Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Maybe after all the fake scandals we have been subjected to (Birthergate, Benghazi, IRS, Obamacare skulduggery and others), the citizens of this once great country have started to take a serious look at the morons they are voting in. A favorite of this column, Michelle Bachmann announced today she won't be running again after new polls show her favorability somewhere between OJ Simpson and a painful, rectal itch. She has not ruled another run for President which would be awesome as, not only is there no way she could ever win, she would also provide fodder for this site, and comedians worldwide, for years.

Another giant douchebag, Mitch McConnell, is seeing cracks in his chances to win come 2014 in his state of Kentucky. A recent poll by PPP showed him behind a rather unknown candidate by seven points. Now the poll itself is a questionable one as PPP is a very liberal polling site and some of the questions asked were misleading. Most of the questions were similar to asking this: "Would you vote for Mitch McConnell who has spent the past few decades doing everything he can to fuck your children in the ass or this nice saintly, democratic candidate?" That being said, Mitch McConnell is the second least popular candidate in Congress, just losing out to Jeff Flake(R-AZ), who may have killed his career by voting AGAINST legitimate gun control ideas. In some polls, he was behind actress Ashley Judd for God's sake and that woman's a loon. While the polls may be rigged toward the left, it still doesn't mean McConnell isn't in real trouble. The questions, while somewhat biased, are going to be the same talking points that will flood the airwaves during the campaign no matter who his opponent is. McConnell will be painted as a steward for the rich and powerful while voting to eliminate funding for things like SS, Medicare, and Planned Parenthood. His days may indeed be numbered.

On the GOP side for who may or may not be running, many have guessed that Chris Christie may run due to his weight loss surgery. But if the lunatic fringe still controls the nomination process, he won't win with his "liberal" ideas and chumming up to President Blackenstein. Bachmann has suggested she will run again, along with possibly Marco Rubio, Rand Paul and Ted Cruz. Not a winner there, that's for sure. Everyone one of them will get destroyed on the national stage for some of their less believable positions and Rubio's troubling case of the thirsties at inopportune moments.

The latest name thrown into the ring was Governor Scott Walker, who somehow still has a positive rating, even though he drove the state from 11th in job creation to 44th, cost the taxpayers millions in his health care plan (one that is far worse than Obamacare), and spent most of his term fighting off charges into campaign finance thievery. He has also defunded Planned Parenthood, depriving tens of thousands of women basic health care in the process, rejected federal funding for Medicaid, and is pushing tax cuts for the rich. Yeah, he'll be great as President (insert eye rolling here).

But the latest numbers show a real problem for the Republican party overall. A huge majority blame them for the countries troubles over Obama, are noticing that the Benghazi and IRS scandals are a whole lot of nothing, and have started fleeing from town hall meetings which now resemble a geriatric seminar where the average age of the attendee is over a million. Their base is dying out and the younger generation is not following their outdated, and somewhat draconian ideas.

The cherry on top this week was elder statesman, Bob Dole, who is the kind of Republican I have some respect for, talking to Fox News over the future of the GOP. He said they should put a sign on the door that says "Closed for Repairs," and not come out until next year with some positive ideas. Bravo, Mr. Dole. He also stated that people like Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and even himself wouldn't be allowed anywhere near the party that has gone too far to the right and now straddles a cliff. As they have become just the party of NO! with no other ideas to back up their statements, they are making the party look ridiculous and unelectable. If Bob Dole is noticing that, so are many, many Americans. And polls from legitimate sources echos that sentiment.

The GOP is doomed at present rate and only by addressing the issues with REAL solutions do they have any hope to get back on track. However, I think it may be too little too late and the GOP is going to fracture just like the boy scouts. The ultra-conservatives will break off and form their much smaller factions while the moderates do the same, leaving the Republicans in pieces. A unified Democratic engine will run over these people like they were standing still. We can all only hope that this does happen, because maybe we can start having national conversations that won't be constantly interrupted by some mentally challenged senator having a hissy fit over some imagined scandal that takes focus from everything that does need to be fixed.

End the Republican party today so we can start applying pressure to the Democrats that they too need to change and change in a big way. The future of this country rests with us. How sad is that?

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