DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: THE NFL AND ROGER GOODELL

Of all the sports out there, football is the only one I actually follow week to week. I am from MA so it's illegal to not root for the Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins at the top of your lungs, but I pay lip service to most of that. However, as I am writing this, I also have the Pats score info going on a split screen so I don't miss anything. That being said, this has been one of the worst weeks for football due to the astronomical number of mistakes made by everyone and everything involved. It was so bad, I will have to break it down into subgroups for a rarity when I get to the top of this dung heap. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Sarah Palin- Oh, Sarah, please, please, please run for President so I can throw more scorn your way for being not only a dumb hick but a terrible human being as well. Turns out this week that the Palin clan got into some sort of scuffle at a party with fist punching, ripped shirts and what you would expect to happen to Honey Boo Boo's family and not a former candidate for VP. Apparently, Willow Palin's ex was at a party, to which Track and Bristol ending up getting all up in this guy's grill when they showed up drunk and out of control. Bristol punched the guy repeatedly as Track ripped his shirt off and beat his chest in true gorilla style. Sarah meanwhile screamed "Don't you know who I am?" To which we all wish we didn't. Let's all say it together: PLEASE LET THERE BE A VIDEO OF THIS. Come on TMZ, you've been on fire this week. Do not let me down now.

2)PC Racism- This week, Hawks owner, Bruce Levenson, was forced to resign over racist comments. I, at first, thought a Don Sterling-like repeat of history was going to happen until I read the supposed racist email and discovered to my horror, it really wasn't. In a inter-company email, Levenson noticed that whites were coming to his game less and less, and as economic reality is that whites have more money to spend, wanted to figure out a way to get more white people to increase attendance. He went out of his way within the email to say he had never had any problems with black people at his games or outside the stadium and did not blame them for the lack of attendance by whites. He rightfully said that Southern white males might feel comfortable in a room 70% black, and considering the racist attitudes that permeate throughout black culture lately (not to mention historically racist attitudes from Southern whites), can you blame them? In my local paper, a liberal, woman columnist rightfully saw this as a PC attack in which a business man is trying to increase revenue for a failing organization. Replace white with black and he's being culturally sensitive. The other way however is racism pure and simple according to the PC police. The liberal black columnist however saw it as a racial attack, which is hardly surprising as lately everything done to a black person is because of race and no other factors, at least according to the black community . Trust me when I say that white people I have known for years are becoming more and more racist because of the rise of the racist black man. This won't end well if we all do not stop these attacks and realize it's not about race, it's about economics. Poor is poor and this divide and conquer method is working dividends for the elites.

3)Utopia- This Fox "reality" show is terrible and fascinating all at the same time. As a TV show, it sucks. From an anthropological point of view, it's riveting. The TV show part is about people fighting, nudity (blurred of course) and unrelenting boredom as nothing happens. No challenges, no winners and losers, just Big Brother on a commune. But step back from that and you can see a microcosm of today's society where no one comes off looking good. The black people are all angry, me oriented people, the white woman are all dirt munching, tree hugging druids, bi-polar, whores, or severely conservative, and the white men are drunken rapists, rednecks or ultra conservative and/or religious. On the second day, a black ex-con with anger issues and Cletus from the Simpsons, decided they didn't like democracy because "they voted and still didn't get what they wanted," and went off to form a short lived Tea Party like separatist group. Apparently, these two lesser brained individuals don't understand that democracy does not mean "always getting my way," as majority rules, a concept that escaped both of them. And the redneck can at least vote which says loads about why this country is so messed up. This show is doomed by the way as the ratings are terrible losing to repeats of second rate sitcoms on Friday.

4)Anti-Israel morons- This week has seen a strange uptick in anti-Semitism, most likely brought on by the recent Gaza war in which civilians were killed, including children, that the liberal left would have us believe are always avoidable, even though in war, they rarely are. So for that, swastikas were painted on a Jewish deli in PA as well as synagogues nationwide. People are calling for a boycott of SNL because they dared to hire Sarah Silverman, a JEW gasp!, to host the second week. Some even gloated over the tragic death of Joan Rivers for her support of Israel. The best was when Ted Cruz got booed off the stage at a recent speech to a Christian group, until I found out that Captain Dumbass was actually in the right for defending Israel's right to defend itself. Sigh, I hope the world rights itself soon, because I can't stand being on the same side as Ted Cruz.

5)Ted Cruz- God is quick the days. Yes, everyone's favorite moron in Congress helped me gain my equilibrium by suggesting that the democrats trying to fix Citizen's United was actually about Free Speech. According to him, if the bill passed, shows like SNL would cease to exist and cellphones would be regulated out of existence. None of that is true by the way as the bill the left tried to pass would have established the same controls that existed for over a hundred years until the douchebags on the Supreme Court overruled them. The end result has been the end of democracy and the rise of the oligarchy we now live under. What a dick as NO republican voted for this bill killing it. This is what voting for the GOP gets you: fascism.

6)Ebola- The more this disease spreads, the greater the chance for mutation. According to some scientists, it may already be occurring and some are speculating that the disease may be airborne to a limited extent. If true, this will become an epidemic and possibly a world wide problem if it ever gets to the slums of Egypt, India or China. If it ever mutates further to become a flu-like virus, as Ebola Reston was (but only affected monkeys), civilization will end as at least 30% of the population of Earth will not survive. Fun.

7)Satire- When did satire become a lost art? From fake news sites like the Onion and Empire News, we get these barely recognizable stories of satire that many are mistaking for real news. Satire is hard to write, and when I do it here, you know I am not being serious. My satirical story on one of the Republican debates is still being shared out there in cyberspace today. But no one reading it would be confused by it being an actual story. I can't tell you how many articles I read that I think are real until I get near the end if it. Stop writing satire people. Most of you really suck at it.

8)ISIS/The Middle East- Basically double dog daring us to do anything, ISIS killed a British Aid worker yesterday. As almost everyone in the area is now demanding action, air strikes are all but inevitable. However, as none of the countries we have sold all this high tech hardware seems to have any interest in actually using any of it, the burden once again falls on us. Can Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Kuwait or any other Muslim nation get off their lazy ass and do something for once? This is as much your problem, as you have helped create this mess in the first place. Enough already.

9)The NFL and Roger Goodell- What the hell happened to the NFL this week? We have seen multiple scandals, Goodell's horrific CBS interview and the rise of organizations like NOW demanding his head. First, let's start with Ray Rice. Rice is a piece of garbage who hits women. I have never been so drunk or high or stupid to EVER hit a woman, and I have been punched by several, and never hit back. There is almost no reason to ever a hit a woman unless your life or hers is in danger. Some fans of the Ravens, including a host of really stupid women, wore his jersey in support of Rice, saying it was an internal matter. No it isn't, as women beaters have no place anywhere in society, least of all making millions as a role model in the NFL. Get a clue. If that wasn't bad enough, three more players got into trouble this week. Warren Sapp and Lesean McCoy both stiffed their waiters, with Sapp writing across his receipt "Boys Don't Tip," perhaps an allusion to the fact that black people are notoriously bad tippers. That is not a racist by the way but fact and you can ask any waitress or waiter about that. McCoy left a paltry twenty cent tip, to which Charlie Sheen donated $1000 to the waiter to make up for McCoy's doucheness. Both claim "bad service" but that has been brought into question by people who witnessed the whole thing and the owners of each establishment. The worst was Adrian Peterson, who was arrested for beating his four year old with a "switch," otherwise known as a tree branch, in what can only be described as the worst timing possible. Here is a link to every single player arrested this year:

http://www.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2014-02-18/nfl-players-arrested-in-2014-photos-ray-rice-darren-sharper-kellen-winslow

There are 22 in all. All but one is black. As there is no way racism played any role into their arrest, why are 90% of those arrested for everything from DUI to rape, black? Why is this not a bigger problem for the black community whose men are being arrested and jailed even though their race was a definitive non-factor?

Then we have the media who ignored this story until TMZ got a hold of the video outside the elevator first, and then beat them again to the video INSIDE the elevator when Ray Rice punched his then fiancée unconscious. Why was NBC news too busy doing an entire piece on Angelina Jolie's wedding dress to look up this story? When Hustler, The National Inquirer and TMZ are doing Pulitzer Prize winning work and the rest of the news channels are asleep at the wheel, you know trouble lies ahead.

Lastly, we have Roger Goodell, whose leadership at the NFL may be on borrowed time. His interview with CBS news was laughable at best, when he spoke out of both sides of his mouth, but his allegations that no one at the NFL saw the inside the elevator Rice tapes has been undermined by the authorities and press, both of which have confirmed the NFL had the tape in April. Oops. So congratulations Goodell, you are indeed douchebag of the week. You are also a lying sack of garbage.