1)TSA- A week cannot go by without mentioning these assholes. Not only did the former head of the TSA say she thinks all these regulations are bunk, but in trying to fight against them, lost her job as well. Another video has surfaced showing how awful the new "show me naked" video machines are by demonstrating their worthlessness, a fact echoed by almost every other nation on Earth who have refused to use them. A TSA agent was caught stealing IPODs from luggage making this officially the TSA's new pastime as it seems half their staff has been found guilty of this crime. For the countless time in recent weeks, the umpteenth TSA agent has been arrested for child porn making it the third greatest profession for child molesters right after priest and politician. The icing on top was the detention of Indian film super star, Shah Rukh Khan, who was detained by Newark officials for over ninety minutes. The sad part about this is that this the SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. Here's what he has to say:
"Yes, it always happens, it's nice. Whenever I start feeling arrogant about myself, I always take a trip to America," he joked with students."The immigration guys kick the stars out of stardom," said Khan, who boasted of some small victories when he was questioned, such as fibbing about his height.
"The next time I'm gonna be more adventurous. What color are you? I'm gonna say white," said Khan, who has acted in nearly 80 films.
This is why America is falling way behind on international tourism. Do you really think if this was just some Indian traveler on his way to vacation would ever come back again? While not against racial profiling, especially in air travel, this is ridiculous. This man is obviously not a terrorist. Idiots.
2)Ryan Leaf- Former football star, Ryan Leaf was arrested this week for four felonies stemming from obvious drug use. He was caught burglarizing a friend's home for oxycotin. This is the true drug scourge of our time, yet Obama and his idiot storm troopers are too busy busting pot sellers. If Romney wasn't the nominee, Obama could have been in real trouble.
3)Mitt Romney- The Mitt Bot has sewn up the nomination to a resounding, WEEEEEEEEEE! He has almost zero chance of winning and the race hasn't even started yet. Way to go pandering to the far right and even they may not vote for you. Polls show Obama up huge in swing states and I don't expect too much in way of gains short of the economy nose diving before November which is highly unlikely. This is a classic study of how not to run a campaign. Here are four words for why he's going to lose big: Paul Ryan's Budget Plan. Even Republicans think this was a terrible idea. Expect this election to go the way of McCain or Dole for turnout.
4)Newt Gingrich- Are you still here? GO HOME!
5)Rick Santorum- This tool finally saw the writing on the wall and actaully went home. He said he was winning in a totally different way. Yeah, it's called losing you schmuck. He and the rest of the American Taliban need to go away and it appears as if a good percentage of America is feeling the same way. These guys aren't nearly as important as they think they are.
6)Ron Paul- I respect you but like wise, it's time to quit and think about running as a third party. This ship has sailed. I would think that ramping down the talk of ending social security and medicare as it really sunk your campaign.
7)Tennessee- These brain powers actually made it illegal to teach any form of sex education in schools including kissing and even holding hands. How do these people not accidentally kill themselves every day? Using a knife and fork must be hard.
8)Arizona- Not to be outdone, Arizona has a twofer this week. First they said that life begins at the moment a woman's last period ends. So, even before conception, a woman's is considered pregnant. Unbelievable. Then, they are about to pass a law that will make illegal to bully, threaten, annoy or offend anyone over the Internet. Good luck with that. First amendment concerns aside, the level of lawsuits that could arise form this will swamp the Arizona court system. If it does pass, I would suggest that anytime Governor Jan Brewer says ANYTHING, a class action lawsuit should be filed against her for "offending" our sensitive ears. This is the dumbest law in a state filled with them.
9)Qatar- This small Middle East country has overtaken the US as the fattest people on Earth. Not exactly the trophy you should be striving for. Not only is diabetes rampant, but they have the highest level of genetic problems due to very incestuous relationships demanded by royalty only marrying royalty. Way to go dudes.
10)Iran- In traditional fashion, Iran calls for peace talks, balks about it for a while and then condemns the whole thing. Here a statement for the cheap seats: THEY DON'T WANT PEACE BUT A NUCLEAR BOMB! Get it through your heads that this is a constant delay tactic used since the beginning of time to stall for more time. If your evidence shows any proof of a nuclear program that is weaponizing materials, an attack is absolutely necessary regardless of the outcome. A nuclear armed Iran is a surefire way to end the world. Just look how destabilizing North Korea is with their nuke program and they are not religious nutbags.
11)Secret Service- Almost douchebag of the week, the secret service this week got into heaps of trouble after evidence surfaced of agents using hookers while on assignment. The sad part is that this is all over one agent refusing to pay the $47 dollars to one hooker. As a result, the whole ordeal is now national news and is even enveloping members of our military. How popular do you think that one agent is right now? I think that not only is he going to get fired but his chances of employment anywhere are going to be pretty slim. Doesn't look good on a resume that not only did you get fired from your job as a secret service agent but were also a cheap bastard as well.
12) North Korea- The laughingstock of the planet this week after their rocket blew up less than two
minutes after it was launched. This action of idiocy, not only showed your still going to be condemned to the kiddie table of world affairs, but you've pissed off everyone, including the Chinese who are the only real allies you have left. The US has suspended all talks and all aid while raising the spectre of even more sanctions against the barely breathing nation. Now comes talk about a nuke test that may just end your sad little nation. No man is an island and no nation can survive long in today's multi-national world. China is starting to see the writing on the wall about your viability and don't be surprised if they say 'Hasta La Vista, Baby." So congratulations Kim Jung Un and North Korea, you are indeed douchebags of the week.