Remember way back when when you didn't wake up every day and wonder what fresh horror has taken place while you were away from your computer or TV? Remember when we had an inefficient black guy as president that wasn't idiocy personified? Remember when you didn't have to worry whether the Republican party was going to kill you or not? Those were the days. Recent signs point to the end of it all and soon. Pick a problem and it is rearing it's ugly head. War? So on the horizon on multiple fronts like North Korea and Iran. Economic disaster? Our chaos president is shaking world markets until they break. Race relations? Probably at their lowest since the 1960's. The world has been set to broil and I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN! Go back and see what I predicted would happen if Trump won which was we wouldn't last long as Republican idiocy is on full display right now. They are literally trying to kill us and some of you are just fine with it. Stupidity knows no bounds. Let's see those runner ups for a world rapidly coming unglued.
10)Dan Coats/Mike Rogers/Andrew McCabe- These three idiots committed a crime this week and no one said boo about it. Each one refused to answer questions UNDER OATH with no legal basis for their refusal other than they didn't feel like it. Try that in court yourself and see how fast you go to jail. Each one of these assholes should be in jail for Contempt of Congress and instead all we get are blank stares. Unfortunately for them, a lot of Senators are pissed about this, even some Republicans, and will most likely be forced to testify. They should be doing it from behind bars.
9)Evergreen College- If my kid went to this uber-liberal shit palace, I would not only drag them out, I would probably burn the place down on my way home. Because of racist douchebags who can't understand that kicking white people off of campus for a day IS racist, the campus shut down for four days as a race war simmered. White supremacists warned they were coming to kick their mostly white asses (as at least half the people protesting where NOT black for some reason) and they in turn started carrying around baseball bats and attacking anyone who even looked Republican. I'd get my ass kicked as I hardly look like a hippie anymore. Even worse was the college decided to acquiesce to some of their idiotic demands like paying for a gumbo potluck, hiring more minorities and declaring a lack of support for white supremacy, as if that is what is running rampant through white society right now, unlike the furious racism in all black communities. They thankfully didn't balk at firing the police chief, the professor who rightfully called this racist or eliminating guns from police. The entire school is quite the joke as they have no grades, no majors or even classes in the way we know them. In other words, this fucked up school is the lefty version of Liberty College. Here's a novel idea, about we teach our students facts and leave the politics at home?
8)The economy- All signs point to a coming recession in the next few months, accelerated by Captain Tangerine Squirt whose chaos presidency is ruining the planet. Charts show dangerous levels of drop off in auto sales, home loans and credit card debt, which has accelerated again as inflation is wiping out the limited gains we have gotten these last eight years. Republicans just voted to get rid of Dodd/Frank which, regardless of what you feel about it, helped not create a banking fiasco like the one they want to go back to. Student loans delinquencies continue to rise which isn't good as hedge funds contract, causing ripple effects in the stock market, which is whiplashing fierce. If the FED raises rates this month, as they are expected to do, the whole house of cards could come crashing down. And unlike last time, the government has no bullets in their gun and the guy with it is pointing it at his own head. We are so screwed. If you have money in stocks, watch carefully because another crash is way overdue. They usually happen every four to seven years and we are on year eight. Be warned.
7)John McCain- I have heard rumors that McCain was senile for years, including several during his run for president. This week, he confirmed what I have always known and it is this axiom: we need forced retirement for EVERYONE at age 70. If you hit that age, you can no longer work at any job anywhere, period. When people stay at a job longer than they should, like McCain who couldn't complete a sentence at the Comey hearing, they are taking that job away from a younger person who needs it more. If you want to work, start your own business or stay home and watch Wheel of Fortune because people like McCain and Pelosi are showing why they need to be in a home and not running the country.
6)The Democrats- What. A. Bunch. OF. PUSSIES! I watched Adam Schiff twist himself in knots during an interview rather than even say the word impeachment or treason. And then I go back and watch how Republican behave, and win elections as well, by trashing their opponent, facts be damned. Grow a pair! Pelosi, who looks like she could star in that awful Mummy remake, keeps saying they don't have enough proof yet. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THAT? You don't have to actually impeach Trump, just keep repeating over and over again that he SHOULD be impeached, that he is a traitor, that he is dangerous. Explain the only reason you are not going through with the action is the Republican controlled Congress, which is correct, and lay the blame on them being unamerican douchebags. This isn't hard. You live in a fact free universe now. Use it. Christ!
5)Evangelicals- Speaking of spineless pussies, I have this is say to anyone who is a born again or the like: FUCK OFF! Take your fucking Bible and cram it up your holier then thou ass. I have actually read the Bible, probably more than most of these assholes, and understand it. You guys cherry pick the shit you like and somehow ignore the most important part and that is the words of Christ. To these fuckers, it's like he doesn't exist. How can people who claim to be so in tune with Jesus fail to recognize that he believed in helping the poor and less fortunate? That he told people money was the root of all evil? And then they turn around and piss on the destitute while following a dick, like Billy Graham's evil offspring, who worship money more than God. It's just sad. The worst part is by aligning themselves with Trump, they have decided to no longer worship anyone but Baal, as that is what he represents. So these fuckers can shut the hell up about what is right and wrong because they have proven they don't have a fucking clue. If you can't tell, I hate the American Taliban and wish them all the worst the world can offer them.
4)James Comey- The man gave fairly good testimony and proved he is an honorable, decent man. He is also kind of a moron. In the court of public opinion between who I believe, Trump or Comey, there is no debate. However, I still can't wrap my head around why he decided to bring up Clinton's email controversy right before the election, when there was no good reason to, while not telling the American people Trump was also under investigation. Although part of the latter's reason was our former president was a giant pussy who didn't want to be seen as partisan and refused to tell the public about it, In hindsight, I am sure he sees that might have ended the planet because of it. Comey also lashed out at the NY Times for a false story, which is impossible as the story he mentioned has been independently verified by anyone with eyes. In the article, Trump and his team were linked multiple times to Russian contacts. How is that story wrong? By providing no context, we got no answers. Thanks Comey.
3)Republicans- This week, the House voted to get rid of Dodd/Frank, otherwise known as the only piece of legislation keeping us from sliding into oblivion. It may not be perfect, like Obamacare, but was a step in the right direction. Now, they want to go back to the good ole days where banks could rip you off with impunity and sink the economy due to bad bets because they know the taxpayers will refund them for. Good luck with that because that bird is not flying again. You want to start a civil war, bail out the banks again and give no help to taxpayers. We got the Tea Party last time because of it. This time will be bullets. Rumor is they will try to do some sort of half assed health care bill by the end of the month. If they decided to actually go through with this, and people start dying in the thousands, someone's getting shot and it won't be the democrats getting aimed at.
2)Eric Trump- It came out this week that Quasimodo's cancer golf tournament was a giant scam that actually made money for the Trump family to the tune of millions of dollars per year. Apparently Trump had a fit when he discovered that the foundation wasn't being charged anything for course fees and the like, so these assholes not only charged them, they did so at arm and a leg prices. Eric went on defend the practice but came across as the entitled dick he really is. I live for the day when the entire Trump family is behind bars.
1)Donald Trump- While he continues to crow about how he is completely vindicated by the Comey testimony, and echoed by some factions of Fox News, truth is, he is far from being in the clear. While there is not a lot of obstruction of justice problems that I forsee from his interactions with Comey, his firing is still problematic, He may have the right to do so at any times but the optics looks bad and sets the stage for impeachment for that reason alone. Add to that whatever Mueller is coming up with and he has a serious problem. The fact that people like Flynn, Manafort and his own son in law are under investigation taints his whole administration. And because Orange Hitler is still tweeting about things he shouldn't, the story never goes away. House Republicans are terrified they are about to be voted out en masse, which is a big possibility as the recent UK election showed young people showing up in droves to get rid of the corporate elite. 2018 is shaping up to be a big year for democrats if they can stay on message and not lose as they like to do. There are also still rumors going around that Trump is in real trouble and that the Mueller investigation may sink him. We can only hope because this insane clown president is destabilizing the earth, as I told you he would. Congratulations Trump for yet another win at the top spot, a record by the way for this column now seven years old. You are indeed douchebag of the week and almost certainly the eventual Douchebag of the Year.