People have often asked me if I could go back in time and change anything, what would I do? I wouldn’t kill Hitler. I wouldn’t stop the destruction of ancient Buddhist statues in Afghanistan. I would stop Andy Hildebrand from inventing the auto tune, a device so devious that it is singlehandedly destroying the musical landscape. Don’t believe me? If you can listen to Rebecca Black’s single “Friday” without ripping off both your ears, you’re a better person than me.
Now Black is just a very sweet, thirteen year old girl who though some sort of blind luck stumbled onto a money machine and shouldn’t be held responsible for the awful tastes of those listening to her or the greedy producers who see dollar signs instead of talent. But now that the auto tune has spread to mainstream acts with a frightening regularity we as a people should be standing up to the recording industry and say in one loud voice, “Enough!”
Auto tune started with Cher leading the charge with her warbled version of “Believe,” a use even the inventor didn’t see coming. It remained a novelty until 2005, when rapper T-Pain used it to get four grammy nods and a sudden rush of earplugs from irritated parents. Now everyone wants to use it. The Black Eyed Peas overuse of the device caused many a reviewer to call their latest album, “The Beginning,” unlistenable and drek. But as with any new fad, it still has to be beat into the ground by every other artist as well. Prince, Kayne West and Diddy are all releasing new albums with what will probably be auto tune over kill. Joy.
It is exactly this kind of garbage that is killing the music industry. Having worked for several major labels in the past, I can tell you that the people running the shots at these industries are some of the least forward thinking individuals you will ever meet. Back in 2003, record execs told us and others that all they were interested in was the next boy band. This was despite the fact that boy bands had decreased volumes in record sales and had been doing so for over five years. What kind of idiots want you to find something that all evidence points to not working? Besides the TSA. On a quick side note, how long before some enterprising bomber surgically implants a bomb in himself? I can see the security line now. “Step over here sir and get in our brand new super duper X-ray machine. Radiation? No it’s good for you. Just ask Ann Coulter.”
Auto tune is being used to death even in ways that you may not realize. It doesn’t have to make you sound like a constipated robot but can actually be used to correct pitch normally. This is why when you see some of your favorite acts live, it sounds like cats being strangled. I was at a concert for a local artist recently and my friend said, “She sounds kind of pitchy.” That’s because she’s singing, idiot. Nobody sings in perfect pitch constantly. Unless of course you are Rebecca Black or T-Pain.
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