1)Ryan Lochte- This man may be an excellent athlete, but he seems to have the IQ of a gravy ladle and the charisma of a burn victim. His terrible and inexplicable reality show on E!, What Would Ryan Lochte do, was mercifully killed this week, leaving the door open for something even worse as only E! and TLC seem capable of. I'm thinking for a reality show about actual hookers on the street or a real life Breaking Bad where we follow the exploits of real meth heads. We are rapidly approaching that kind of TV. Sad.
2)Anthony Weiner- Who would have thought that even after the election there would be something further for everyone's favorite flasher. Weiner was spotted at Union City playground with his young son. Another child had an accident on a swing and as the father was going to get something to clean it up, Weiner approached the same swing and started screaming at the father things like "Thanks for leaving this thing soaking wet!" The other dad, not missing a beat, said "It's funny that you're the one talking to me about self control." KAPOW! Burn.
3)OJ Simpson- Yet another person that has me jumping up and down in glee that he has re-entered the news once again. This time, the Brentwood Butcher was caught stealing cookies from the dining area. Prison officials are denying that it ever happened, but the National Enquirer is standing by their story. Either way, I like looking at pictures of much greyer, fatter OJ, serving the time he deserved to get the first time.
4)The 2013 Emmy's- From it's unfunny beginning having NPH binge watching the entire season of TV (and if one looked closely, CBS shows were heavily promoted over other networks in the montages shown), to some questionable wins, to its utter maudlin tone by reminding us every other commercial break about some great performer who died this past year. Ugh. Note to producers: Make next year's funny. Please, I can't take another three and a half hour wake.
5)Barillo Pasta- Proving my point that just because you a smart enough to get to run a company, doesn't mean you're any good at it. Guido Barillo proved that this week when he stupidly said while he has no problem with gay marriage, he draws the lines at them with children and will never have them in their ads. He might as well have said he'll never use black people in his ads since he disagrees with the 13th amendment. Outcry has been brutal, with competitors like Bertolli saying that they welcome all gay people to use their pasta and calls for a boycott from the LBGT community. I won't be buying it anymore either. Did he forget how bad Chick-Fil-A did after their CEO stuck both feet in his mouth with an anti-gay statement? I don't care how bad you hate someone, keep your mouth shut if you want to stay in business. Barillo has a lot of damage control and for starters, get rid of Guido. He's killing you.
6)Muslim Extremists- These guys are trying to die at this point. Kenya is ready to wipe them from the face of the Earth for the Mall attack and another on several police. Egypt outlawed the Muslim Brotherhood, meaning they went from control of the country to fugitives on just a few months. That's is a BIG fall. If Muslims want peace, prove it. Blowing stuff up is going to get a lot of you dead.
7)Republicans- For anyone with a brain in their head I can't make this any clearer: THE GOP IS A CANCER AND YOU ARE HELPING IT SPREAD! My God people, can no one see that the right's only solution is to take massive amounts of money from the poor and middle class and giving it to rich people. They have all but guaranteed a shut down of government services this week by having the House add in the new bill a wish list of GOP fantasies such as building the Keystone Pipeline, tax breaks for huge corporations, and making things like contraception and abortion optional for any business owner nationwide in their insurance plans. No jobs plan. No environmental plan, which many still say does not exist No concept how to fix anything but to continue on as business as usual. The House is going to drive this country off the cliff and are no better at this point than the terrorists we are told we should fear more than these idiots. It's going to cost us a hundred million a day for every day the shutdown happens. It's going to affect the stock market. It's going to affect your 401K. Our economy is a lot more fragile than anyone knows and this latest brand of moronic behavior just might be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I don't think they understand how dangerous this is. If the rule of law breaks down, these assholes will be target #1.
8)Ted Cruz- Possibly the dumbest person in the entire government, and he is the darling right now of the Tea Party, proving that their combined intellect couldn't power a light bulb. Cruz gave the single, stupidest speech I have ever witnessed. It wasn't a real filibuster as he had no power to stop Reid from reconvening the Senate, which is exactly what he did. Cruz spoke for 21 hours straight, only to be booted by the main act. He went off on Obamacare, as if the devil himself wrote it. He talked about his vacations. He read from Green Eggs and Ham, which as John Stewart said, is a book about someone who refuses to try something new because it looks icky, but once eaten, likes it. Sound familiar, Republicans? The irony in that is rich. This dick is the front runner right now for, but as we have seen so many times in the past, that means nothing at this stage of the race. Chances are, he'll fail bad on a national stage. He certainly didn't do himself any favors here. Yes he riled up the base, but the rest of us, a vast majority of us, thought he looked like a petulant child who needs a spanking. So congratulation Ted Cruz you are indeed douchebag of the week.
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