10)Hitler- My favorite story of the week was the historical revelation that not only did Hitler only have one ball, he also suffered from having a micropenis (excuse me while I laugh hysterically over that thought), otherwise known as "tiny dick syndrome," and a genetic anomaly where his urethra was on the underside of his shaft, meaning he had to sit to pee. Apparently, he had quite the "Holocaust" in his pants. It does make a lot of sense as to why he was so angry all the time. I would be too if my kibble and bits was super small and deformed. That is some king sized compensation and still, really funny.
9)Random Shooters/Stabbings- This week we saw not one but two idiots go on unexplained shooting spree. The first, Jason Brian Dalton, was an Uber driver who's mind appears to have snapped and killed six on a seven hour shooting rampage during which time he still continued to pick up passengers. That is some dedication to work. There is still no motive for why we did what he did, no history of violence or mental illness, nothing. More on that as it develops. The second was a little less surprising considering the shooter in Heston, Kansas, Cedric Larry Ford (what is it with the three names?) was a convicted felon who should never had access to the guns in the first place. An ex bought them for him, got them back with the help of the police, and then for some inane reason, gave them back to him after he threatened her. I don't know about you, but if someone threatened my life to get back guns they could then use to enact that threat, I would start carrying them and shoot that idiot first chance I had and claim self defense. He killed three and wounded fourteen more at his workplace after getting served a restraining order from an unrelated case, his spree cut down by a brave, lone police officer who went in sans backup. That's the kind of cops we need more of. Guns are not the only thing we need to worry about because NYC is seeing a sudden rise in knife attacks, with many slashings going on the subway, mostly due to the increase in homeless we are seeing due to lack of mental health in this country. The world is spiraling away, people. Bet on it. And getting rid of guns is not the answer. Restricting better who can get them is one however.
8)Phillip Chism- This waste of space who raped and murdered his 24 year old teacher when he was 14, just learned he will spent at least the next 40 years behind bars. The fact he attacked another woman while in lockup, did not spell good things for this ass to not get put away for life. The Supreme Court has ruled that giving the death penalty to juveniles is unconstitutional. This dick I think shows otherwise. Some people are just born evil. Phillip Chism is evil and having the possibility someone like this could escape, is more than enough reason to put him down. We don't allow dangerous animals to live, why are we any different? Enjoy Walpole, a rough prison for an 18 year old. His hell is just beginning.
7)The Oscars- Last year, the substandard Selma was nominated, but not for best actor setting off a firestorm of idiotic affirmative action nonsense that requires us to give awards to people because of skin color and not quality. Selma should have gotten squat because it wasn't a good movie. I thought this year would be the same but after watching Creed and Straight Out of Compton, both of which got almost no nominations other than for white writers and actors, they should have both been up for Best Picture. Likewise, Star Wars and Ex Machina should have been up there as well. Over the coming weeks, I will sit through Carol, Bridge of Spies and Brooklyn. and I have serious doubts I will find compelling reasons for any of those to have gotten any awards over the fantastic Compton which was magnetic and riveting. Creed was the best Rocky movie since 4, and Stallone was a supporting character here and rightfully nominated. But best actor nods should have gone to Michael B. Jordan for Creed and several of the people from Compton for at least supporting roles. This year, unlike the last one, should have had several people of color nominated and I am shocked and saddened by their omission. Having said that, I still don't think you should get an award just because you are black.
6)Playboy- In what can only be described as a serious break with reality, Playboy unveiled their new magazine, sans nudity, and I have to tell you, it is now nothing more than GQ/Maxim lite. I could live without the nudes, but they also jettisoned the cartoons, meaning no more Gahan Wilson whose comics I have read since I was a child, no more investigative reporting, no more sex advice and soon, no more readers because this is now a rag not worth having. The only article in it worth reading is a great interview with Rachel Maddow. That's it and the only things surviving the change. Six months from now, this magazine will be gone. The worst part was, the new pictures were not only super tame, but terribly shot. There's a reason SI had their biggest issue being the swimsuit one, and there is some nudity in that and great photography. These look they were shot by a student. Bye Bye Playboy. It was nice knowing you.
5)Hillary Clinton- If that shriveled old crone points and laughs to someone in the audience again, I am going to throw up. Who is voting for this idiot? We stand on a cliff where there is a good chance that she loses to Donald Trump. Even worse, I hate this bitch so much, I can't say I would vote for her at all. If we have Trump versus Clinton for the White House we all lose. Both of them will kill us all. Trump will start WW3 for some inane slight and Hillary will make sure no changes happen that need to, setting up the stage for a huge economic collapse. Wheeeee! I keep telling everyone, Bernie is our last and only hope and the best chance for the White House, as polls do prove. Instead we have three groups, rocketing us to failure. If a terrorist attack happens at any point in this country between now and election day, she and even Bernie would most likely lose. You want a false flag reason. That's a good one.
4)Old People- Old people showed up in droves to vote and overwhelmingly went one of two ways: Trump and Clinton. This means that Republican old people are now officially smarter than old liberals who are voting to keep the status quo,somehow unaware that is not tenable anymore. Trump may be a loose cannon but at least he's something different. Clinton is a vote for failure. Even worse, polls showed that many women 45 and up made up their minds months ago to vote Hillary because she has a vagina. There is no other reason to vote for that shrew. Thanks old people, you can all go die now. You've killed the rest of us.
3)Young People- I have called the latest generation Generation Wuss because they are a bunch of lazy, spoiled brats who cry and whine about fairness, having no concept as to what that word means. My opinion has not changed after looking at the data from Nevada and South Carolina. Youth turnout in NH and Iowa was okay, but actually down from 2008. The last two were abysmal, with youth turnout barley in double digits in SC. I said from the beginning if young people show up to vote, Bernie wins. If they sit on the asses in the parents basement they are never going to leave and the world ends. Bernie will most likely lose because the worst generation is fucking us blue. Thanks for nothing you giant douchebags.
2)Black people- Thanks for nothing as well black people. This week, we saw a black spree shooter in Kansas and convicted felon gun down three and injure 14 before a heroic white cop shot that dick down. You voted overwhelmingly for Hilary Clinton, whose husband did more damage to black people than all other Republicans combined. You demand the status quo change and then vote to keep it exactly the same. WHY? Black racist Melissa Harris Perry effectively quit her show on MSNBC, and most likely her career, after having a meltdown when she learned her show was pre-empted for the second week due to election coverage. She was fired today when her racist tweet explaining the "race" reason she was taken off the air for not behaving like a token black person. Right, because MSNBC isn't liberal at all. Her career is toast. Three black students from SUNY were arrested this week for making a false claim of a racist attack on a bus that never happened as well as assault. The three females, Ariel Aguido, Asha Burwell and Alexis Briggs, all 20, claimed they were attacked by white racists while riding a bus near campus. Video of the incident show no such thing. People do know everything is being recorded now right? In fact, the three women are all shown by several dozen videos taken of the incidents of actually being the aggressors and the only ones using racial slurs. Melissa Click, the idiot white professor from University of Missouri was fired this week after fallout from her telling students to attack another student came to a head. The fact that she was a journalism teacher is especially troubling. Her explanation is she thought the other student had a gun which is about as believable as the three SUNY students. The worst of the bunch however was the Nashville BLM movement which hit new lows of racism this week, They planned to hold a rally at a local Library but were incensed when they were told that white people would be allowed to attend as well. So let me get this straight, BLM meetings are for black people only? Reverse that and think how hard black people would complain and rightfully so. Instead they screamed about "white supremacy" as the library explained they cannot deny people access to a public library because it has the word PUBLIC in it. They then went on to piss on the Constitution as a "document for genocide," showing they don't know what any of those words mean. If you hate this country so much, move back to Africa. No one is keeping you here.
1)Republicans- What a shitstorm they were this week. Trump is on a roll, causing the establishment to freak out. Rumors of getting Mitt Romney on the ticket in NJ, NY and CA have surfaced should Rubio flame out in Florida, which looks likely. There has even been talk about throwing the race for Hillary while somehow keeping the Senate and House. Good luck with that strategy. Mitch McConnell decided for the rest of the country that no work should ever get done for any president in his final year including that which the Constitution specifically says by blocking any nomination to the Supreme Court, something even a majority of Republicans do not agree with. This type of partisan bickering is going to make sure nothing ever gets done until it is far too late. What's to stop democrats from being obstructionists as well if Republicans gain back the White House but not a supermajority? The debate this past week was the most childish thing I have ever seen and I used to work with children when I was in college. Talk about juvenile. None of them appear ready to be President and as much as I hate Hillary, even I have to admit she at least looks and acts Presidential, even if I do believe she will destroy this country once and for all. It has gotten so bad, I have seriously looked into moving to Canada and am making plans to do just that if the GOP wins big here. I cannot live in a country filled with such dumb people as to want this theocracy/fascist state that will arise. I have a feeling a lot of other might do the same. So congratulations anyone voting for these idiots, you are destroying this nation and are indeed Douchebag of the Week.
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