Sunday, March 3, 2013

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: REPUBLICANS

When did the GOP become a terrorist organization? They certainly qualify as one as they have done more damage to this country than Al Qaeda, North Korea and Iran combined. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Oklahoma- If there was one state I would not want to live, Oklahoma would be in the top five. They have some of the most draconian drug laws where possession of a joint can get you five years, homosexuals are treated like second class citizens, and the education system is one of the worst in the free world. This week, the brainpowers that make up the education board passed a law allowing the teaching of creationism in class and the idea that evolution is not true. Holy cow, when did we become the laughing stock of the planet? Europe is howling about this as no one over there believes this crap, not even the ultra religious in mass numbers like here. Evolution is a fact and I can prove it, like the age of the earth or gravity. These are not debatable notions and the idea that we are still debating it shows how far we have fallen on the intelligence scale.

2)One Million Moms- This hate group should be wiped from the earth as they are one step away from acting like the Nazis they are. Anyone belonging to this group should just kill themselves already and be done with it because they crap they are pedaling is beyond laughable at this point. I have seen golden retrievers with more common sense than this bunch. This week they came down on Geico ads because they said the pig and girl out on a date promotes bestiality. Yeah the first thing I wanted to do after seeing that was go rape some poor pig and blame the ad for it. Don't we have more important things to worry about? By the way, the group is short a million moms by about 999,000 so apparently they can't count either.

3)Bob Woodward- This guy passed into Crazytown this week, with even fellow conservatives telling him to shut the fuck up. Woodward claimed the White House threatened him this week after he blamed Obama for the sequestration nonsense going on in Washington. This shot across the airwaves, especially in right wing circles. Unfortunately, when the facts came to light, it turns out, it was all a lie blown way out of proportion. The e-mail that Woodward claimed was threatening was actually a polite rebuttal of his position and not some sort of political death threat he made it out to be. When this happened, fellow journalists turned on him something fierce for making them all look really bad. This man has destroyed any reputation he had left which wasn't all that good to begin with. His last few books have been blow job reports to the right wing, including several smoke screens for the W. administration while he has done hatchet jobs to the left. Journalism means impartiality. If anyone screws up here, democrats or Republican, I hold them to it. This ass is the very definition of yellow journalism and should be bounced on his ear. Anyone still buying his books should follow the same advice I gave to members of the One Million Moms.

4)Fed-Ex- This week, seven pounds of pot found it's way to a woman's house in Plymouth. MA. She called the police who in turn told Fed-Ex not to release any information about the package to anyone inquiring about it. Instead, the dealers showed up at the woman's house looking for it after Fed-Ex told them where to go. Guess who's is getting sued now? How is this possible? This is going to cost them big time.

5)McDonalds- Proving my point that the people in positions of power, like the government and Fed-Ex, are some of the dumbest idiots on the planet comes this gem from the number one fast food joint on Earth. Turns out that in order to "compete" with Burger King and Wendy's, they were eliminating the chicken selects, a walnut salad and were debating getting rid of the Angus burgers. In other words, all the things that people like at McDonalds. Sales for the chicken selects and Angus burgers have been strong draws to such a point that the other chains have implemented them too. So items people like have been eliminated for reasons that make no sense? Who is running these places?

6)Patrick Leahy-Speaking of democrats doing stupid things, this week the Senator from Vermont tacked on a provision to a bill that would legalize prostitution for minors. That is not a typo. This was done to prevent people who were underage from going to prison for crimes they might not fully understand but opens the door for pimps everywhere to go after underage girls as they would be unprosecutable. The bill also goes on slash funding for groups whose job it is is to go after people trafficking in underage girls. This is a disastrous bill and one I hope does not pass.

7)Supreme Court- Proving their worthlessness once again, these group of losers have handed down some idiotic decisions this week. First they voted 9-0 that drug searches by dogs without suspicion or a warrant is perfectly acceptable. Nevermind the fact that dogs have a 56-72% failure rate in these circumstances, they are being used to harass people who have no drugs anywhere by overzealous cops. With private prisons expanding, this kind of nonsense could lead to many being incarcerated for planted drugs in order to fulfill prison quotas that counties need for money. This is a dangerous precedent and one that both sides agree is fine. Then came the conservative side rallying against the Civil Right Voting Act, that has proven to work . And to top it all off, they had a 5-4 vote, upholding warrantless wiretapping by the government. I hope they all get impeached.

8)Dennis Rodman- The Worm went to North Korea this week, helping legitimize a rouge state. I only wish they had kept him.

9)Republicans- When this country falls apart soon, we will have no one to blame but the GOP and, especially, the Tea Party. The sequestration is a monster of their own making as common sense things like getting corporations and the ultra-rich to pay something, anything in taxes or raising the minimum wage has been demonized as something that will end life on the planet which it won't. How do I know? Because places where that has been done has worked tremendously while Europe has been doing exactly what the Republicans want and we can see how well that has gone over. It has turned countries like Greece and Italy ungovernable and on the verge of collapse. But no, we can't tax people who pay nothing because that would be unAmerican and would rather tax the poor out of existence. They almost didn't pass the Violence Against Women act, but public outcry changed that. With the coming possibility of a government shut down, my military sources tell me they are being warned that they may not get paid after this month, their benefits will be severely curtailed and many may be laid off. Millions stand to lose their job because of GOP nonsense and, if this happens, the world economy will go down with it. The stock market will crash, unemployment will skyrocket and, if it goes on long enough, basic services like firefighting, 911, the police may grind to a halt. Anarchy will rule at that point and this is what the Tea Party seems to want. So congratulations Republicans you are indeed douchebag of the week.

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