DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: AMERICA

Another week where it would be far easier to name people who weren't douchebags because damn almost everyone on Earth was. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Martha Johnson- The head of the GSA, the organization responsible for watching for government oversights, was let go this week after a lavish, near million dollar party, was revealed to a surprised public. The party took place in Vegas and included clowns, bike building, and a mind reader. The fact that they were in Vegas and still spent outrageous sums of money on ridiculous things make you really question Johnson's judgement. She was given the quit or be fired speech and wisely chose the latter.

2)DHS-The New Gestapo bought 450 million rounds of illegal, hollow point bullets this week along with countless bullet proof security booths. Sounds like someone is preparing for civil unrest and a brutal crackdown. This can't bode well for us.

3)Barack Obama- Not to be outdone, Obama had his Justice Department goons shut down Oaksterdam University in Oakland. One of the largest distributors of medical marijuana, this Nazish crap has to stop as Obama is arresting and punishing SICK PEOPLE. Hitler used do the same. Just saying. If the GOP really stood for freedom and constitutionality they would condemn this act but nope not a word from the even more fascist republican heads.

4)Newt Gingrich- Why are you still running? I said it months ago and will say it again: Nobody likes you. Go home.

5)Rick Santorum- You have also lost so take your sanctimonious ass and beat feet. Evangelical America is not Real America anymore than plastic food is real food. There aren't as many of you loudmouth religious nutbags as it seems and voting certainly seems to demonstrate that. Go home.

6)Ron Paul- If your isolationistic stance wasn't bad enough, your desire to rip apart all social programs like SS and Medicare have doomed your otherwise interesting campaign. Time for you to leave as well but I'll at least hold the door open for you while I would slam it in the face of the other two.

7)Mitt Romney- I've never seen a candidate lose a race this early in the campaign. His chances of beating Obama in the fall are about as great as me running in the next marathon carrying Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell and Hurley from Lost on my back. He's lost women, gays, Hispanics and Moderates on a host of issues. Change his tune and he's a flip flopper. Stay true to "conservative" ideas and get crushed in the fall. It's lose-lose either way. Short of Obama getting caught screwing his daughters while crapping on the Constitution, he's with us for another four years. Swell.

8)North Korea- Starving and alone, the last true communist country is planning to test a three stage rocket later this week. The US and its allies are afraid that this is just a test of a long distance rocket capable of hitting the US with a nuke and they would be right. Japan and South Korea have vowed to destroy it if it flies into their air space. This is exactly why Iran cannot be allowed to get a nuke as the destabilization process can lead to catastrophic consequences.

9)Iran- Shooting down peace talks again as they made unreasonable demands, along with Israel, that derailed the whole thing before it started. War may be delayed, but I still feel that at some point it will happen as all sides seem determined to start one.

10)America- We have lost our freaking minds in this country. With douchebags like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson fanning the flames of racism it was inevitable that people would start getting hurt or killed. Two white men went on a shooting spree on black people in Tulsa the other day which was almost certainly race related. Neo Nazis are now patrolling the streets of Sanford FL to protect white people from black violence. The irony in that is they are patrolling Sanford in solidarity with George Zimmerman, a Hispanic Jew. Not to be outdone, black people are beating innocent people such as the white guy beat and stripped by a black crowd in Baltimore on St. Patrick's Day or the five black youths who beat a 78 year old Vietnam Vet in Chicago because he was white. Most recently, a writer for National Review, John Derbyshire, was fired for a horribly written article that was SO racist against black people it felt like something you would have read a hundred years ago. Read any message board geared toward one race or another and prepare to read the worst racist statements about white or black people imaginable. All this could go away if the freaking Sanford Police Department would just ARREST GEORGE ZIMMERMAN. And then, let him get his day in court and not lynch him the way all black people want. Everyone's happy. Do your job already, Sanford. You're tearing this country apart. So congratulations America, you're letting the rich divide us and literally getting away with murder. We are indeed douchebags of the week.