This is my last douchebag column for 2014, so next week will be my douchebag of the year one. I thought of many to make that distinction such as Bill Cosby, the CIA, cops, and of course, either the democrats or Republicans. But this week, Sony Pictures has acted with such disregard for common sense, American values and bravery, that they are almost certain to be next weeks winner. Let's see those runner ups.
8)Michelle Obama/Whoopie Goldberg- Can we please have a moratorium on rich and famous black people playing the race card? Goldberg stepped in it this week when she claimed only black people can really understand racism when Rosie O'Donnell correctly chimed in with the fact that as a lesbian, she gets a lot more racism than her. Trust me, it's a lot better to be black than gay in many states where no legal protections are in order for the LBGT crowd. And then, Mrs. Obama claimed racism when she was shopping for a photo op in Target and some short woman asked for help getting something off a tall shelf, which she instantly equated with racism. Somehow asking for help to a black person is now racist. She didn't ask the first lady for help with a price or to get something from the back room, which would suggest she thought she worked there, but help getting something off a shelf she couldn't reach. I've been asked that many times while shopping and I never thought people thought I worked there. You're black. Deal with it better than this.
7)Muslim Extremists- If North Korea didn't have a shit fit this past week, Muslim extremists would have gotten much more airplay. In Australia, some Iranian douchebag took a bunch of people hostage who just wanted a piece of chocolate and in the end died along with two hostages. Much worse, was the fucking Taliban in Pakistan who killed 140 people, mostly women and children. This has made them very unpopular all of a sudden and the government attacked them in droves. Classic overreach where if you go to far, sympathizers become your enemy.
5)Cops- This week, two NYPD cops died in an ambush while sitting in a car. And while I do NOT condone such an action, I do understand it. Protests have done nothing to stop an out of control police force who are killing our pets, our children, our parents and ourselves with alarming regularity. The last straw was the grand jury that inexplicably failed to charge the cop with the death of Eric Gardner. To quote JFK again, "When peaceful protest becomes impossible, violent revolution becomes inevitable." This will happen more and more if cops keep acting like dangerous thugs. We need a serious conversation about how to keep everyone safe, police included, but as no one is listening, more cops will be shot and as there are 300 million guns in this country, no matter the hardware they have, they are very vulnerable to guerilla style attacks as this one was. Wise up guys because a reckoning is coming if you don't change your ways and there is nothing that can be done to stop it if you don't.
4)Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio- These two brainpowers bitched and moaned about the ending of the embargo of Cuba saying such ridiculous things as "Cuba condones torture," and "Cuba does lots of human rights violations," which conveniently forgets that the US was just found guilty of doing the exact same thing in a study released just last week. The CIA and the Republicans engaged in war crimes, the exact same things that people were put to death for during the Nuremberg Trials, but Cuba is the bad guy here. Man some people are stupid.
2)Movie Theaters- The cowards started the ball rolling when shop owners and theaters started to whine about the Interview and decided to pull the movie from wide release, panicking Sony. Nevermind the fact that North Korea has been threatening us since 1952, because we are still technically at war with them. Had we attacked them in 1994 before they got nukes we would have been much better off, but once again Jimmy Carter had to get involved and had us sign a truce they would break almost immediately. I hate Carter when it comes to foreign politics which he really, really sucks at. But theaters and shop owners are pussies who don't seem to realize that these guys talk big but never go through with anything simply because they don't have the ability to do 99% of what they threaten. Even if one theater got attacked, it would have been an act of war that would have resulted in the genocide of North Korea. Way to wear some pink panties guys. What a bunch of babies.