instead, Marines get to enjoy a yummy MRE instead, and as I can attest to, they are usually pretty bad. Shit on a shingle (chipped beef on toast) is particularly vile. The drawdown is being blamed but could we not come up with a better solution than taking away hot meals from the brave men and women doing a really thankless job.

5)Reality TV- I loathe most of these programs, especially ones that follow around spoiled celebrities like their lives matter, which they don't. Idolizing some brainless morons is sucking the life from our spotlight obsessed youth and is gradually destroying society. Now comes word that two of the most obnoxious individuals from Gordon Ramsey's show Kitchen Nightmares, Amy and Sammy Bouzaglo, owner's of Amy's Baking Company might be getting their own show. This was one of the only places Ramsey actually walked away rather than help due to the fact they were both king sized douchebags. Amy was a neurotic harpy who didn't realize she couldn't cook for shit while her husband bullied the staff and customers while stealing tip money from the wait staff. These two deserve our shame not a fucking nightly program. The good news is that they are still suffering from their disastrous showing on Ramsey's show, with a recent re-opening only gathering a dozen customers. They didn't help themselves any when a newspaper critic was bounced for complaining about the amount of fruit flies in her drink. Really? Sammy is also facing deportation charges for having a criminal past that includes extortion, drug running and threats. I am not surprised. Can we have a show that highlights someone doing something good rather than acting like a fucking idiot already because this crap is rank?

6)Nathan Richardson- This could quite possibly be the stupidest man on the face of this Earth. Dumbass must not watch the news much because he though it would be a great idea to mail ricin letters to Obama, Mayor Bloomberg and to an anti-gun group. Forget the fact that most of these people don't open their own mail in the first place, didn't this jerk watch the last guy get caught pretty quick? The letters were filled with the type of anti gun, Tea Party rants that one would expect. The only thing I am surprised about is that it wasn't written in crayon. Oddly enough, his wife is a bit part actress who's most recent role was a zombie in the "Walking Dead," which isn't that bad a gig. She is not suspected in the alleged attack. His only defense is that the FBI is investigating the whole thing and, as we will see later in this column, can no longer be trusted anymore.

7)Libya- This is a prime example of how volatile the world is becoming. The government attempted to close a local park and build a shopping mall there instead. Riots erupted and spread to over 20 cities as they become less about the park and more about stopping perceived gains from Islamic rulings instead of the more secular nature the people have accepted. Erdogan is in trouble as his lean to the hard right is starting to have major consequences. The GOP here should be watching with fear.

8)Republicans- Recent polls taken by legitimate pollsters show that American across the board are fed up with the pseudo scandals and want them to concentrate on jobs and economy. Most surprising, a majority of republicans also agreed that enough was enough and we should start focusing on things that matter. Of the three scandals, only the IRS one was making any headway with Benghazi dropping fast and the AP scandal hardly registering at all. Michelle Bachmann has left the building as of 2014 and comedians everywhere cry in disbelief as their material is going to suffer. Obamacare is still being demonized even though early data show it is even more effective than thought although some disinformation about higher rates in CA have been put out there but do not appear to be true at this point.

9)Will Smith- You may be the most popular star on the planet right now, but your latest fiasco, After Earth, is all your doing. You helped write the terrible script, inexplicably picked M. Night Shamaladingding to direct and set your your young son up to fail big time by biting off more than he could chew. The cherry on top was the bullshit Dianetics crap you shoe horned in because there is nothing audiences love more than Scientology. Maybe you should rethink about being in Independence Day 2 after all.

10)FBI- These assholes have done a great job in ruining any good will they could ever have with the unbelievablely amateurish explanation over the mysterious death of Ibragim Todashev this week by FBI agents. Their story went from he had a knife, to a gun, to a metal rod, to a broomstick as a weapon. The last one makes the least sense as no one in the history of the world has ever died from being struck by a broomstick. I doubt serious injury is even possible with such a flimsy weapon. Recent photos show Todashev appears to have been shot in the back of the head at close range. Why? Supposedly only one agent fired, but as he was struck seven times from different angels, that also appears to be a lie. This is the kind of thing Congress should be investigating because the official story is bunk. Even the dead victim's history is suspect. The FBI claims he was a radical Chechen, which his friends and background suggest not to be true either. This is the organization that tried to railroad an innocent guy for the Anthrax letters, than hounded another to his death and tried to pin it on him as well. When evidence was submitted to the US National Research Council for review, it was laughed at as incompetent at best with questionable science and impossible methods. The FBI is lying to us again and I want to know why. So do many many others who have now opened the door for a defense for the surviving Boston Bomber of "the government set me up". It probably won't work but this case should have been a slam dunk and these douches are fucking it up with their boobery. So congratulations FBI you are indeed douchebag of the week.

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