DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: THE SUPREME COURT

I know, I know. You're asking "How in the hell was Donald Trump and the birthers not douchebag of the week?" While they were a semi-amusing sideshow, what the Supreme Court did was the one of the single most douchy thing I have ever seen. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Mother Nature and climate change deniers- This week Mother Nature delivered another round of whoop ass to the south, making me seriously question whether Pat Robinson was right and maybe natural disasters are God's way of saying he's pissed at you. Notice all the places countrywide were gay people have equal rights were miraculously untouched. Just saying. On the other hand, some news networks went out of their way to say this latest rash of horror has in no way been influenced by global warming. Really? We know the world is getting warmer, as seen by satellite temperature readings that are in no way influenced by ground based systems (that was for the deniers). If the world is getting warmer, and it is, we will see a greater number of destructive storms in our future. Hurricanes may become less frequent, as demonstrated by the last five years in which no hurricanes have hit US shores, but when they do form and hit they are going to be doozies, as seen by almost every storm that hit every else. Statistically, the frequency and intensity of these storms have increased dramatically, even taking into account the seemingly near permanent El Nino and La Nina that used to happen every few years but now seem to alternate every other year, not a usual occurrence. Our weather is changing. Stop telling me it isn't.

2) The Sun- In a story that has been buried for the last year, scientists have discovered a mystery particle (or neutrinos with as of yet unheard of properties)being emitted from the sun. It's effects appear to be somewhere between "That sucks," to "We're screwed." Scientists have no clue as to which it will be. At the very least, this particle appears to be affecting the decay rate of all mass on the planet. What this means is that carbon dating may be an ineffective way to gauge past dates for any object unless a formula can be found to counteract the effects of this particle. At the worst, it's interacting with all mass on the planet and speeding up the decay rate of everything. In other words, we all may be aging faster than ever. It's effects at quantum levels could be devastating to all life. Funny, how this never made the news as it was discovered last August. More on this as it becomes available.

3)Birthers- If birthers had a time machine and went back to Obama's birth, it still wouldn't be good enough. The laughable amount of time that people have put into this is just sad. Obama is an American citizen and everything you've heard about the document being a fake by "experts" is either a closet racist with an axe to grind or semi-retarded. Not one issue they have brought up so far has any merit. Hopefully, we can all get on with our lives now.

4)TSA- This week the TSA raped a former miss America, a pregnant 1st grade teacher and Rhianna. Texas has responded by trying to pass a law making it a felony to touch someones privates without good cause. When Texas has to lead the charge in common sense the rest of the country should be embarrassed. This type of legislation should be across ALL states and I won't fly until it is.

5)The Supreme Court- Speaking of raping, the Supreme Court across pure party lines gave a five to four decision outlawing Civil Lawsuits for anyone who signs away their rights for arbitration instead. Too bad that arbitration guarantees a win for the corporation who can drag out proceedings for years, not show up for hearings and have no legal recourse to force anyone to do so. In other words, sue away, you can't win. Safety in this country is going to disappear and your job may have you do perks that in no way belong at our jobs. Women better look out because if you don't blow your boss now, he may fire you and there's nothing you can do about it, especially if you've signed away your right to sue when you took that job. Sure it's extreme, but what the Supreme Court ruled doesn't just affect class actions but all lawsuits. It said in it's ruling if you sign something, it's a legal document that binds you to everything in it. So if some enterprising boss puts in a mandatory blow job clause, and you sign it, pucker up baby or quit because the law says you have to get sucking. South Park nailed it on Wednesday and the repeat is on tonight. Watch it and see that, while extreme, it is entirely accurate of what may be to come. So congratulation Supreme Court, you are douchebag of this week, next week, next year and into eternity for this douchebag extraordinaire you have foisted on us. I hope you all get AIDS.