Until Trump went all Twitter insane yesterday, Jeff Sessions was going to be the top spot. But once again Donald couldn't accept not being a winner in losing even if this column is the exact opposite of that. No matter how this plays out, chances are 99% that they go bad for Trump. Either there are no wiretaps and he is a liar or there are wiretaps gotten by a federal judge that suggest wrongdoing on Trump's part. There is a minuscule, less than 1% chance, that Obama did illegally wiretap Trump but that flies in the face of reason. If he did wiretap Trump, why didn't he use any of that against him in the election? That makes no sense. So no matter how the right wingers want to spin this, this is really bad for Trump and could lead to his impeachment. That will present a whole other set of problems. Let's see those runner ups where a lot of douchebags reared their ugly heads.
10)Paul Babeu- If you are gay, black, Hispanic, Muslim or a woman and support the Republican party you are a giant retard. Who votes to put someone in office that will turn around and bite them in the ass two seconds later? This moron, a gay Republican, former Arizona sheriff and loser twice for for Congress, is up for the top spot at border patrol. This wouldn't be so bad if this douchebag also wasn't being looked at for RICO crimes as well, alleging theft of seized funds. He was also discovered to have had an affair with an illegal alien for years, threatening to deport him if he didn't do what Babeu asked. But wait, there's more. He was also thought to have molested kids when he was headmaster of a school here in MA, an allegation brought about by his own sister. What a winner. He'll fit right in with Trump's basket of deplorables.
9)Henagar Drive-in- This Alabama drive in still thinks it's the 1950's apparently and recently vowed not to show the new film Beauty and the Beast because Josh Gad's character is gay. Ooohhhh, stop the presses. Are you going to stop showing films with interracial couples as well? This ass needs a group of super gay individuals to start showing up at all the films there and make it a new gay hangout. That would be hysterical. Fans of Ru Paul are encouraged to attend this weekend decked out to the nines.
8)TSA- It's like they are trying to get people to hate them more. This week it came out there they will be getting even more up and personal in people's business after it came out they suck at their jobs bad and let weapons through a majority of the time. The reason for this isn't because they are idiots but badly trained. No security apparatus anywhere sees this as a good idea for one basic reason: it doesn't work. Profiling is the only way to keep us safe and that does mean racial targeting, although in the case of Mohammad Ali's son, I think that's going too far. But if we stop treating old women and nine year old's as suspects, you might be able to stop some from getting weapons through security and without groping my junk in the process.
7)Zoos in Tunsia and El Salvador- Fucking assholes in these backassward countries killed two zoo animals this week just for fun. Hysterical. Tunsia saw the death by stoning of a crocodile while El Salvador butchered a hippo for no reason. My response to this is simple: maybe we should nuke countries like this and be done with them. If their people are this vicious, they don't deserve to live. I hope everyone who had anything to do with this heinous crime dies a horrible death and goes to hell. Considering where they live, that might be an improvement.
6)Steve Beshear- What moron rolled this corpse out to give the Democratic rebuttal? First off, the crypt keeper was sitting in a diner lit by a twelve watt bulb while dead people watched on from the background, never moving or even blinking it appeared. He couldn't even get out his first line without flubbing it, calling himself a democrat, then a Republican, then a democrat then "mostly" American, whatever the hell that means. Everything after that wasn't any better. The Democrats need younger voters that are gradually leaving the party and their response is to pick an unknown fossil from KY to lead the charge. You guys are just sad at this point.
5)Democrats- For the love of God, stop telling people you never had contact with the Russians because it's clear you have. And while there is nothing wrong with this, as it's part of your job, you're making Sessions' case for him. The problem isn't meeting with Russians. It's lying under oath about it. THAT'S the issue. Both parties seem to think there is no way to check facts from the past, when in reality, any arm chair idiot can do just that. STOP LYING!
4)Paul Ryan- This guy is getting it from all sides. He is still a Trump defender, a fact that Mitch McConnell is loving because when Trump goes down, and all signs point to that, Ryan is going to go right down with him. Republicans better be careful because is it does come out that Trump had dealings with the Russians, his supporters are going down with him. All those morons on the right how denied a Congressional request for Trump's taxes and going to eat crow if his bad dealing go public. Right now, if I were a Republican, I would very worried about 2018. Ryan is making everyone mad at him on both sides with his middle of the road approach with some issues and his clear defense of Trump pissing off others.
3)The MSM- Man you guys SUCKKKKKK! I worked in the news business for years and I have to say never have I been more ashamed of it. I am going to start telling people I worked in porn or shot puppies because being a former reporter seems shameful. Trump gave one pitiful speech and assholes like Van Jones are suddenly calling him "presidential." BARFFFFFFFFF! Fuckwad could read off a teleprompter for a whole hour without going full Nazi and that is where the bar is set? Fuck off. This ass is dangerous, he has attacked your integrity time and time again and yet you constantly fall for this ruse. Just like the 52 other times this happened. Orange Hitler subdued it down for a day, and then, not long after went ballistic and insane again. START DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!
2)Jeff Sessions and the Republicans- Not 24 hours after Trump's speech, word came out that Sessions met with the Russian ambassador twice and lied about it twice to Congress. Now while his meeting with said ambassador are a little odd, especially the one at the RNC which contrary to what Sessions has said, was NOT during his duties as Senator and actually while he was on his own time, this isn't the issue. But that aside, amidst the flurry of evidence that democrats have met with the same ambassador, none lied under oath about it. And why lie at all if it was above board? It's not the meeting but the cover up that is troubling. And why is Russia meeting with so many of Trump's people, six and counting so far? Sessions could be in real trouble here and lead to another lost cabinet member in as many weeks. The GOP is in damage control but none of what they have to say seem real or accurate.
1)Trump- Well, he had about 24 hours of positive attention before Jeff Sessions rolled into town and Trump went on an ill advised Twitter rant that may speed up the end of his presidency. His tweeting of Pelosi and Schumer meeting Russians was at least in the right ballpark even if the context was wrong. But that all changed when he went after Obama for illegally wire tapping him before the election, showing zero proof of said allegations. This is was the stupidest thing he has done so far. Either he is going to be shown as a lunatic who will say or do anything to get attention or he has self incriminated himself as actually working with the Russians. There is no good way out of this, short of evidence that Obama did illegally bug him which is so outlandish it's not even worth contemplating. There is simply no way this could have occurred and still have Trump won. Had he lost, he might have had a better chance at that argument but no one taps a phone and then uses none of the information to their advantage. Trump critics have jumped all over him, knowing if this claim goes belly up, he has damaged his presidency, perhaps fatally. Republicans are starting to ask for his taxes and should that come up again, he might be forced to show them. I have a feeling once that happens, he's toast. And he did all of this to himself. HAHAHA! So congratulations Trump, you are indeed douchebag of the week once again.