DOUCHEBAG OF THE YEAR: CORPORATIONS

It's been a stellar year for douche bags(with a few heroes sprinkled in thank God). Obama just missed the top honor but was saved by some great foreign policy issues. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Anthony Weiner- Only a deranged lunatic would be a member of Congress and then proceed to send off pictures of his junk willy nilly to anyone who wanted them. His denial of "I can't be sure whether that is a picture of my penis or not," send comedians everywhere into an ecstatic state and his career into the toilet. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm sure I could identify my junk in a line up.

2)Victoria Jackson- Somewhere out there is a conservative comedian who might actually be funny. This bigoted fool and people like Dennis Miller, are quite simply NOT FUNNY. Once upon a time, maybe. Now, I'd rather watch Pauly Shore struggle through a set. Jackson lost her mind this year as she warned us that Muslims were taking over the country led by Obama. Her rants were beyond disturbing and even a little dangerous as she went from any talk show that would have her as she channeled Joe McCarthy. Someone should remind her she wasn't very good on SNL and even less so now that her fundamentalist Catholic crap has brainwashed her. Muslims are not taking over the country moron. Go eat a bullet and save us this bigoted, Nazi garbage you crazy bitch. Besides, considering how bad a shape we are in, who'd want us anyway?

3)2012- Yes this date is a douche thanks to several predictions that say the world will end, most notably by the Mayans. The world may very well end this year but I doubt the Mayans will have anything to do with it. Our ability at self-fulfilling prophecy may do it to us instead. I firmly believe that should we actually reach Dec. 21 2012, the day will come and go with no signs of impending doom from the heavens. Getting to that date may be an issue in and of itself as we do seem to be headed for a very steep cliff on a car with no brakes, steering wheel or driver. Next year does look bleak and, the next few weeks will tell us lots.

4)Odd Bird death Explanations- Once again, dead birds rained across Arkansas. The cause: fireworks. Again. Unfortunately fireworks were banned this year due to last years similar apocalyptic occurrence making this explanation somewhat unlikely. And didn't they have fireworks before last year with no effect? I don't know what is going on but it doesn't appear to be what they say it is.

5)Rebecca Black- This odious song was auto tuned to death and had the lyrical depth of a suicide note. I was fine with this as I honestly thought Black, a thirteen year old girl, had written it. Turns out an adult had. WTF? This is where we at with entertainment: anyone with enough money can get something out out into the mass market no matter how bad it is. Worse, some idiots will always buy it. Worst song of the year by far.

6)John Pike/Tony Baloney - These fat fuckers pepper sprayed innocent people just because. A true sign of the fascist state we not officially live in. I hope they get a taste of their own medicine one day.

7)Megan Kelly- This Fox news anchor said pepper spray was basically a food additive. The next time she's in restaurant I hope some enterprising waiter takes her up on her offer and blasts her food with some.

8)The Tea Party- No particular reason for them to be on this list other than they exist. I loathe the Tea Party and what they have become.

9)OWS- Yes I agree with them but their refusal to make any sort of demands blunted their movement to where it is now: an on line site. You had momentum and lost it. Liberal bullshit is no better than conservative crap. Make some demands already and step away from the drum circle. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

10)The GOP race for President- Another stellar year from the gifts that keep on giving to people like myself. Let's recap. Donald Trump started big until his ego blasted him into space. Michelle Bachmann rose and fell like she was destined to after one too many gaffes at the mike. Rick Perry shot across the sky like a comet by reminding us how stupid people running for office from Texas seem to be. Herman Cain groped his way across America until that bus stalled. Lastly came Gingrich, a WTF moment where you honestly wondered whether the GOP electorate had lost their minds. Now it's between Romney and Paul with the evangelicals looking at Santorum. Really? Yeah, he'll beat Obama in 2012. Christ.

11)William Adams- This judge beat his daughter with a belt in a video she posted online. He was subsequently suspended pending an investigation. Good.

12)Iran/Syria- These morons are all but daring the world to invade. With Iraq out of the picture, the CFR giving the green light and most of the Middle East onboard, this could happen at any time. Iran and Syria are not helping with their continuing belligerence, including repeating that the Straits of Hormuz could be closed at their whim at any time. New sanctions were signed into law today that could result in a total oil embargo on Iran. They have called this an act of war. Time may be running out in this passion play.

13)Obama- A mixed year for our embattled President. He expertly dealt with things like the Tea Party, Trump, Birthers and a lot of wanted terrorists like Osama bin Laden. On the flip side, today he signed the new Enabling Act which now makes the President a king with the power to throw whoever he wants in prison. A dangerous turn in a country rapidly turning into something else. His dealings with the GOP have been disastrous and his negotiation skills are the worst I've ever seen. He has broke just about every campaign promise he ever said and I for one won't be voting for him the next election.

And our winner is, drum roll please DADADADADADADADA...................

14)Corporations- Not only did they take over the country, they also made some of the worst business decisions I have ever seen. Drunken monkeys could run these things better. For this they get paid hundreds of millions of dollars? Are you kidding me?
Netflix forgot that the middle class has been wiped out and rose prices sixty percent. The outcome: a huge spike in cancellations or lowering the amount each individual spent each month. Combined with the Qwikster fiasco, they ate it big. So did banks like Bank of America, Wells Fargo and Citibank who were forced to scrap plans to charge people for their use of a bank card after customer complaints. Verizon did the same after plans to charge two dollars to pay the bill on line received massive backlash. The level of greed and stupidity with these idiots is staggering. But they now control the way the world works as unlimited spending on candidates is having the desired effect. Only Ron Paul is sticking it in their eye as his supporters refuse to fall for the media blitz campaigning Romney as the only guy who could beat Obama. Don't believe it. Paul may not be the best candidate but right now he is the only candidate. If we don't take some drastic measures here soon, this country is toast and neither Romney nor Obama are going to be that person. The world may indeed end, and soon, so don't fall for their dirty tricks. Congratulations corporate America, you are indeed douchebag of the year. Mazle Tov.