Thursday, January 21, 2016


If there was ever a reason to question conservatives, no one need look any further than the black hole of intelligence that is Sarah Palin. Much to the obvious detriment of Donald Trump, Sarah Palin threw her support behind the front runner and then proceeded to give a twenty minute speech that was kind of in English, totally non-nonsensical, and a complete laugh riot. Let's take a look at some of the highlights shall we?
 “Thank you so much. It’s so great to be here in Iowa. We’re here just thawing out. Todd and I and a couple of our friends here from Alaska, lending our support for the next president of our great United States of America, Donald J. Trump."

Translation: We just got back from bailing out my douchebag son and babysitting my whore daughter's second bastard kid (possibly third) but here we are.

"Mr Trump, you’re right, look back there in the press box. Heads are spinning, media heads are spinning. This is going to be so much fun" 

Translation: Liberal media bad.

My head is spinning, even if I am not part of the "liberal media" which really doesn't exist anymore than free market economics does. She is right about one thing though. This IS going to be fun.

“Are you ready to make America great again? We all have a part in this. We all have a responsibility. Looking around at all of you, you hardworking Iowa families. You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rockin’ rollers. And holy rollers! All of you who work so hard. You full-time moms. You with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round, and now our cause is one."

Translation: Can I hear a hallelujah? I can name several job positions. Go me.

Nope, not over the retching sound that is American intellect. This is called pandering and she is terrible at it.

"When asked why I would jump into a primary – kind of stirring it up a little bit maybe – and choose one over some friends who are running and I’ve endorsed a couple others in their races before they decided to run for president, I was told left and right, ‘you are going to get so clobbered in the press. You are just going to get beat up, and chewed up, and spit out.’ You know, I’m thinking, ‘and?’ You know, like you guys haven’t tried to do that every day since that night in ’08, when I was on stage nominated for VP, and I got to say, ‘yeah, I’ll go, send me, you betcha. I’ll serve."

Translation:I am willing to stick my head in a bear trap again because I have no long term memory.

Apparently her associates are smarter than her as she did get beat up in the press for saying things untrue, garbled or both. You couldn't watch a newscast or daily comedy program that didn't hype this up to the T. And, as her support is mostly Tea Party idiots, which is NOT the Trump demographic (angry, uneducated white people who have a disdain for any politics until recently), her support here hurts more than helps, as several interviewed people at the rally were asked, many who looked as if they would fit right in with the militia groups who took over the wildlife preserve, said they hated her.

"And if you love your freedom, thank a vet. Thank a vet, and know that the United States military deserves a commander-in-chief that loves our country passionately, and will never apologize for this country. A new commander-in-chief who will never leave our men behind."

Translation: I have no recollection of any President previous to Obama which means he was responsible for every bad decision in the history of the country. 

More nonsense about Obama's nonexistent "apology tour," that only occurred on right wing fantasy land. And apparently, leave no man behind does not apply to people like Bergdahl, which the right screamed bloody murder about (although I did agree with them on this and that dick should have been left to rot), but you can't yell about no man left behind, except when it suits you.

"I’m in it, because just last week, we’re watching our sailors suffer and be humiliated on a world stage at the hands of Iranian captors in violation of international law, because a weak-kneed, capitulator-in-chief has decided America will lead from behind. And he, who would negotiate deals, kind of with the skills of a community organizer maybe organizing a neighborhood tea, well, he decided that, ‘No, America would apologize as part of the deal,’ as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow, and we apologize, and then, we bend over and say, ‘Thank you, enemy."

Translation: We should never apologize for anything even if we are wrong and diplomacy is for pussies.

Depending on which way the wind blows, our president is either a lead from behind weakling or a dangerous tyrant bent on destroying the Constitution. Republicans have shown a intense desire to end the Earth with dangerous talk of nuking Iran back to the Stone Age for the most minor infraction, which is the worst trait for any potential president to have. Unfortunately, all of the GOP is in this boat, slamming Obama for daring to try diplomacy first. According to them, he's a loser for not destroying the planet.

"So troops, hang in there, because help’s on the way because he, better than anyone, isn’t he known for being able to command, fire!"

Translation: Trump is a member of the X-Men. His name is Firestarter and he is capable of burning down large parts of the country, maybe even the world.

Apparently, she thinks Trump is some sort of superhero capable of controlling fire I guess. Or, more likely, her English sucks.

"Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, ‘well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough. Tell me, is this conservative? GOP majorities handing over a blank check to fund Obamacare and Planned Parenthood and illegal immigration that competes for your jobs, and turning safety nets into hammocks, and all these new Democrat voters that are going to be coming on over border as we keep the borders open, and bequeathing our children millions in new debt, and refusing to fight back for our solvency, and our sovereignty, even though that’s why we elected them and sent them as a majority to DC. No! If they’re not willing to do that, then how are they to tell us that we’re not conservative enough in order to be able to make these changes in America that we know need to be…Now they’re concerned about this ideological purity? Give me a break! Who are they to say that?"

Translation: ?

This is technically English but not really. I guess the painkillers, Xanax and eight martinis are really starting to kick in because these sentences are just sad. I think she is going after people who say Trump isn't conservative enough and they would be right. He's not as conservative as you think. There is an interview with him decades ago where he said if he ever ran for president he would do so on the Republican side because "those people are really stupid and easily led."If, God forbid, he ever got into office, his policies wouldn't even by near Ronald Regan let alone Ted Cruz.

 "How ’bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our God, and our religions, and our constitution" 
Translation: Guns, God and Gravy.

Bitter is right and saying God and guns is all you care about explains why places like Flint Michigan have no clean drinking water. If you live there, praying is best before you even wash your hands in that toxic sludge. And stop talking about the Constitution like it is a perfect document. It isn't and it is time for some of it to change. Just not any of the changes these dipshits want to enact.

"Well, then, we’re talking about our very existence, so no, we’re not going to chill. In fact it’s time to drill, baby, drill down, and hold these folks accountable."

Translation: We need cheaper oil because I want to drink it.

Nevermind the fact that oil is cheaper than milk, let's drill for more crap we don't need. And who is it you want held accountable? Perhaps Obama for sending your kid to Iraq, where he came down with PTSD and is now beating his girlfriend, for which he was arrested this week? Oh that's right, it was Obama's predecessor, Bush who not only started this war but whom Track Palin served under. So how is Obama responsible for something after your son already came home after one tour?

"Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ ‘Allah Akbar’ calling jihad on each other’s heads for ever and ever. Like I’ve said before, let them duke it out and let Allah sort it out."

Translation: The Middle East is near New England right?

This is the GOP philosophy in a nutshell. Nuance they don't have. Nevermind the fact that because we have no desire to get off of oil, as well as a right wing push to demonize all green energy, a Middle East war would decimate our economy. Real smart.

“So it can be an unbeatable team with fighters there in the House and the Senate. Yeah, our leader is a little bit different. He’s a multi-billionaire. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, it’s amazing, he is not elitist at all. Oh, I just hope you guys get to know him more and more as a person, and a family man. What he’s been able to accomplish, with his um, it’s kind of this quiet generosity. Yeah, maybe his largess kind of, I don’t know, some would say gets in the way of that quiet generosity, and, uh, his compassion, but if you know him as a person and you’ll get to know him more and more, you’ll have even more respect. Not just for his record of success, and the good intentions for America, but who he is as a person. He’s not an elitist. And yes, as a multi-billionaire, we still root him on, because he roots us on."

Translation: Conservative billionaires good. Liberal billionaires bad.

Here's where she really start to go off the rails. How do you say a multi-billionaire is just like the average guy in one breath and then call someone like George Soros the devil for the exact same thing? Billionaires are elitist. That is the very definition of what they are. ALL billionaires are suspect in this notion and to pick and choose which ones you like and which you don't is just hypocritical.

"And he has, he’s spent his life with the workin’ man. And he tells us Joe six packs, he said, “You know, I’ve worked very, very hard. And I’ve succeeded. Hugely I’ve succeeded,” he says. And he says, “I want you to succeed too.” And that is refreshing, because he, as he builds things, he builds big things, things that touch the sky, big infrastructure that puts other people to work. He has spent his life looking up and respecting the hard-hats and the steel-toed boots and the work ethic that you all have within you"

Translation: Trump is just like you, except he isn't.

The only working people Trump knows are his servants and anyone who screws up a building project. Otherwise, they would be invisible to him. Trump is not building his own buildings. Illegal labor is.

“Now, finally friends, I want you to try to picture this, it’s a nice thing to picture. Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organize again. There, he can finally look up, President Obama will be able to look up, and there, over his head, he’ll be able to see that shining, towering, Trump tower. Yes, Barack, he built that, and that says a lot. Iowa, you say a lot, being here tonight, supporting the right man who will allow you to make America great again. God bless you! God bless the United States of America and our next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump!"

Translation: Please vote this man into office so Jesus can finally return and the Apocalypse will begin.

If Trump gets into office, or any Republican for that matter, the world will end in a smouldering heap as none of these idiots are fit to be in there. I may hate Hillary, and would expect her economic policies to ultimately doom us all, there is no way she gets us in a nuclear war for stupid reasons. Cruz or Trump might do that the first day in office.

All in all, her support may do more harm than good down the road. It may convince some in Iowa to vote Trump. It may make others look at another candidate or stay home completely.

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