BEST AND WORST OF FALL TV 2013

Before I rip apart or praise some of the networks new shows, I would like to comment on a trend in television that makes me want to throw my set out the window. I recently watched the finale of two genre/serial shows and was horrified how they both ended. Siberia was a fascinating show that had one of the single worst endings in the history of television. Nothing was explained or even wrapped up. If you thought the end of Lost sucked, you'd have a coronary with this one. There is still some debate whether a 12th episode exists, as IMBD suggests, but would explain a lot as to why the show just seemed to end with no conclusion. Likewise with the end of Under the Dome, whose ending was almost as bad. The only saving grace was at least that show is definitely coming back so at least I'll get some closure on it.

Writers have to understand that if you have cliff hanger of an ending, first, make sure you're going to be picked up for the next season. I can't tell you how many shows I've watched over the years, where the last episode is some unresolved cliffhanger that we'll never know how it actually ends. Way to screw over your viewer. Second, if you have a cliffhanger, it CANNOT be connected with the main story line over the past x number of episodes. Here's an example. A show like NCIS may have the team hunting a serial killer over the season. The last episode will have the killer caught and wrap up that storyline. Then, perhaps Ziva is kidnapped in the final frame by some unknown person and we have to tune in next season to find out how that is resolved. An ending is not some lame cut off where it almost appears as if your DVR cut off the last few minutes. Learn to write douchebags because I've had it with this kind of crap. NBC is losing me a viewer quick with them constantly doing this with almost all of their serialized shows, save Revolution. STOP IT!

Now let's see what fizzled and what popped for this upcoming fall season filled with a lot of yawn inducing plots.

BEST OF TV 2013

5)Dads- That's right. For all the hoopla over how bad this sitcom was it was light years ahead of almost everyone other new sitcom arriving which all seem to be pale shades of Modern Family. Nine sitcoms, NINE, are about, parents moving in with their kids or similarly themed family sitcoms. Most of them can be described in two words: shrill and unfunny. Now is Dads the best sitcom ever? Not even close. But the pilot was amusing, even though it definitely needs work and has some very funny people in it like Seth Green and Martin Mull. Compared to the awful We Are Men, this sitcom is Shakespeare. If you like Seth McFarlane check it out.

4)Brooklyn Nine Nine- One of only three new sitcoms not about family, this Barney Miller-esque comedy about funny cops was easily the best new one of the bunch. Andy Sandberg is great in the role of wiseass cop and the surrounding cast of Andre Braugher, the new gay police chief, and Melissa Fumero as Sandberg's uptight partner, really make the whole thing fly. Unfortunately, both Dads and this are going to be against powerhouse NCIS and guaranteed hit, SHIELD, so neither may be long for this world.

3)The Blacklist- James Spader returns to TV for this interesting plot of a wanted terrorist (Spader showing charisma in spades) turning himself into the FBI to help them catch bad guys but only by working with an inexperienced FBI agent for reasons only knows to him. The fact it's on NBC makes me nervous as these guys are worse than Fox at axing shows well before they should. The pilot is riveting and laws the groundwork for an exciting show. I hope it lasts.

2)Sleepy Hollow- The only reason this isn't number one is because ABC has the best show of the year. But this is a close second with an exciting premise that combines, Rip Van Winkle, the Headless Horseman, witch covens and the Book of Revelations. Now that's a story. Ichabod Crane wakes up 250 years in the future only to find the Headless Horseman is back and searching for his head which, if he finds, will end the world. He is partnered up with a young deputy who has had run ins with demons in her past and acts as his guide in this new, unfamiliar world. The fish out of water story is really well done, with the scene of Crane in his first car ride hysterically funny. A must see.

1)Agents of SHIELD- This show may actually hurt NCIS as the expectations are skyhigh. With Joss Wheden at the helm, this show is going to be gangbusters. I know this because nothing Whedon has ever done has sucked. That's talent. Add in the mysterious re-appearance of once dead Agent Coulson and an expansion of the Marvel universe we all know and love and this is a surefire hit. I cannot wait to see it.

WORST OF 2013.

Pretty much everything not mentioned above either is terrible or looks it. Almost every new sitcom looks dreadful and the new dramas seem to have been dreamed up by a someone who had way to much to drink. "You know what would be a good idea, HIC, let's bring back Robin Williams." Christ.

5)Master Chief Junior- I am a huge Gordon Ramsey fan. I literally have watched every show here or in the UK over the past decade. But I am breaking that streak with the ill conceived idea that what viewers really want is a kinder, gentler Ramsey instructing nine years old how to cook. I HATE kids on reality shows as I feel it is exceptionally cruel as they do not have the maturity to handle that kind of stress and it feels exploitive to watch. Everytime on AGT when some six year old struts on stage I fast forward. This show seems crass and disturbing. I will not be watching.

4)Reign- Leave it to the CW to come up with a historical drama about Mary Queen of Scots and turn it into some sort of weird episode of 90210. Hokey, preposterous and stupid are just three of the words I would use to describe this epic misfire. Both women and men talk in dubiously modern speak and handle situations in ways that would never have happened in that time period. However, as it is placed in a really weak time slot of Thursday at nine, this may actually succeed. God I hope not.

3)Ironside- The remake no one was asking for. Blair Underwood returns as the wheelchair bound cop who is such a dick I hope someone shoots him again and takes him out for good this time. Raymond Burr was much better than this drivel and this seems certain to be one of the first shows cancelled out of the gate as I don't see much in the way of ratings on this epic fail. Must miss.

2)Sean Saves The World- I was a huge fan of Will and Grace, a hysterical sitcom about gay men and the straight women in their lives. This is NOT that sitcom. Painfully unfunny, the show lurches from terrible sight gang to pratfalls to really bad double entandres that would make a five year old angry. Once again Sean Hayes is gay, this time with a daughter and an ex-wife. Would it kill you to play a straight guy for once Sean? That's why it's called acting. Neil Patrick Harris isn't doing every gay sitcom on the planet and it's working gangbusters for him. Easily the lousiest of the family oriented sitcoms.

1)Lucky 7- I don't even know where to start with this one. Seven people win the lottery and their lives change. I've seen this before in the failed Luke Perry show Windfall back in 2006. This isn't any better. Based on the BBC show The Syndicate, as usual they deviated wildly from the source material where new winners were shown every season, by sticking with a cast of bland unknowns. Considering it is up against Person Of Interest and Chicago Fire, I predict this show won't see episode seven. Considering how flat and boring it looks, that shouldn't be a surprise.