Wednesday, November 5, 2014



Shakin' my head!!!󾌽

Sarah Palin talks about "real" America a lot. The truth of the matter is there is a real America and the map above shows where that is. There are two things we can take away from this election. One, Democrats deserved to lose as badly as they did by running terrible, Tea Partyesque candidates who refused to run on Obama's accomplishments and cemented a self fulfilling prophecy in doing so. And two, regular Americans have proven they are too stupid to vote anymore and this thing we call democracy is officially dead. Let's take a look at who won and who lost.

WINNER- Republicans- Let's face facts: Republicans hands down ran a better campaign and even candidates than the democrats did. They effectively nullified the "war on women" argument by staying away from abortion and birth control topics (and most diverse topics in general), they tied every candidate to Obama who is unpopular across the board, and they let most opponents shoot themselves in the foot instead of vice versa. You have to give it up for the right who stayed away from unelectable candidates this time around, ran against Obama and won handily as a result.

LOSER-Democrats- These ass-clowns deserved to lose in 90% of the states they lost in. They ran terrible, almost non-sensical ads, went after voters that were NEVER going to vote for them, failed to ever move beyond local politics by tying Republicans to national figures like Mitch McConnell, John Boehner or the government shutdown and ran candidates that were borderline retarded in every sense of the word. They got shellacked and rightfully so. Jon Stewart said it best when he said the democrats strategy for winning was lying in the fetal position and trying not to get kicked in the face.
LOSER- Allyson Grimes- Without a doubt one of the worst candidates for Senator this time around. Her dodgy nature in admitting she even voted for Obama made her look shady and evasive and probably lost her the election more than anything else. Even worse, she was given multiple times to fix the mess she created and instead, doubled down on her idiocy by still refusing to answer. Mitch McConnell was vulnerable and this is what the Democrats came up with. Ugh.

WINNER-Mike Grimm- Speaking of awful candidates, Mike Grimm beat his democrat opponent by double digits, even though he is facing 20 counts of corruption, bribery and other felonies and once threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony, on camera nonetheless. His opponent however, whose name isn't even worth looking up, was a joke of a person who supported the TPP, even though no one likes it, and then showed he didn't even know what it was when he was asked about it. Where in the hell did they dig this loser up?

LOSER- Minimum wage opponents- Wage increases passed in every single state it was up for grabs, no matter how red. This should be a wake up call for the right to get on board and stat because who ever decides to run on this in 2016, may very well win because of it.

WINNER- Pot Legalization- Another three for three for legalizing pot, with Alaska and Oregon joining the pot business bandwagon, and DC legalizing it, but not for purchases like the other two. This is a huge step forward to ending the idiotic war on drugs that doesn't work, hasn't worked and will never work.

LOSER-Florida- People in Florida should vote for what city they want Dumbfuckistan to be their national Capital because no other state was this stupid. They narrowly missed passing a medical marijuana bill by three percent because of some stupid constitutional amendment they made. What moron is against pot for sick people which NO legitimate study says is harmful? I guess people in Florida can't read or something. Then, they re-elect Uncle Fester who has been a disaster of a governor over the slightly less repulsive Charlie Christ. Hope you like your state underwater because climate change is real and you guys are going to be ground zero.
WINNER-Seth Moulton- Most of you have no idea who Moulton is, but he is an Army veteran who just won his first seat in the House here in MA over a "moderate" gay Republican, which is just weird to say. He was also in the only person in the country that I saw run ads tying his opponent, Richard Tisei, to things like the government shutdown and unpopular Republican policies and people. He won by double digits in a decidedly blue state, but one which also just voted for a Republican Governor.

LOSER- Martha Coakley- Everyone I talked to today said they did not vote in Tuesday's election here in MA. To be fair, I only voted because of the ballot questions. There was no one running against my representative, Jim McGovern, whom I love by the way, and for the Senate Ed Markey might as well as been running against a ghost. As for the governor's race, I didn't like either candidate. They didn't seem that different and Coakley, who also lost versus Scott Brown, another loser yesterday and one of the few Republicans who didn't get a swing seat, is just plain unlikable. I thought we made that clear when she ran for the Senate. It didn't help she was against casinos, which unions wanted, causing her campaign to suffer from money and was outspent 10 to 1 as a result. Can this woman please go away now.

WINNER- Money- Money bought this election and unless we fix it, which we won't, our democracy is lost because too many people out there are too stupid to know better. More money poured into this election from all sides, and the right won, simply because their ads were better. They certainly didn't have better ideas, because they didn't run on a single thing other than "Obama bad, GOP good." Let's see how they run things now that they are in charge.

LOSER-Harry Reid- I hate Harry Reid. If the GOP had run candidates like they did this time around, instead of morons like Sharon Angle, he wouldn't have been in office. He is everything I hate about democrats who come off as right wing-lite. One of the reason no bills have been passed in because Reid refused to bring them up for a vote. Yes, you may lose but at least voters can see where you stand on the issues. By not doing that, he painted Democrats into a deep corner and they lost big time because of it.

WINNER-NRA- The NRA sponsored candidates beat the snot out of their opponents in almost every state, except CT where anti gun nut Dannel Malloy looks to beat Tom Foley for a second time. It may be the one reason why some terrible governors won over their opponents who unwisely went after anti-gun sentiment. This is why Al Gore lost in 2000. He refused to run on Clinton's accomplishments and ran on a serious anti-gun platform. It didn't help that he picked Droopy as his VP. People like their guns and there are not enough lefties to overcome that. Pick a new topic and declare this idea dead and buried. It is losing you election after election.

LOSER-Kansas- Hot on Florida's heels comes this state that somehow, someway voted for Sam Brownback who has done more damage to Kansas than the recession, the Dust Bowl from the 30's, and the tornado from the Wizard of Oz combined. The state is falling apart, roads are not getting paved, schools are falling apart and he is to blame for his proven wrong financial polices of trickle down economics. Yet, the morons who voted for him ignored all of that. Way to go Kansas, if you voted for Brownback, you literally voted to kill yourself. You better start digging that grave because a reckoning is coming and 90% of you are going to pay the ultimate price when some school or some bridge collapses.
The GOP's Sharp Teeth, an OtherWords cartoon by Khalil Bendib
WINNER-Negative ads- Hickenlooper of Colorado ran no negative ads for his campaign for governor. Guess who lost? Negative ads may suck but they work according to every study and now this. Bashing your opponent is a tradition that goes back to its founding. Why break with something that has proven to work?

LOSER-Obama- Had Obama been a better President, we wouldn't be looking at the red tide that happened this week. Had he run on left wing polices rather than center right, he might have had a chance at keeping the Senate. Had the democrats embraced things like hiking the minimum wage, pot legalization, tuition reform, a jobs programs or anything people have shown they care about, they wouldn't have lost so bad. But our President has continued the failed policies of Bush and with lackluster results. It also shows who is really is charge and it is not the public but the rich.

WINNER- Rich people- They run the show and they have proven it. Let us all give thanks to our new overlords.
LOSER- America- We are so screwed now. With Republicans in control, things are unlikely to get better for most of us. Apparently, most voters are suffering from advanced Alzheimer's as they fail to remember that a year ago they shut down the government for an idiotic reason, and the last time they had control of everything, they broke the country. Expect things like the passage of the TPP, which will alter this nation, and the world forever, and give sovereign power to corporations, which is what the right has been after since the 30's. Obama has been stumping for this so do not expect a veto. Same for the guest workers program which will further erode high paying jobs and thrust this country into an informal third world nation. The worst would be the addition of a "chained" CPI which would make poverty even worse for this disabled and elderly. And a lot of you voted for this. This country needs an enema because the average American is going to get fucked up the ass now. Thanks right wingers, you may have doomed us all.

1 comment:

  1. Great article, and one of the funniest you have ever written, in a sad kinda way. But you had me laughing out loud, its better than crying. I'm in FL, and yes, voters here are beyond stupid. All very funny though too true.