DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: EVERYONE IN THIS WEEK'S PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

There were no real winners in the debate this week. Not Romney who lied with a stunning regularity. Not Obama who sleepwalked throughout the whole thing. And certainly not Jim Lehere who was steamrolled over by both candidates. Let's see those runner ups.

1)American Airlines- I don't ask much from an airplane I am on. I don't care that you no longer serve food. I don't care that the seats are so close together that I can give the guy in front of me a rectal exam. I don't care that the airline attendants are all gay or older than my long dead grandmother. But I do have a serious problem when the seats are not bolted to the floor. Three separate flights had to return to the airport after the loose seats got noticed. Dozens of more flights were cancelled as the problem went widespread and was blamed on clamp failures, loose bolts and, I kid you not,  soda spilled. Feel free to keep flying this worthless airline but only if you don't mind slamming into the row in front of you.

2)Scott Brown- Brown is now running ads accusing opponent Elizabeth Warren of siding with large corporations over the average Joe. This is a total lie which is all the GOP seems capable of and a desperate sign of a floundering campaign. Time to go Scott. Take you truck and cram it.

3)MSM- A CNN insider has come forward to tell us all that the news is, GASP, rigged. According to former reporter Amber Lyons, CNN routinely uses prepackaged government propaganda and blackouts of real news rather than asking reporters to do their jobs. As I witnessed similar stuff when I worked for CBS and local newspapers, this is completely true. The local food pantry was giving poor people expired food and when I went to the editor with the story, it got killed as the owner is friends with the guy who runs the organization. This happens everywhere. CNN, like Fox News, is nothing more than propaganda. Unlike Fox News, they suck at it. The media is lying to you and insiders are telling you it is true. Read my blog for the real news. A sure sign that things are not going well for truth in media is the fact that exit polls are being scaled back due to "budgetary issues." Nineteen states are being eliminated from the poll listed here: Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Nebraska, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia and Wyoming will be excluded from the poll, as will the District of Columbia. If you are going to fix the election, these would be the good states to start with.

4)Fat People- I am sick and tired of hearing how fat people should be protected under the Americans with Disability Act. Only in this country would access to too MUCH food be a disability. Eat less, eat better and exercise and you will lose weight. No one leaves the Biggest Loser looking like a cow still. Mind you it is true that the show puts people through a gauntlet of exercise that most people wouldn't be able to accomplish and work at the same time but does demonstrate that ANYONE can lose weight if they want to. This week a news anchor from Wisconsin, Jennifer Livingston, got an email politely stating that as a role model for young girls shouldn't she lose weight. Instead of seeing this as a call to arms that maybe she is too fucking fat, she decided that she would berate the emailer as a "bully" who was picking on fat people. In no part of that letter was she being bullied. This is bullying: LOSE SOME WEIGHT YOU FAT FUCKING COW. I CAN BARELY SEE THE WEATHER MAP BEHIND YOUR FAT ASS. That is not what the letter said. It reminded her that she is a role model and being the size of a house is not good for young people to see, a fact I agree with. She pulled out the old chestnut of "I have a thyroid problem." I know people with thyroid problems and while one is quite large, she also eats the worst foods one can eat for weight gain. The other two eat correctly, exercise and have kept the weight to manageable levels. I am a diabetic. I don't eat tons of candy and then blame Willy Wonka for me losing my foot. Take some personal responsibility and stop comparing someone pointing out a real problem and turning it back into "I am fat and proud." No one should be fat and proud. That's how we get shows like "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo."

5)Syria- This week Syria shelled mortars across the border into Turkey. No better place to start a war than in the Middle East because no bad thing could happen there (insert heavy sarcasm here). Syria is out of control and no one knows how to fix anything. Sounds like every other country on Earth.

6)Extremist Muslims- This week on World Dumbest Religious Wingnuts, a riot nearly broke out in France when an exhibit showing Islamic Art was deemed "blasphemous" and the whole project had to be scrapped. Apparently, verses of the Koran were accidentally projected onto the floor, causing the issue in general. These assholes are going to destroy us all with their high strung religious sensibilities. Robert Maplethorpe's controversial artwork, Piss Christ returned to New York this week to no protests, no Catholics killing anyone who saw it, or any problems in general. Even when it first premiered decades ago, no one died because of it the either, although protests were seen and that is fine as long as they are peaceful. Time to enter the 21st century people.

7)The Debates- There were no winners at all from the worthless debate this week. Romney lied, lied and then lied some more, but he won apparently as, in our society, there always has to be a winner. Obama may have actually been suffering from altitude sickness after all, after talking with several people who have had that issue and a doctor who has treated people with symptoms and all say the President did seem to be suffering from it. Al Gore's response may not be that far fetched after all. Still, his performance was stilted and weak. Jim Lehere's last debate, at least I hope, show he is way too old to be of any relevance, not to mention the fact that he kept answering the same godamned question over and over. The voters got nothing from it other than seeing Baron Munchhausen, Rip Van Winkle and Methuselah go at it and to quote Shakesphere was "a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing.". The ultimate douchebags in all of this was anyone who said either of these two asses won. So congratulations to you, the unknown, most likely undecided voter, who hold the fate of the country in your indecisive hands. You are without a doubt douchebag of the week.