Monday, January 23, 2017


There were some fantastic films this year, more than the last few. However, that didn't stop Hollywood from subjecting to us as well to some of the worst pictures I have seen in some time. There were so many, they will have to be grouped into classes just to show you how bad some of these choices were. 2017 has barely started and they already had one weekend that saw four films die a painful death akin to October 2015 when two films competed for lowest total release for a big film. Stop making bad movies. It's costing you guys a fortune.
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10)Remakes- I HATE remakes. 90% of the time they pale in comparison. While Ghostbusters wasn't bad enough to be on this list, it certainly wasn't anywhere near as good as the original and this one had comedy powerhouse Leslie Jones, who was still funny amidst a weak script. All that woman has to do is smile and I laugh. However, others were far worse. Tarzan died a painful death as that storyline is far difficult to do correctly anymore. Ben Hur proved that just because something was made decades ago, new technology isn't always the better idea. This film was chock full of bad CGI and editing so choppy I'd swear the guy from the new Apprentice was doing it. Plus, next time hire an actual star for the film and not some guy no one had ever heard of. Blair Witch which was as much a remake as a sequel and sucked either way. The film was basically a shot for shot remake of the original with slightly better production values. However, the actual footage at times appears to have been shot by a guy with Parkinson's while standing on a slippery rock. The worst of the bunch was the Afrocentric When the Bough Breaks, which was yet another variation on the crazy babysitter theme done years ago as The Hand That Rocks The Cradle and every other movie on Lifetime since. Why was this film even made?

9)Sequels- These aren't nearly as bad as remakes but can be and were this year. Matt Damon once said that his next Jason Bourne movie should be called the Bourne Redundancy. He wasn't wrong as this movie was pointless and surprisingly dull. Bridget Jones' Baby did even worse as nobody asked for either of these movies to get made. Independence Day tanked even though that film wasn't as bad as many have said. It also wasn't that great either. God is Dead 2 made God wish he had died after sitting through this train wreck. My Big Fat Wedding 2 should be headed for a divorce. The worst remake by and far was the disastrous Divergent sequel: Allegiant that did so poorly the last film may go to TV instead. The first film was so poor I stopped watching them. Apparently they didn't get any better.

8)Adam Sandler Movies- He had two that came out this year in Netflix, The Ridiculous 6 was one of the most laugh free movies I have seen in some time. His follow up, The Do-Over, was every bit as bad. I used to like his movies and now I struggle to get through the opening credits. Please do better, because between this and last year's Pixels, I am running out of patience.

7)Films that should have been better and weren't- Two directors of real talent came up with movies this year that sucked, I don't know what happened to either of them but their upcoming projects don't fill me with hope either. The first was Gods of Egypt, a CGI nightmare directed by Alex Proyas who was once a terrific new director having done The Crow and Dark City, only to put out mindless crap for the past 17 years. Pick better projects. Even more surprising is the fall of greatest director ever Stephen Speilberg who latest misfire, The BFG, tanked hard. I know kids who went to see this and were BORED silly by it as well as the parents. His next movie Ready Player One better be awesome. I am not optimistic.

6)Cell- I LOVE Stephen King and this book I absolutely loved, especially the beginning where chaos engulfs the Boston Commons. Add in Sam Jackson and John Cusack and what could go wrong? Everything as this film demonstrated with lackluster dialogue, directing, and effects. Read the book for a better time or even burn it and watch it turn to ash which will be far more entertaining than this piece of garbage.

5)The Boss- I am a huge fan of Melissa McCarthy. This year however was not her best. Ghostbusters was okay and proved something I have noticed. If Paul Fieg isn't involved, she isn't that funny. Especially when her and husband write it, which is always a disaster. Tammy sucked and this one is somehow worse. A thoroughly unlikable woman is reduced to poverty and we are supposed to feel bad for her? Please. Even worse, the slapstick was stupid. Miss this one by all means.

4)Angry Birds- This CGI film was so unfunny I stopped watching half way through. When I talked to my neice and nephew about this film, they did they same thing. That is a bad movie when even children go YUCK! The talent involved was so high I expected better. Between this and Norm of the North, kids films fell hard this year.

3)Collateral Beauty- I thought the plot looked stupid from the moment I saw the previews. Then I read reviews for the film, found out that what I thought the film was about was wrong and realized what it was actually about was in reality so much worse. Instead of this being about a guy dealing with the loss of a child and actually conversing with entities like Death and Love, it turns out they are actually actors hired by his coworkers to help him get over things and get back to work. Yeah, that's heartwarming. What led this film to have several Oscar winners and Will Smith agree to this flop?

2)Suicide Squad- This movie should be subtitled Will Smith's career because he may have wisely passed on the IPD sequel but did the one above and this waste of film instead. A terrible superhero film in a year of great ones, just none in the DC universe. Slipknot is barely even noticed before he dies, the special effects are barely that and the script is a mess. Only Margo Robbie who steals every scene she is in as Harley Quinn are any good and Smith is particular bad in it. It isn't helped that crappy actors like Joel Kinnaman and Jai Courtney are in it or that the most recent incarnation of the Joker was completely superfluous to the movie and not as well done as previous actors. Batman sucked even if Ben Affleck wasn't responsible for that. Batman doesn't kill nor does he roll across ceilings. A total waste of time.

1)Batman V Superman- No film was worse than this giant misfire. The plot was terrible, the fight scenes loud and obnoxious and some of the performances weak at best. I am still not sold on Amy Adams as Lois Lane and somehow, someway, Jesse Eisenberg was the worst Lex Luthor of all times. When you beat Kevin Spacey for that title that's saying something because that Superman movie was terrible too. The movie made no sense, nor did Luthor's plan to do something bad, what exactly it was I don't remember and don't care. Giant plot holes riddled the film like one scene where Lois is going to retrieve a weapon she hid away with no explanation as to why she knew the weapon was needed. Is Lois psychic now? This film was such a waste. Why does Marvel nail every film they do, even letting sub studios do better, thus the rise of Deadpool, while DC flounders with bad movie after bad movie? Miss this turd and go see Dr Strange instead.

This year will hopefully have the same level of good films as last year and less bad ones because last year was chock full of ass.

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