DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: GOLDMAN SACHS

Yes, an American soldier went nuts in Afghanistan and killed a whole bunch of people but he was still less a dick then Goldman Sachs who, surprise, surprise, screw their customers over on a regular basis. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Invisible Children- I have been holding off on commenting on this story until I had time to properly research it. One side said Joseph Kony is a psychopathic warlord while the other side screamed propaganda. So which is it? Both are technically right as Kony is a dangerous man, but most of his worst atrocities seem to be from at least six years ago. The video is slickly made and somewhat disingenuous. It does appear to advocate a military action against Uganda, falsely making Kony look like the de facto ruler of the country with an army of 30,000 child soldiers. The truth of the matter is that Joseph Kony had fled the country years ago, roamed the jungle with his less than 200 followers and, for all tense and purpose, is already marginalized to the extreme with little chance of regaining former glory. There are rumors that Obama wants to invade Africa for re-colonization purposes, but I feel those ideas are way out in right field, and I see little proof of it. I feel bad for what is going on there, but unless American interests are being challenged, we have our problems to worry about right now. Sorry Unganda and Darfur, but our plate is full right now. Ask China to help. Oh and by the way, Kony is some Christian nutbag who believes in polygamy, child rape and torture. Must have skipped over that part of the Bible that says that behavior is okay. This is what religion breeds.

One of the co-founders, Jason Russell, of the group Invisible Children this week was arrested for public masturbation, being naked and acting irrational. He was hospitalized this week for some unknown, or made up, medical condition. The old stand by of exhaustion was used, but for some reason, no matter how tired I get, I've never wanted to rip off all my clothes and jerk off in front of people. Some sort of drugs or psychotic break had to have occurred with the latter being the most likely. This isn't the kind of publicity this group was trying to generate. Oh and he's also a devout Christian too, a twofer against the increasingly unstable Christian population who seem hell bent on creating an American Taliban.

2)NY cops- With Arab Spring yet to materialize, NY Spring is here and hundreds of people "occupied" Zucotti park once again. The gains were swiftly erased as thug, storm trooper cops arrested people en masse and chaos ruled. Dozens were arrested and, as nothing has changed since the last round of occupiers were arrested, expect more and more of this and violence to start being met with violence. Politicians better wake up and realize what is going on. America needs a raise, we need jobs and we need security and the only thing you are providing is gestapo level security against those we don't want security for. Start arresting bankers, not protesters. Stop companies from off shoring jobs, lowering pay and making us worse twice as hard for twice as less. This Merry-Go-Round is about to stop and when it does, no one is going to be happy.

3)Christians- Yes I know I am beating up on God today but Christ, Christians get a grip. Rick Santorum, that bastallion of anti-bigotry and fair headedness, declared if elected President he will ban all porn. Never mind the fact that the only way to do that would be to have China level security on all computers and total control over everyone's life. Somehow, I don't think that policy would fly with even the most right wing individual when they can't get to pigfuckers.com or whatever hillbilly trash they like to whack off to. Plus, Santorum had two men booted from a rally for kissing, with the crowd cheering Rick on for his awful stance. Where's a gas leak and a match when you want one. Seriously, the people going to these rallies are just as demented as he is and they vote. If there was ever a serious call for IQ tests to vote, this would be it.

4)John Carter marketing executives-I've read the original books and found they would make a great movie. Unfortunately, this wasn't it. Bad enough you let an egomaniac, first time director (who has made excellent animated films for Pixar in the past) direct, hire a no name, no talent actor for the lead whose previous experience was the low rated Friday Night Lights and a model for Abercrombie and Fitch, and then have the production costs balloon to over $250 million dollars. Then to top it all off, your marketing geniuses drop off of the OF MARS part from the title due to the disaster of Mars Needs Moms and pretty much every other movie that has taken place on the planet in film history (Red Planet, Mission to Mars, Mars Attacks, etc) making it the most generic title imaginable. If all that wasn't bad enough, you release the worst trailers ever that tells the average movie goer nothing about the film. It's not doing well here but is experiencing some good money overseas. Even with that, this turkey will be lucky to break even.

5)U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Robert Bales-This psycho lost his mind and killed a bunch of innocent Afghani people this week, making our stay there less likely much longer. I'm torn by this news because, out of this tragedy, some good may come and we may leave like we should have years ago. Things are never going to get any better in this backward country and the fact that the near daily rioting by Muslim extremists have helped cause all of this is somewhat ironic. It reminds me of the story of the three teenagers taunting a tiger at a local zoo until the poor creature became so enraged that it lept out of its enclosure and ate them. There's a lesson in that that if you keep poking a dangerous animal, sooner or later, it will kill you.

6)Goldman Sachs- After a scathing NY Times op-ed piece Greg Smith, the London based derivatives salesman blasted CEO Lloyd C. Blankfein and President Gary D. Cohn for allowing a "toxic and destructive" environment and regularly screwed over their customers. Smith quit the firm in disgust and wrote the peice in response. While the company denied any wrong doing, Jacki Zehner, who was a partner when she left the firm in 2002, agreed with Smith that the company had been doing awful things for some time and was the main reason she left.

The results were immediate. Goldman Sachs saw $2.15 billion of its market value wiped out.
The shares dropped 3.4 percent in New York trading yesterday, the third-biggest decline in the 81-company Standard & Poor’s 500 Financials Index. LOL.

According to the article, executives hadn't changed their behavior even after a $550 million dollar payment to settle a fraud lawsuit brought by the SEC in which they were accused of misleading clients.

“Over the last 12 months I have seen five different managing directors refer to their own clients as ‘muppets,’ sometimes over internal e-mail,” Smith wrote. “It astounds me how little senior management gets a basic truth: If clients don’t trust you they will eventually stop doing business with you.”

Goldman Sachs is in no danger in going under as that drop in revenue is only a small fraction of what they bring in. Blankfein and Cohn are in no danger of losing their job or being arrested because in three days no one will remember this story except me and a few of my loyal readers. America has ADD when it comes to news, of infotainment as it is now, and this story is no different. The banks are out to get you. And if they sight their laser focus on you, you're screwed. So congratulation Goldman Sachs you are indeed douchebag of the week.