DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: JOHN ROWLAND

Slow news week, but I was thrilled when super douche, ex-governor of CT, John Rowland went back to prison for being the corrupt bastard I knew first hand he was. One of the deciding factors that made me live CT was this ass and his bitch Lt Governor Jodi Rell. To say I fucking hate, hate, HATE John Rowland would be a massive understatement as the main reason I am not a giant success is partly due to that ass-clown. Let's see those runner ups.

10)Ted Cruz- The loon from Texas is planning on announcing his candidacy for President this week and I could not be happier because he is his own worst enemy. He constantly puts his foot in his mouth on a daily basis which should provide for some great laughs along the way to 2016. No way does this guy win the nomination and what happened this week is a sure fire way to preclude that bet. At a campaign stop, which is what it really was, he scared a seven year old to tears by telling her the world was on fire and we are all going to die. Realizing he was scaring the bejesus out of her, he tried to backpedal saying he and her mom would protect her, but the fact the whole thing is on video is priceless. I am so hoping Donald Trump gets involved too because I will have more fun writing about that than just about anything else.

9)Coca-Cola- Another conglomerate death star that is wiping out water rights worldwide, not to mention contributing to a huge increase in diabetes. It is also fucking delicious. But this week they may have crossed the line into self parody when it came out that they were paying "experts" to claim that a coke is a "healthy snack." These are the same kinds of experts claiming fracking is fine, climate change does not exist and cigarettes should be smoked by everyone. This is positive proof that many studies and experts cannot be believed further fractioning our trust in just about everything.

8)Rep. Aaron Schock- Yet another in the long line of Illinois politicians, party be damned, that is so corrupt it is simply staggering. Dumbass designed his office like Downton Abbey to the tune of $40,000. This led to attention on him which revealed he seemed to spend more time globe trotting than doing his job. It also came out that he committed fraud when he padded his expense account by huge margins, so much the FBI is looking into criminal charges. This isn't about the left or right here, but how both sides seem to screw us regularly. If we don't do something soon about this, this country will fail to exist much longer.

7)KDR frat at Penn State- I have always hated frats and the douchebags they seem to attract. As of late, it would seem that maybe they should be disbanded as an archaic relic of days gone by. Hot on the heels of the SAE frat of University of OK in which racist chants were uttered, comes this latest fiasco which is far, far worse. It came out that an internal, password protected Facebook site had dozens of photos of naked, obviously passed out drunk, co-eds. Rape is rape guys and I hope some of you go to prison and discover how bad rape really is. These guys are in serious trouble.

6)Janet Yellen- Every bit the money whore I suspected she was, this week Yellen did an unfunny stand up act at the latest FED meeting where she claimed that interest rates would not rise until inflation reached 2% a year, which if they were using an accurate measure has been anywhere from 5-11% for the past decade. It's like she thinks I can't do simple math. In 2007, Disneyworld was around $63 a day. Today, it is $105. That's roughly a 40% increase over eight years, or a 5% inflation average per year. I can see that 5 is higher than 2, as can any seven year old. Just about everything else sold, minus clothing and electronics which has not gone up above 2% per year, follows a similar pattern. Yet the government keeps telling us the sky is orange and we should take their word for it. Stop lying to us, you bitch! We know the truth.

5)Charlottesville, VA Police- Cops do have TVs right? Because you would think they live on another planet and haven't seen a newscast for the past year about police beating the crap, or even killing, young black people, mostly for bullshit reasons. Well, it happened again as a police force already under scrutiny for a previous bust that went horribly wrong decided to beat the hell of a black student from University of VA for trying to get into a bar while underage. Why is that an arrestable offense? The whole thing was caught on tape as the bloodied youth turned out to be a well-spoken, not thuggish, straight A student who appears to have been targeted by an out of control police force. These assclowns got themselves into trouble when they accosted a student from the school for buying beer that turned out to be a case of water. She sued and won $250,000. They are almost certainly going to be paying again and even the college has turned against them. Way to win the hearts and minds of the public guys. If you want to know why cops are getting shot more and more, it's cases like this.

4)Dolce & Gabbana- In what can only be described as the dumbest thing said in the history of business, these two assholes may have single handedly destroyed their brand. Long a gay icon of fashion, these fuckwads said: "We oppose gay adoptions. The only family is the traditional one." They also criticized in vitro fertilization and surrogate parents by saying, "No chemical offspring and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed." The fact that both are gay is particularly troubling. They have tried to backtrack on this but the damage is already done. I actually support their ideas in designer babies being wrong which I am whole heartedly opposed to. There is already too many damned people on the planet and we should be having less babies not more. But to say gay people shouldn't adopt is just wrong, and really surprising considering their homosexuality. They were recently found guilty of tax evasion but was reversed later as rich people never got to jail anywhere anymore.

3)Tunisia Vacationers- Why are cruise ships still going to Tunisia. Were Yemen ports too full? Did Somalia say no? Only an idiot would go to a country that has been crumbling for years and this week dozens of tourists found that out the hard way when ISIS killed and wounded them at a museum. Are people so dumb not to realize that some places are far too dangerous to go to now? Tunisia has been in a semi-civil war between seculars and extremists and casualties are going to happen. This attack will further destabilize the country as they rely in tourists dollars which will now come to screeching halt. Get your crazies in line by any means possible at this point because otherwise you are going to learn how to eat dirt to survive because that is all you will be able to afford.

2)ISIS and Muslim Extremists- These assholes were busy this week. The attack on Tunisia was followed by a huge attack in Yemen that killed hundreds. The US is pulling out everyone as the country slips into civil war. ISIS is spreading like a cancer and we seem unwilling or unable to stop it. If we do not launch an all out assault on ISIS in Northern Iraq and Syria, we could be facing the end of mankind. One lone nut could do something like assassinate the Pope or level a city and then it will be genocide instead on a world wide scale. We can kill thousands today, or billions tomorrow. The choice at this point is clear.

1)John Rowland- This fuckhead singlehandedly destroyed any chance for a movie studio in CT, as well as a heavy metal museum proposed by Dee Snyder, by blackmailing us for four million dollars which we of course did not have. As a result, nothing got done, taxpayers dollars was wasted in the millions, and the hundreds of jobs that would have been created went poof. Adrian's Landing, an economic boost for the Hartford area, languished for twenty years as him and Jodi Rell did nothing but take people's money and laugh all the way to the bank. Current governor Malloy may be a terrible one so far but at least he got the development built, and nicely at that as I went to a concert there that was very cool. Rowland went to jail for corruption for one year and a day, thanks to a judge who was appointed by Rowland. Now, douchebag is going back to prison, again for corruption charges, for 30 months in a much less attractive prison. This made my whole week as I hate John Rowland and only want really bad things to happen to him, which they now have. So don't bend over for the soap John as you are indeed Douchebag of the week.