Sunday, April 24, 2016


A surprisngly slow week on the douchebag front has the Republicans ahead this week as they look forward to November and what appears to be a historic loss the likes of which they haven't seen in decades. Those five stages of death are almost over as the right are rapidly approaching acceptance as even the Koch Brothers publicly acknowledged they may back Clinton over the GOP nominee. Ouch! What does that say about Hillary? Let's see those runner ups.

10)Prince/pills- I was and still am a huge Prince fan. That guy had awesome songs for decades and could play a mean guitar. SNL did a retrospective of his performances last night, along with his famed 40th anniversary set and several Prince sketches which are still funny as hell. But when I found out he died most likely due to years of pill popping, I was horrified. Of all the drugs to do, opiates are the worst. Apparently he suffered from crippling stage fright, and an equal fear of doctors, leading to self medication that eventually took it's toll. I wish he detoxed off these as he was still a gifted musician. Is Death just that too busy to take Justin Bieber already? Prince will be missed greatly.

9)Kyle Tasker- I know I give Republicans a lot of grief, so here's some more for these ultra douchebags who think we all can't read or think for ourselves. Tasker is a Republican state legislator in NH who is currently facing three felony drug charges, which would be bad enough considering this dick voted for stronger drug laws, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The reason the drugs were found in the first place is he was caught red handed trying to lure a 14 year old girl to his place for sex. As always, the 14 year old was a state police officer. Ha Ha! This is the same dork who once dropped a loaded hand gun during a legislative meeting and has made off color comments about domestic abuse. Why do Republicans constantly seem to vote in the worst dregs of society? At least he did resign, unlike other fellow right wingers who have to be removed kicking and screaming.

8)Jordan Brown- And then we have the radical left, who also think that just because you yell WOLF! at the top of their lungs we always have to stop and look. According to a gay preacher who went to Whole Foods for a cake, he got it, got back to his car and only then noticed an extra word added to the Love Wins he asked for, and then FAG, underneath. Brown was rightfully upset and filed suit against the baker. the store and everyone else he could think of. Then it all went tits up. Turns out the baker he accused of writing the slur was also gay, the frosting used to write FAG was different from the other words in color and hand writing, and best of all, the store had video proof that the box had been tampered with after it left the store. Turns out Brown was 25,000 dollars in debt and was being sued just the day before this non-incident happened. Apparently, he missed the commandment that says "thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." Dick.

7)Pat Boone- The religious douche who should have gone to into that deep sleep years ago opened his elderly mouth as if anyone still cares what this dinosaur thinks. He basically went into death threats against the SNL sketch last week, titled "God is Dead 2," which parodied the religious film and conservative intolerance. It was really funny. But like most religious idiots, they lack a sense of humor and brought up that Muslims would kill people who made fun of their God and how come we don't act the same? Because we are civilized people and not backward hicks worshiping the sun, you moron. Just die already and go complain to God that the clouds aren't fluffy or enough or some equally pointless crap.

6)Naked Restaurants- I consider myself to be very adventuresome when it comes to cooking. I've eaten lots of things that sound gross but are actually quite delicious, like rattlesnake, fois gras and escargot. But even I am not that brave to sit in this new London, England eatery where nakedness is a prerequisite. I don't which is worse, the fact that I am naked and even a drop of hot soup on my nether regions will cause me to scream like a little girl making everyone look at me or that fact that everyone else is naked and let's face facts, 75% of them you NEVER want to see naked, It will be hard to enjoy my steak looking at someone's C-scar or fifth roll of fat. And God forbid anyone drop a napkin and bend over because my dinner will be everywhere at that point. I can pass on this type of eating establishment.

5)Boris Johnson- It's good to see that other countries have equally embarrassing politicians to give the late Rob Ford a run for money for biggest dick abroad. Right now, the winner is Boris Johnson, the mayor of London and apparently, a giant racist. After Obama was just there, dickless here said Obama had "ancestral dislike" for Britain due to his "part Kenyan heritage." Part of this was due to a story that Obama had removed a statue of Winston Churchill from the Oval Office, but in reality moved to a different spot where he could see it every day. Facts, people, facts. Johnson was rightfully condemned by many and agreed with Obama that they should stay in the EU (although not with the currency which makes no sense to me) which is why he was there in the first place. As for Johnson, keep your racist nonsense to yourself.

4)Obamacare- There's a lot to like about Obamacare. There's also one fundamental flaw that will ultimately destroy it and that is costs. As it contained no way to control ANY costs, the system would continue to grow out of control, which it is. UnitedHealth just pulled out of Obamacare due to costs, and others may follow. Worse, many companies are planning HUGE premium increases for next year which may swamp the system as subsidies will not be able to keep up with demand. Our health care is falling apart and the GOP keeps telling us they will replace it with something, but their demands make sure the system fails quick because without the individual mandate, insurance cannot work. It would be like trying to build a car without an engine. It might look pretty, but it's not going anywhere. We need to go to single payer or face a world with NO insurance. Your choice.

3)Secret Service- Much like everything else Homeland touches, disaster follows. One of Bush's worst legacies, DHS is a behemoth with no idea what it is doing. It destroys things like the TSA, which keeps getting worse and worse no matter what fixes they try. The Secret Service is so bad a place to work, they can't keep agents for more than a few years. It is now a resume builder, not a career and according to people who have worked there, it sucks bad. No one knows what they are doing, morale is at record lows, people can get written up for the smallest thing and tin gods run the halls. Thank god they don't have an important job or anything. There is now a shortage of agents due to the fact that people would rather be stationed in Iraq than work at the Secret Service which says tons.

2)Margret Hamburg- Who the fuck is this, you ask? Well, if our media was worth a damn you would know that this bitch helped kill 5000 people for money. And in what far flung hell hole did this succubus come from? Right here at home. Hamburg used to work as an FDA commissioner and used her power to let Johnson and Johnson sell a dangerous drug, Levaquin, which subsequent killed 5000 people. Her husband, a hedge fund manager, made untold money from advance knowledge off this. Hamburg, Johnson and Johnson and others are all named in a RICO lawsuit that presents damning evidence against them. Knowing this country, no one will even go to jail, but pay a hefty fine which you will never hear of. This bitch should die for what she did, along with her greedy husband on TV for all, to watch. Johnson and Johnson should be taken over by an elected board, and everyone there currently making these deadly decisions for money should join her on the scaffold. Why do the rich get to kill thousands and walk away and we get killed for crossing the street wrong? A reckoning is coming if this continues.

1)Republicans- It has to be terrifying to watch your once great political engine sputter and grind to a halt. No matter how this plays out, you are most likely going to lose. It's is not a given yet, but it is pretty close. Trump has defiled your party by banging his daughter on the dance floor, and Cruz just took a dump in the sink. It's over. If Trump wins, expect a landslide victory for Hillary (who is also going to win the nod, sorry Bernie fans but that ship has sailed). If Cruz gets it, it could be even worse as Trump supporters stay home in droves. An unknown third party you ask? Not likely as the civil war that would erupt afterward would decimate the party. It is time to throw in the towel because
the GOP as you know it is over. There can be no unity between Big Business and the religious right anymore. One wants gay rights, the other doesn't. There is no wiggle room there. Big Business wants to keep wages low. The Tea Party doesn't. Banks want to screw everyone. No one likes that. These separate factors will tear the party apart come August when the most contentious convention in US history happens. Get some popcorn because it is going to be a spectacle. Hillary winning is no victory for economics but will bring some much needed social justice back to the country and maybe even an end to Citizen's United. The GOP are dead in the water right now. So congratulations and a big kick in the ass to the Republicans of the US. Next year you may have a lot more choices and parties to pick from. You are indeed douchebag of the week.

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