Thursday, December 29, 2016


Wow, there was a lot of wank this year. Some like the Story of Us, which got positive reviews from the critics and turned out to be a big hit, but I found it so sugary I almost went into diabetic shock. Others, like 90% of the sitcoms this year were just plain awful along with some painful remakes and mindbogglingly stupid premises that never should have been filmed in the first place. It is a miracle that some of these shows are still on. Let's see what I suffered through this year.


10)Rocky Horror on Fox- I have seen this movie more than any other film, easily in the hundreds. I used to go twice every weekend and act it out with my friends and we had a great time. And while I was neither gay nor a fan of musicals, I really love this picture even though it is pretty terrible with a great soundtrack. The stage play they did last year on BBC was fantastic so I had hoped for greatness from this but after the initial few minutes, I found the whole thing flat. The songs were more popish sounding, the acting poor and making the lead an actual transvestite didn't work for some inane reason. This was a real disappointment.

9)Pure Genius- I love shows about smart people but don't usually care for doctor shows, other than House which was awesome. I thought this might be like the later and quickly found it wasn't. Pretentious as hell and deadly dull, this show has already been cancelled which is hardly a shock as you would need a defibrillator to stay awake during it.

8)Scream Queens- The first season was okay and I was fine with it being a one off season. Then they did the unthinkable: they renewed it. I watched the first two episodes before deciding that if my sole reason for watching was to see Emma Roberts disrobe a lot, it was time to move on. This was one of several shows that did not need a second season.

7)Wayward Pines- See above for the exact same review minus Emma Roberts and inserting my least favorite actor of all times, Jason Patric and what you have is a show I will never watch. Apparently, neither did anyone else. This was supposed to be a one time show, like Scream Queens, until some idiot executive decided they could squeeze more blood from what turned out to be a very heavy stone. Stop doing this.

6)Notorious- I pegged this show for a quick death and I was right. Nobody was going to watch this show about a reporter and a lawyer teaming up to solve crimes or something (I never watched one second of this misfire other than some clips and trailers), especially as it is apparently based on the life of Mark Geragos, who not only looks nothing like the lead, but is a middling lawyer at best. His defense of Scott Peterson was terrible and even though that guy looked guilty as hell, the evidence against him was circumstantial at best. Just like in that case, this show got a death sentence.

5)Conviction- I love Hayley Atwell, having discovered her on Pillars of the Earth (along with Eddie Redmayne) and was thrilled with her as Peggy Carter. This show however was a giant waste of everyone's time, that like Scream Queens, the sole reason to watch was to see Atwell undress in the first episode. Everything other than that was horrible. Another show that will soon be on the dust heap and we can only pray that this talented actress finds a far better role.

4)Vinyl- This show cost $100 million dollars to make. Chances are, for a lot of you, you've never heard of it. It had something to do with the record industry in the 1970's and landed with a huge thud. Oddly, HBO renewed it after the first episode, but a few ones later, they changed their mind and cancelled it. One of the biggest, costliest flops in history. Scorsese who saw this and his latest film Silence die at the box office and in the ratings has correctly said that his style of film making is no longer relevant. He will always be one of my favorite directors ever, but unless you are Clint Eastwood, time catches up to us all. Spielberg, Altman and Hitchcock all faded in their old age. Maybe it is finally happening to Scorsese too.

3)Man with a Plan/Kevin Can Wait- These sitcoms are painful to sit through. I refuse to watch one more show where the husband is a fool/man child whose much hotter wife has to take care of everything. Both shows are so interchangeable I don't even remember the plot to either. Imagine the outrage if for the last fifty years women were always played by morons where the far hotter husband has to tell her what to do all the time. It would never happen. So why is this okay then? Stop watching crap America.

2)Fear the Walking Dead- The Walking Dead is one of my favorite shows so I was thrilled when a spin off was announced. I watched the first season and found it to be okay. Some of the characters were really annoying, like the drug addicted son and the son from another marriage was kind of a douche. This season however, I found myself rooting for the zombies to eat everyone. The two that were kind of awful last year went into full blown nutjob mode which made me stop watching altogether. I truly do not care what happens to anyone on this show anymore.

1)MacGyver- I will admit I was never a fan of the old show. But my fiancee was so I agreed to watch it. We both sat in stone faced silence as we witnessed some of the dumbest dialogue, piss poor special effects and idiotic plot lines in some time. There was nothing good about this show but somehow went on to be a huge hit. WHY? WHAT? This is why the country is headed for a steep fall because this show sucked on a grand scale and yet millions went "YEAH!" My head hurt after wards as my brain tried to escape the hell I was subjecting it to. Don't watch unless lowered IQ points is your thing.

Dishonorable mentions- Fuller House, MSM, Supergirl, Family, The Bachelor, anything with a Kardashian or Kanye West in it, Frequency, No Tomorrow.

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