Thursday, July 31, 2014


It has been a been a banner week for some of the most truly dumb things said by anybody in some time. It has been a smorgasbord of stupidity so mind blowing I can hardly type this article without laughing hysterically, somewhere between hilarity and tragedy, between sanity and madness. That's how stupid some of this stuff is. You will be seeing a brief repeat of everyone here I am sure come Sunday for my douchebag of the week column.

Let's start with the Republican party. It has been a non-stop parade of insanity this week from the group that can't seem to get out of it's own way. We have their leader, John Boehner, actually claim that all the talk about Obama's impeachment is a "democratic fantasy" dreamed up by the White House to bolster their sagging numbers. While that is a fair assessment of Obama's popularity right now, Boehner clearly thinks no one listens to the news, watches TV or even exists I guess. Who is voting for this man who is clearly insane? Nevermind the fact, that this subject as been non-stop on Fox news, resulting in Fox & Friends resident moron, Steve Douchey (I know that name is misspelled but that's what I insist on calling this absolute retard) actually said this: "“I don’t know anybody — conservatives or Republicans — who are talking about impeachment,” he said. “And that’s true. The people in my everyday life.” Sitting next to him at the time, was Judge Napolitano, who has been calling for Obama's impeachment for months now, mostly on FOX & FRIENDS. Douchey later said that both the judge and Sarah Palin had been calling for the impeachment. Why is this guy in news when he can't even remember stuff from his own show?

This GOP invention is sad, especially as several candidates for the House are running on impeachment ads that are airing right now. Both Jodi Ernst, running for a House seat in Iowa, and Lenar Whitney (Lenar?) running in Louisiana, have both publically called for Obama's impeachment, as well as dozens of current members, meaning John Boehner must be suffering from Alzheimer's and should be removed from office immediately. The White House is not calling for impeachment, the Republicans are, as they are SAYING IT OVER AND OVER!

Speaking of the two dimwits above, Whitney and Ernst have both been described as Palin-esque and not in a good way. Whitney recently gave an interview to Yahoo Finance to which she ran out half way through after it became apparent she had the brain power of a four year old. She started the interview talking about global cooling, to which the interview correctly asked her to name any reputable scientist of paper that had proven this inaccurate theory, to which she had nothing. I have disproven this theory as well as there is zero science to back this up. In other words, this is just like Obama's impeachment "hoax" that flies in the face of reason. When the interview got to Obama's place of birth (is this still an issue with people?), she hummed and hawed about it, until her advisors whisked her out of the room, calling the question " a Palin-like sneak attack." Yeah, that's just what it was.

Ernst, on the other hand, is best known for her ad talking wishfully about her days growing up cutting off pig's nuts. Yuck. Lately, she suggested Obama impeachment was in the cards, but walked it back after Boehner must have reamed her a new one as they try to distort the truth, again. Then she started talking about nullification ways to repeal Obama laws she disagreed with, as Republicans were standing against this, and again, that angry call from John Boehner must have occurred because she shut up quick about that too. If she's this malleable now, imagine how bad she'll be in Congress. Wake up Iowa and stay away from the castration cow. She will de-nut you. She has almost literally told you that.

Market Basket has told their employees if they don't return to work by Monday they can find new jobs. This would be a media disaster if they go through with it as I would never enter a Market Basket even if I was bleeding to death and they had the last tourniquet. Thousands of others would agree with me. And what idiot would go to work for someone that has demonstrated they will treat you like dirt, fire you at the drop of a hat and pay you less than you can make somewhere else. The quality of people that will attract will not make customers happy. Plus when you jack up the prices, as the board has already suggested doing, even fewer people will shop there. This is a train wreck and I couldn't be happier about it. No one should be shopping there and if the workers are fired, that place should be Three Mile Island circa 1979 abandoned.

But I have saved this best for last because it not only demonstrates that some Republicans would have to have a few more IQ points just to be called "mentally challenged," but also that private schools run by people like Clarke Woodger would make our children dangerously stupid. Woodger runs the private school Nomen Global Language Center out of Provo, Utah whose reviews for have been less than spectacular even before this major dust up. Seems one of the bloggers the school pays to get recruitments wrote a pro-gay column that this religious, I am guessing Mormon from the area, idiot didn't like this and then fired him for it. Only problem was the blogger wasn't writing about homosexuality but homophones. That's right, the guy who owns a school teaching children English from other countries didn't know what a homophone was. That's priceless. This is from the Raw Story:

I’m letting you go because I can’t trust you,” Woodger allegedly said. “This blog about homophones was the last straw. Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality.”

Woodger also allegedly complained that he didn’t know what homophones — words that sound identical while having different meanings and spellings — were, and that it was the kind of “advanced stuff” Nomen did not teach its students. He also accused Torkildson of not being reliable enough to continue working for the school.

“I never have any idea what you’re going to do next. I can’t run my business that way,” Woodger said, according to Torkildson. “You’d probably make a great college professor, but since you don’t have a degree you’ll never get that kind of work. I would advise you to try something clerical, where you’ll be closely supervised and have immediate goals at all times. That’s the only kind of job you’ll ever succeed at.”

As a professional writer, I have no words for this. This is the modern day GOP. I am not saying the democrats are perfect or even trustworthy. But when this is the alternative, what choice do we have?

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