Wednesday, November 26, 2014


10) I am thankful I do not live in Ferguson, have a business in Ferguson, or am the DA in Ferguson. That all sounds sucky. Time magazine actually had an article today that said sometimes we need riots, especially if the people are black. No you don't. And the Boston Tea Party wasn't a riot as the idiot writer went on to use in comparison, but a specific attack upon the government who they were becoming pissed at. Had Ferguson ransacked the courthouse that would have been one thing, but looting the local gas and sip is hardly a good analogy. Rioting solves nothing. Getting involved with your community is. The two are polar opposites and unless the black community realizes this and soon, nothing is ever going to get better. And that DA is such a tool. He caused all of this. This should have gone to trial in this first place like George Zimmerman, who faced very similar charges. Yes, you were going to lose if you tried to prosecute Wilson, but Justice would have been served and seen. All this secrecy, plus the verdict read while standing in a puddle of gasoline, didn't help.
9)I am thankful I have an awesome girlfriend whom I would like to marry one day. If I can ever raise enough money to do just that, it'll happen. At the rate the government is working toward that solution I think I should be married no later than 2024. Mazel Tov.

8)I am thankful to have a Japanese girlfriend and not live in Japan all the same. I love the Japanese people dearly but their country makes ours look functional. They have been in and out of recessions since the real estate collapse they suffered in 1990. Their economic solutions are a playbook from the GOP as they continue to try failed ideas that resemble trickle down economics in all its glory with the exact same predictable results. Their economy is in free fall and Abenomics is proving every bit as good as George W. Bush's. Their population is aging faster than they can keep up with and fewer people there are having children due to economic restraints that have been in place for a generation. Best off, half the country is an open air microwave oven as they still have dangerous radiation pouring from the Fukushima Nuke plant and which no one ever seems to talk about. This country is a blueprint for everything that is going to go wrong here or elsewhere on the planet. The mantra lately should be "Is Japan doing it? Then let's do something else."
7)I am thankful not to live in Africa. A collection of failed states, disease, corruption and poverty, these clowns make everyone else think," Sure am glad I don't live there," from the frozen wasteland of Siberia to the slums of Brazil to Detroit, everyone is happier not to live in Liberia. Anyone born into these societies must have been a real douchebag in some past life because a lot of that continent is hell of Earth. You have to feel bad for the few who live there who aren't corrupt, evil or stupid and they have to look around everyday and think, "I am surrounded by dorks." I feel the same way everytime I drive by a Taco Bell. Really, who is still eating that "food?"

6)I am thankful we have the best health care in the world. No? Second then? I see you shaking your head. Well thank God we are in third. Still nothing. Fifth? Tenth? It can't possibly be lower then twentieth? REALLY? Twenty fifth? Twenty Ninth? THIRTY? ARRGGHHH! Thirty fifth? Thirty Six? Thirty Seven? Thirty Seven, that's we are? WTF? We're between Slovenia and Costa Rico. But they don't have armies! Wait a minute. Could there be a correlation to the fact that we wildly overspend on military crap we do not even need and these countries instead said "Screw it?" What if we spent half on what we do on a military jobs program and gave that to health care instead? If we created price fixing so that we weren't getting the bejesus gorged out of the consumer and insurance companies? We could head into a new day of reasoning, understand and truth! NAAAAAA! (Thank you Steve Martin for that blatantly ripped off joke).

5)I am thankful I do not work for some jerk boss who micromanages every little thing and hovers over you constantly. I have had bosses like that, which sucked hard, and also appears to describe our President. Chuck Hagel is the fourth Secretary of Defense to quit under Obama, a record held since Truman. All paint Obama badly as a constant thorn in their side of getting everything done. So let me get this straight, Obama harangued the guy in charge of the Pentagon for the past six years, but couldn't be bothered to do anything with the health care web site disaster which he barely glanced at. Yeah, your priorities are perfect, Mr. President. (roll eyes and sigh here).
4)I am thankful I am not Bill Cosby, Stephen Collins or any moron picked up for kiddie porn. I don't cheat on my girl, I don't even fanaticize about underage girls or boys and most importantly, I do NOT DRUG AND RAPE WOMEN! How sad is it that the guy who played Cliff Huxtable turns out to be one of the most prolific serial rapists in American history? This ass needs to go away and anyone still going out to see this evil man is saying to everyone of his victims: "Yeah he may have slapped you with his big black cock, but he's really funny." The only thing funny about Cosby would be if each victim got to drug him and do to him what he did to them. His butthole should be the size of a manhole cover when they are done.

3)I am glad I am not a Republican. Sure the democrats had a terrible campaign and even worse candidates, but these douchebags aren't even in power and so far the House has passed a bill that would kick scientists off of science panels only to be replaced by industry lobbyists. The Keystone Pipeline is all they talk about, regardless of the fact that it has no economic benefit to the US and has no liability for the Canadian company when said spills occur. Hope you like our tax dollars going to aid foreign companies that the right constantly bitches about but are always behind it at the same time. There is going to be another commission looking into Benghazi because the 15 previous ones, costing 14 million dollars, just were not enough. They want to kill Obamacare but have no plan in place to replace it. They are actively talking about privatizing Social Security, which some like Jodi Ernst ran on and won somehow, and vouchering Medicare, which would put more costs on people who can least afford it. Yeah, these guys are awesome America.
2)I am thankful I do not have to leave the house today. Traffic yesterday broke records with the Mass Pike being backed up to Ireland. Today, we have heavy snow already falling and accumulating which of course as everyone knows, makes car travel so much more fun. Why worry just about the inattentive Mom I front of you when the 16 year old driving 90 behind you is so much more terrifying? And don't forget about the 88 year old next to you, driving on the highway because he got confused and now is stuck driving to Albany with his right blinker on, even though that would put him on the median. My buddy Darren is driving to NJ in this crap. The GWB should be the worst traffic anywhere today so I hope we likes long looks at the semis surrounding him and rusted steel because that will be his view until sometime tomorrow.
1)I am thankful to have this column and my regular readers who I hope to shine some light on dark subjects, to bring some humor to our dismal lives. If the world could learn to laugh about more things instead of immediately resorting to name calling and violence. well that would be great. It's not going to happen but I can dream. Happy Thanksgiving all. See you back here on Sunday.

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