DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: REPUBLICANS

To say Republicans had a piss poor week would be the understatement of the century. CPAC turned ugly, John Boehner's job hangs by a thread, and fifty House Republicans may have just committed Hari Kari by voting against American interests for petty politics. There were so many douchebags this week that if I threw a dart in the air, chances are near 100% I would have hit one on the way down. Let's see those runner ups.

10)E!- For some unknown reason, E! has just renewed Keeping Up With Kardashians for four more years. Why, God, Why? I know their ratings are nowhere near where they were a few years back and four more years of these idiots brings more dread to me than the words "Four years of President Ted Cruz." I am guessing the upcoming sex change by Bruce Jenner has something to do with it, which the cynical part of me thinks that is the main reason for him doing it. Could it possible that these douches are so addicted to fame, money and their TV show that they would be willing to go further than what most people would? You never know.

9)Sheriff Richard Mack- One of many idiot Republicans this week who did something so incredibly stupid, it's literally breathtaking. This ass is in charge of Graham County, Arizona and, that being said, leads to the "I hate Obama," nonsense which has come back to bite him in the ass hard. Seems Mack decided he wanted nothing to do with Obamacare and dropped his health insurance, intent on paying a penalty instead. That is all well and good until the inevitable happened and both him and his wife got sick. Guess whose begging for money to pay for his health care now? Now chances are still pretty good he would have gotten walloped in fees even with insurance. But without it, you will get run over, backed up, run over again, backed up, and run over, until you eventually die. Costs for simple procedures can run tens of thousands of dollars and with a serious illness, as it looks like both Mack and his wife are suffering from, will be ten times that for each. Enjoy life sans Obamacare douchebag. I hope you like bankruptcy.

8)Fashion Police/Black Women- Fashion Police made a funny joke about non-star Zendaya's hair, whose dreadlocks Guilana Rancic said looked like she "smelled of patchouli and weed." Black women had a fit, calling it racist, even though she was making fun of hippies not black people with celebrities who had nothing better to do, like Whoopie Golberg and Viola Davis, throwing a fit about this. Kelly Osbourne has quit the show over it, Kathy Griffin has said NOTHING about this, and Joan Rivers is rolling over in her grave over who her show has been burned, perhaps fatally. Griffin is nowhere near as funny as Rivers and she would have stood up for Rancic instead of throwing her to wolves. Rivers was known for not apologizing which is what Rancic should have said as well. It's a freaking joke and not even a racist one. I, and many like me, are so tired of walking on egg shells around any off-color humor which people in this country take way too seriously. Wake up retards, (that's right I used the r word) and grow a pair already. This kind of crap makes us look so weak to the rest of the planet.

7)Vladimir Putin- Conspiracy theories are already saying Western powers assassinated Putin rival, Boris Nemtsov, who was shot in the back this week. Nevermind the fact that this theory makes no sense, and that Nemtsov was worried that Putin would kill him and publically said so, strongly suggest that Putin had him axed. A word to the wise in Russia: Don't piss off Putin.

6)Michelle Carter- Evil comes in all shapes and sizes. This week it appeared in a very pretty high school girl from Plainville, MA who convinced her friend to kill himself, even ordering him back into the carbon monoxide filled car when he chickened out. Not being terribly bright, she texted all of these messages to the victim, that the police were horrified to read once the kid died. She claimed to be his boyfriend but people who knew him say they were just friends. Could she be so pissed he didn't like her she wanted him dead? Maybe, but this story is messed up and this girl's life is over. Enjoy prison you little psycho.

5)Kristi Capel- Further proof that some pretty girls are just as vacuous as you would expect comes this bon mot from a morning anchor for WJW, Channel 8, in Cleveland Ohio. When the anchors were discussing the Oscars, Lady Gaga's song came up (which was beautiful by the way) Capel, and I can't believe she said this, called Gaga's music "jigaboo music that she didn't like." Wow. Guess who got suspended for a week for that? Not only is it racially offense, it is also not correct as Gaga's music is not ethnic in any way, shape or form. She doesn't sound black, rap, or dress like her pants weigh a million tons. It is so not surprising that she is a former beauty queen who looks good and has no understanding of any of the topics she reads off a teleprompter. And then we wonder why news sucks so hard.

4)Bill O'Reilly-Our Blowhard-in-Chief suffered a real setback this week after fact checkers finally looked at some of his bullshit for the last few decades and found out what a liar this man is. The same douchebags that cried foul at the top of their lungs over Brian Williams are mysteriously quiet over the same things, especially Fox News which has turned lying into an art form. So it's only lying if it occurs to someone you do not like, got it. The same can be said of your candidates you keep endorsing. Reilly stories have been embellished for years, and anyone who watched the Al Franken/O'Reilly book debate many years back will see it was well known then (YouTube it. It's awesome). This man is a serial liar so stop listening to fuckwads like him and Rush Limbaugh already. Just stop.

3)Rudy Giuliani- This ass stepped in it this week calling Obama a traitor to this country who doesn't love 'Murca as much as white people because he's black, a democrat, and according to a lot of people in the GOP, a Marxist Kenyan Muslim with an axe to grind against everyone not like him. Sigh! I do not like Obama and him being black has nothing to do with it, as Eric Holder suggested this week  about his own unpopularity. I also do not question his patriotism. That's just stupid. And so is this ass who can't go three sentences without blurting out 9/11.

2)ISIS- Stupid people from around the globe are joining these douchebags. How dumb do you have to be to think ISIS will be the solution to all of your problems? Even worse, the giant assholes are destroying historical artifacts, especially items from the Assyrian Empire and filming them doing it. I am still of the opinion that we should bomb the hell out of these guys already, treating this like a real war and not some scrimmage. These guys are dangerous as hell and the longer we wait, the harder it is going to be to eliminate them. This reminds of the Nazi's all over again, when we ignored the problem until we no longer could and by then, millions were dead. Evil needs to be fought and this is evil, pure and simple. Hiding behind it as religion is nothing more than a smokescreen.

1)Republicans- These guys really sucked hard this week. CPAC picked Rand Paul as their candidate which suggests that even the most hard core conservative doesn't want Bush who finished a distant fifth, despite bussing in people to help his numbers. Scott Walker finished a close second but has little chance in the general election as his state facts are going to trip him up, not to mention his anti-science views, anti-immigration stance and other things that make him unelectable. Good luck come 2016 because you guys are already behind the eight ball. John Boehner could not get a three week extension passed to fund DHS, which if the democrats are smart, will run against the fifty Republicans who voted against this as traitorous, anti-American losers and could win as a result in even the most hardcore right wing area. Boehner's job looks very shaky as next week, this all starts again with democrats having the upper hand here. Way to lead from behind guys. My favorite was the House Republicans Jason Chaffetz and Mark Meadows who scream about state rights constantly, but then threaten the DC mayor with arrest for daring to follow the will of the voters and legalizing pot in town. This is stupid and self defeating, just like the GOP itself which is self destructing before out eyes. Next week may be a brutal fight between the cry babies and people who act like adults, a bout that could end Boehner's speakership. We can only guess what idiot will take over should that happen and gridlock grip the country to the glee of Democrats everywhere. So congratulations Republicans, you are killing your party and the country and are indeed douchebag of the week.