Sunday, August 14, 2016


The world went into meltdown this week as douchebags of all sorts came out of the woodwork, more than I have seen in some time. I have increased the number for this column to 14 which means less time spent on each asswipe but my God people lost their minds recently. You know the Pentagon fucked up hard if you could get the top spot over the Trumpster fire (now burning out of control and taking the GOP with it), BLM officially deciding terrorism is the only path they have left, the cops proving they are racist dicks and a host of other really dickless individuals. Let's see those runner ups in a truly sad week.

14)Evan McMullin- This guy is running for President. No seriously. Mad at the Republicans for becoming the new racist party, which they are, as the democrats now slide into corporate ownership, this idiot is wasting his time and ours. He cannot win as he no chance to get on even a third of the ballots nationwide. The only thing he will do is steal votes from Trump from the 12 people who would have voted for him. Whee.

13)Charee Stanley- This Muslim woman is suing Express Jet when she was fired for not doing her job. As a devout Muslim, she objected to serving alcohol. Express Jet tried to accommodate her, but fellow workers got pissed that they did all the work while she did nothing and they complained. They then told her to do it or else, she refused and so they let her go. Now she is suing them for discrimination. In this country, your religious beliefs only go so far. Just ask Kim Davis how that worked out for her. If you can't do your job because of your religious beliefs, find another line of work. We cannot change for everyone's idiot beliefs. If that's the case, I plan on inventing a religion that requires me to miss days of work at a time for "worship rituals" which includes video games, lots of sex and copious amounts of booze. God told me to. Prove otherwise.

12)Oksana Grigorieva- Mel Gibson's former girlfriend proved to be the proverbial dumb bitch we all knew she was. Look Mel is no prize but he got railroaded by a greedy ex who claimed he beat her. While that may or may not be true, the audio tape she provided as proof was found to be heavily edited by professionals, including myself who thought the sound was choppy and showed signs of altering. Now before any of this came out, she was going to get 15 million to keep her mouth shut. She thought she's get more in court and went hog wild with the accusations, all of which were suspect. The court felt the audio WAS a fake and with little other evidence other than some witnesses and Mel's background and she was awarded 750,000 dollars. All she had to was follow a gag order. She blew that right after, appearing on the Howard Stern show and blabbing about all the stuff she wasn't supposed to be talking about. That resulted in her only getting 250,000 instead. 15 million to 250,000. Way to go idiot.

11)Pat Smith and Charles Woods- These two dickhead are suing Hillary Clinton over, sigh, Benghazi because their children died there. I am sorry they died but enough already. GOP douchebag lawyer Larry Klayman is behind this, an asshole with a hard on for the Clinton's. This suit has political hack written all over it. As the cuts to funding for security BY the GOP was a major contributor to the Benghazi attack, maybe these two should be suing them instead. The case has ZERO chance of success and is ruining the memory of their kids. Fuck off.

10)The Olympics- Somebody please stop NBC from ruining the Olympics. They are cramming an obscene amount of ads into each half hour (at least five more minutes) meaning we are getting at best seventeen minutes of sports followed for thirteen minutes of ad space. On top of that the commentary is terrible, they keep cutting away from sports going long to focus on something else and they built zero suspense for anything. I've seen public access shows done better. The one bright spot is my girl, Leslie Jones, who is rapidly becoming one of my favorite people and showing true team spirit and enthusiasm at all the events she is at. WHY IS SHE NOT DOING COMMENTARY OR INTERVIEWS FOR SOME OF THIS! Oh my God, her doing any of that would make me watch every damn ad they put on because I wouldn't want to miss a minute. Also, Rio has already seen Ryan Locte and a judo contender robbed at gunpoint, the pool water turned green for some inane reason and one guy on a yacht came down with something like super syphilis from the shitty water they are riding on. There's a reason this Olympics is really low rated.

9)Delta- A power outage took out there entire computer system world wide. Most companies have back-ups of this kind of thing, but not Delta. That failed too, which should be impossible according to people who do this for a living. But this is par for the course where NO money is being used to affect infrastructure in any company, a historic low actually, while the line their pockets instead. These kinds of things are happening more and more and it's not hackers causing the problems but inept, greedy CEO's.

8)Gary Durham- This guy served ten years for a road rage incident in which he killed someone. Flash forward some time later and history repeated itself, only this time Durham was the one dead on the ground in yet another road rage incident. Someone forgot to tell him that in the ten years he was in prison, a lot of people got guns and use them for the dumbest or reasons. If he was going to anger management classes, they certainly were not working.

7)The DEA- We constantly hear about organizations that candidates want to get rid of. No ever says the DEA, which is too bad because they are the most dangerous, least useful organization in the entire country. There is NO reason for the DEA. NONE! All it's doing is ending society as seen in several following entries coming up. If we treated drug problems as a social one not legal, we could do so much good for this country it is not even funny. But these assholes are dragging is down. This week, after the Obama administration and DOJ urged taking pot off the schedule one list, the DEA balked and said they had no evidence that pot had any medical benefits, which is the same as saying you don't need air to breathe or water isn't wet. There is countless data, including ones that are done by our own government that say otherwise, not to mention decades of data from places that have legalized pot, medical or otherwise. This organization needs to go. Too bad that is unlikely.

6)Turkish PM Erdogan- This asshole is moving closer and closer to Putin, a slap in the face to NATO whose sole job is to be AGAINST things like communism. Erdogan is positive we were behind the attempted coup against him which is stupid because if we had, it would have worked. There is no way we would have let Erdogan free to broadcast while away, which grabbing the current leader is Coup 101. This was either amateur hour or a fake coup. Either way. Erdogan is dangerous.

5)Kathrina Pierson- Spokesgoblin for Trump, Pierson, has gone into overdrive to explain the nutty things Trump is doing and failing at it pretty bad. She has tried to explain his assassination "joke" was sarcasm, that his attacks on Gold Star families is an exaggeration by the media, blamed Obama for the invasion of Afghanistan in 2004, and just today said that Trump releasing his taxes was a "novelty tradition," that Trump wasn't about to follow. Fox news went after her over and over, correctly saying him not releasing his taxes is hurting his numbers. A majority of Trump supporters, around 63%, want him to. He won't do it because I think he is not as rich as he says he is. This isn't going away and this troll is not competent enough to spin it his way.

4)Trump- You know it is a fucked up week when this guy not only isn't at the top spot, he isn't even in the top three. Another bad, bad week for the Trumpster fire as his threat against Hillary to have his supporters shoot her isn't going away. He claimed sarcasm, and then backtracked on that seconds later. This is serious people. Our president can't be sarcastic or make jokes like this because it could start the next world war. You can't joke about nukes and then wonder why the world just ended. Reagan did that and almost got us all killed when Russians heard him say on a hot mike that missiles were headed their way. Thankfully, nothing happened, but it was close when the Russians went into high alert. He also released his tax plan which was nothing more than trickle down shit that has never worked anywhere ever. So let's review, he makes jokes that could get us all killed, has plans that will ruin the economy and end health insurance forever, and won't release his tax returns for some bullshit reason. And then people wonder how he could be losing this badly.

3)Baltimore Police Department- A new DOJ report came out this week that might as well have been a photocopy of the one on Ferguson. In it, we find out that cops really are racist douchebags who keep harping on innocent black people just cause. One guy was stopped thirty times in four years. How is that possible? Shouldn't all cops know by the second or third stop, this isn't a guy worth stopping? Now, there is also another side to this story and that is black people are rapidly becoming second class citizens, a lot by their own hand. One of the reasons cops and black people keep interacting is a prevalence of crime in black communities. A recent study showed that the more black people concentrated in one area, the greater the crime rate. poverty and lack of good schools and jobs. It's everyone's fault at this point but the cops do have to set a higher example.

2)BLM- These assholes are setting back race relations decades at this point. After a legitimate shooting of an armed felon, who happened to be black, in Milwaukee, black protesters went on a rampage doing the usual burning down their own neighborhoods. But they also went a step further and proved my point about rampant racism in the black community by attacking innocent white people, specifically because of the color of their skin. That is RACISM! And as video exists of this, it's hard to explain away. White people are becoming more and more racist America because of this, and this is why. You want to know why people like Trump, here is a prime example. If we can't work together and soon, there is going to be bloodbaths and walled off ghettos, Israel style. Stop hating white people and non existent white privilege. We are all getting screwed. Deal.

1)The Pentagon- This week, it came out to NO media at all that the Pentagon "lost" over 6 trillion dollars. That's with a T people. This is not the first time either. A few years back they lost 4 trillion and the day before Sept 11th, 2001, they lost 2.3 trillion. This is impossible. You cannot lose this amount of money and not know where it went. A few million here or there I get. Six trillion is bullshit. The money that this could have been used for could have shorn up social security for a century, fixed every infrastructure problem in the US and gave all of us a $10,000 bonus per citizen. Instead it went into some greedy fuckers pocket. And no one said boo about it! This kind of theft needs to stop and it is destroying this country. We can't stand for this anymore. Regardless of who wins, which at this point is Hillary by a landslide, this needs to be addressed. But as the zombie public doesn't read anything without Pokemon on it, good luck with that. So congratulations Pentagon thieves you are indeed douchebag of the week.

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