Sunday, January 31, 2016

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: MICHAEL BLOOMBERG!

I hate billionaires. They are sucking the life from this planet and are stealing from us all blind. We already have one running for president that a lot of us are VERY wary of, now another may enter the race, this time with possibly disastrous consequences. The former mayor of NYC, Micheal Bloomberg, is talking about entering the race should it come down to a Trump versus Sanders race. This is telling for a number of reason that I will get into later and may demonstrate how screwed we really are. Let's see those runner ups in a crowded week.
 
10)Marvin Jacob Lee- This drunk asshole shot a good Samaritan who stopped to help him after getting stranded in the snow. The obviously intoxicated dick got mad when authorities got called and shot the man who stopped to help him several times. He claims to have no recollection of anything that night. People who do this kind of thing make society less civil and courteous, as it makes everyone even less trustful of each other and kindness dies a little more. This fuckwad should be castrated publicly and forced to eat them afterward. He's the worst of the worst. And then I found this next guy.

9)Joel Wright- This 23 year old seminary student from Ohio was arrested this week for trying to go to Mexico to have sex with an infant.YUCK! The fact he was studying to be a priest, and the fact that Googling "seminary student arrested for X" brings up dozens of cases like this over the last ten years, makes this all the more horrifying. Becoming a priest seems to attract a lot of people with devious sexual urges who wrongly believe celibacy is the only way to go. This dick is the worst. THE WORST!

8)Bundy Militia/FBI- Once again, we have a case that seems cut and dried until you look at it a little closer and realize the FBI may be lying to us again. Considering their track record with telling us the truth, cases like this make us question them even more. First off though is the Bundy militia, a group so brainless and apparently inbred, that they failed to understand the first rule of hostage taking is never leave the hostage. These dorks went out on a deserted road with the entire leadership inside with no protection or plan for what to do when the FBI swooped in, which they did. The guy who made the ridiculous dashboard cam was arrested separately after he went home to visit his kids. Hope he enjoyed it because chances are good he won't see them except behind glass the next time. Now all they have is people probably named "Skeeter," and "Cooter," left at the wildlife reserve, with barely a brain cell between them. The FBI on the other hand have the own problems. As body cams STILL are not on every single police office and agent yet, all we have from them is grainy helicopter footage that may or may not show the one militia guy killed going for his gun. The footage does seem to show that cops shot him first, and the motion that they said was him reaching for a gun, was actually him grabbing where he was shot. Pictures of the victim show his gun on the opposite side he was reaching for. Why grab a gun with your less dominant hand? The video is too far away to determine who is right. If only we had the technology to put cameras on people. If only.

7)B.O.B- This rapper may actually be dumber than the militia above. This week this total retard sent out a series of Tweets claiming he had "proof," the Earth was flat. Where to even begin. We have photos from space that show the Earth is round. We have had astronauts from all of the planet circle the Earth with footage to prove it. Back in the 90's, we have the NASA channel which you could watch the Earth spin in live action. This is dumbness to the nth degree and when assholes like this start spouting off provable nonsense, the world dims a little more. This is why we still have conspiracy theories like the Boston Bombing was a hoax, Sandy Hook was a lie, and Obama is a secret Muslim from Kenya. B.O.B also thinks we never landed on the moon even though anyone with a good enough telescope can see the lunar landing module with their own eyes. Can we please stop the stupid train because I and millions of others want off?

6)Ayatollah Khamenei and Iranian President Rouhani- Speaking of people who believe ridiculous nonsense, the Ayatoallah was recently quoted as saying the Holocaust was a hoax, meaning he is no better than some of the arm chair detectives who believe the same crap as a third rate rapper. The Holocaust happened and there is more than enough proof that it did regardless of what your weird cousin Stan thinks or what you read on the Internet. When Iranian President Rouhani visited France recently, France bent over backwards to cover naked statues when they toured the Louvre. But hilariously, the French drew the line in the sand when the Iranians refused to enter a luncheon unless wine was not served. That was too far and the French said "fine, then we don't eat." Do not fuck with a Frenchman and his wine apparently.

5)Germany, Sweden and Migrants- The country is starting to fall apart and not without reason. After Merkel and her cronies went out of their way to cover up constant attacks by foreigners, mostly refugees, and saying more are welcome, fed up people protested by the tens of thousands in front of the capital. Her hold on power has never been more tenuous. Sweden is about to deport 80,000 refugees back home as attacks on migrants escalates due to a rape culture that is anathema to Western practices. But as he we have this idiotic idea that tolerance is applied equally in all cultural norms, which is asinine, problems are arising fast and furious. This will not end well as the rise of fascism is rearing it's ugly head here and abroad and, if history is any indication, will end badly for us all.

4)Paul Allen- Yet another billionaire who feels the rules do not apply to him. Because of this douchebag's megayacht, 80% of the Cayman Island protected coral reef was destroyed. I have swam there on vacation and am glad I did because it no longer exists. Apparently, he dragged his massive anchor for miles, wrecking the area. His fine should be 90% of his income to fix what he destroyed, accident or not. I'll say it again: I HATE BILLIONAIRES!

3)Planned Parenthood Video Makers- This week, a Texas grand jury cleared Planned Parenthood of any wrong doing, the 12th state to do so. What this conclusively proves is that the Republican party's talking point about this was never real, a real blow to Carly Fiorina's cratering numbers. The truly funny part is that not only was Planned Parenthood cleared, the two idiots who made the video in the first place are the ones being arrested for fraud and trying to buy baby parts in the first place. That is hysterical. Hope they get real time for this damaging piece of propaganda.

2)Republicans- They have not had a good week as Donald Trump still masterfully controls the airwaves. I may not like the Donald for a lot of reasons, but I still like him a lot more than any of the other idiots running for president which somehow, someway would be worse. And this week, they showed it. Jebra Bush is dying on the vine (thank you SNL for that fitting insult) and is blowing through more money with less effect than anyone else. Sarah Palin showed her special brand of lunacy when she endorsed Donald, leading to a string of nonsensical word salad that was barely changed when Tina Fey impersonated her recently, just like 2008. Ted Cruz sent out water to families affected by the Flint, Michigan water crisis but only to supporters who were also anti-abortion, so I am guessing one case at most. Carly Fiorina hijacked a bus load of first graders during a field trip to the local botanical garden to attend a anti-abortion rally. Bet the parents loved that. Ben Carson has apparently fallen asleep and no one can wake him up as he has disappeared from sight especially during the debates. It's coming closer to reality that Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee and he will lose. That is unless....

1)Michael Bloomberg- Because having one billionaire in the Presidential race is not enough, the former mayor of NYC is talking about a third party run. Polls suggest that he will draw heavily from democratic voters due to his idiotic no gun stance, a third rail topic, and finish with about ten to twelve percent of the vote. In every scenario, whether it be Bernie or Hillary, a Bloomberg run becomes another Ralph Nader and may give the GOP run of the White House in a close election. And what if Trump somehow loses? Could this give us President Cruz? I. Will. Vomit. Blood. Polls suggest strongly he has no chance of winning so why enter? Because either the powers that be want him to or his ego is too big to realize the damage he will do by entering. I know which one my money is on and it is the later as people are really, really stupid lately, no matter their stance in life.  The fact that he will not enter the race if Hillary gets the nod show how controlled our politics are. She represents the status quo, which the elites want. Trump and Sanders represent change for better or worse, which is why Trump is so appealing to so many, as is Sanders. Vote for Sanders in the Iowa primary tomorrow regardless of threats from this midget.  He is our last and best hope. So congratulations Michael Bloomberg, if you run or even if you don't, you are indeed douchebag of the week.

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