1)Richard Mourdock- This man singlehandedly gave the White House to Mitt Romney. Mitt had conned the more stupid people in our country that he was a moderate and, as a result, was gaining back a lot ground with women voters. Then came this man who said rape was God's will during a moment of true stupidity, and WHAMMO, his numbers fell faster than Oprah toward the craft food table. Even better, Romney filmed an ad for this loser which came out at the same time as this controversy, so his smiling puss was seen right next to Mourdock's name, which at that point might as well have been Hitler's. Romney numbers tanked after that causing him to lose an astounding 38% of the vote for young women to Obama. A special Douchebag award goes to Mourdock for losing his huge lead in the polls and then his seat, with the added bonus of taking Romney with him. You will not be missed.
2)Florida- Somebody tell Florida that we have these things called com-put-ers that tally the votes in seconds, and can be done without vote rigging if certain safe guards are in place. It took these guys four days to count eight million votes apparently because Earl kept losing his place on his fingers and toes and kept having to start over. Four days? Really? Thank God it didn't have to come down to you guys because we would have been subject to 96 hours of Fox News bullshit, Republicans screaming about "voter fraud," and seriously debating whether the rest of us would eat a bullet or not to make it all stop. Seriously Florida, join us the rest of us in the 21st century. For God's sake, when Alabama and Texas outdo you, don't you think a little shame is appropriate?
3)Joe Walsh- This guy lost to Tammy Duckworth, a true hero who came back from the war missing both legs and has decided to enter public service with some good ideas. Walsh countered by calling her, and I swear this is true, "overly patriotic," and "using her disability to counter her lack of good ideas." The voters responded by tossing this ass to the curb.
4)Todd Akin- The man who got the ball rolling for the democrats when he said that magic GOP word "rape," that makes women's vaginas take over their brains and vote for anybody BUT the Republicans. This guy was running against the democratic incumbent Claire McCatskill, who was unpopular in Missouri for her support of ObamaCare. Then came Todd Akin who released his single with a bullet and his numbers crashed and burned like Josh Harnett's career. The GOP cut him loose after that and he never had the money to compete against his opponent. Haha.
5)Donald Trump- The publicity whore that he is was a spectacle to watch these past few years. He toyed with running for president and then backed down as he never was going to run in the first place. Then he channeled a plantation owner from the 1850's as his rants got more and more racist, demanding Obama's birth certificate, his college records and pictures of art work he did while a child at Camp Marxism Indoctrination Lake. His last "bombshell" blew up in his face as he offered Obama $5 million dollars to show his penis or some such nonsense as I tuned out his bullshit months ago. Go back to TV where you belong and embarrass another round of D-list celebrities. Speaking of which...
6)Meatloaf- Meat, I don't know happened while you were singing next to Mitt Romney and John Rich, but you might want to get that looked at. I've never seen a full on meltdown but I can now check that off my bucket list. Thanks for that viral video that really didn't help Romney in any way except to make him look even MORE stiff.
7)Dick Morris- He was wrong about everything. And I do mean everything. Anyone still listening to the ass, buying his books or giving him a dollar if you see him begging on the street, should be stopped immediately as they are WAY to stupid to live and are going to get someone killed with their idiocy. Morris looked at the numbers, decided he didn't like them and changed them in his own mind. He truly believed his bullshit. That is a dangerous man. Stay away from him.
8)Karl Rove- Karl Rove had the same mind set as Morris and payed for it on live TV. Rove sputtered that the numbers couldn't be right in Ohio after Fox News called the election for Obama causing Megan Kelly to question Rove's sanity in a true moment of absolute hilarity. I still have it on my DVR and play it when I need a good laugh. Then he forced her to go downstairs and talk to the boys in the numbers room who said there was NO chance for Romney to win. Karl looked like he was going to vomit blood. It is time for you leave and not come back. Two plus two equals four and I am tired of debating that.
9)Allen West-This douche is still fighting his loss in Florida. St Lucie has given in to his unreasonable demands and is now having a recount which is highly unlikely to swing the election back his way. You lose. Now go crawl back from whatever rock you crawled from under.
10)Fox News-The powerhouse that was Fox News is in real trouble. They have become so partisan that even if they uncover something important, nobody is listening to them because they play the CRY WOLF card way to often. An article in the UK's Telegraph newspaper said as much about it as well. In it they say that in the case like Benghazi, Fox News has uncovered a few real issues with the Obama administration's handling of the incident. However, as they have also buried those real questions under a mountain of bullshit, nobody is taking it seriously. They have undermined their own credibility to such an extent that if it comes from Fox now, the other major outlets worldwide are not going to take in seriously. Awesome. Way to make yourself irrelevant.
11)Bill O'Reilly- This Douche said Obama won because "People want stuff. They want things." Yeah like food, health care, a job that pays a decent wage and other things that shouldn't even be an issue. I'll be more than happy to trade a year's salary and see how much you like living in poverty. I am going to take a wild stab and say your worldview will be WAY different afterward.
12)Sean Hannity- Take your racist shit and start walking douchebag. You constantly have that smug look on your face that makes me want to kick you in the balls as hard as I can. If I can find them.
13)Newt Gingrich-GO. AWAY. FATMAN.
14)Unskewed/ Rasmussen/ and other conservative polling units- You guys were so wrong it was like the results came back to you in Chinese. How did they get it so wrong? A combination of right wing delusions, a lack of knowledge of demographics, and in a few cases, outright lying. The polling system you use is skewered to the right not the left, as you were told time and time again, so any poll that had any democrat up by three points was likely double that and the final results agree with me. Using these crap polls next time is going to up for serious debate if the GOP expects to accurately game the race.
15)Scott Brown- I warned Brown's office that what he was doing as Senator was going to be resulting in a quick career in politics and I was right. Voting for the Blunt Amendment, ending Unemployment benefits for millions and then lying about it during the debates, raising college tuition loans, and doing other things lock step with the GOP in a very blue state is not a way to get re-elected. It didn't help that he came across a real dick during the debates while Warren shined. You only got two years in the Senate as a result. Good.
16)Michelle Bachmann- How did this witch win? There's something wrong with the people of Minnesota.
17)Paul Ryan-We still have to deal with this moron in the House. Hopefully next time, we can give this Ayn Randian the heave ho he deserves.
18)Mitt Romney- You ran as an ultra conservative, a moderate and, I think, the latest judge on X Factor. You changed more positions than Lady Gaga changes clothes during a three hour concert. You were for abortion, then against it. You were for gay rights and then flopped the other way. You were a windsock of a politician and people HATE that. It is the exact same thing that killed Kerry when he ran as he pandered to EVERYBODY. People may have hated Bush but he didn't flip/flop as much about core convictions and is one of the reasons he won. The other is he cheated. But I digress. Romney had no connection to the middle class. He doesn't drink alcohol, or smoke cigarettes or even use coffee. When you have hundreds of millions of dollars and have nothing in common with the average man, how do you relate? You don't and you lose as a result. Romney, like Rove and Morris and others, were so sure they were going to win to such an extent, Romney hadn't wrote a concession speech which may have explained his delay in conceding. Hard to write a gracious exit, which Mitt did give, at the last minute. So that's it for the Mormon millionaire. Incidentally, more Mormons voted for Bush than Romney. That's funny. He couldn't even carry the Mormon vote. So congratulations Mitt Romney you are indeed Douchebag of the Week.
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