For the first time in the history of writing this column, I am almost at a loss for words. There were so many douchebags across the wide spectrum of the world that I am taken aback by the mind blowingly asininity that most of our species has arrived at. Liberals have lost their minds, conservatives should be committed, Democrats are ending the planet and Republicans literally killed people this week. Where does it end? In a giant mushroom cloud it seems. After reading this list, you may agree that might not be such a bad thing. On any other given week, almost everyone on this list would have made the top spot. That is telling. Here's the runner ups, almost all of which should be number one and a lot will make my douchebag of the year list. Try not to slit your wrists after reading all of this stupidity. Trust me, it'll be hard not to.
10)Black Friday- Turns out not having any money turned this usually busy shopping day into a walk on the park in some places. True, some had the chaos we have come to expect, but many chose either to shop from home or not at all. The results will be out later today as to who did what, but many are thinking that for the third year in a row, sales will be down across the board. Walmart, Old Navy and the Gap are expected to be down as clothes did not fly off the shelves. The places where people behaved like savages are a foreshadow of what might happen when we run out of food. Then having a gun won't seem so stupid will it?
9)Frankenstein Movies- Can we please just stop making Frankenstein movies for a while? The latest misfire, which have been occurring ever since Young Frankenstein, is the film Victor Frankenstein. It absolutely bombed in the theaters, pulling in a measly $3.4 million and $10 more overseas. For a $40 million budget plus advertising costs, this film is a dud and looked it. Maybe Universal will finally get it right when they bring back the old monsters like Dracula, the Mummy and the Wolfman.
8)Pfizer- I hate Big Pharma. My insurance just went up another whopping $40 a month which means, since 2012, my rates have gone up $120 a month. That is outrageous, especially when the government keeps telling me inflation is at record lows. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? The number one reason is these assholes keep raising the prices unchecked on everything and then turn around and run away from their tax obligations by relocating to Ireland in yet another corporate inversion. This industry needs to be nationalized stat because the free market is NOT working when it comes to health care, which it never does. Obamacare is failing for all the reasons I said it would and as we have a portion of the government that wants it to fail, with no backup plan, we could be really screwed and it will be the fault of both sides as no one wants to do anything about this growing issue.
7)The New York Times and MSM- The MSM reached a new low this week, actively pushing Obama's agenda toward getting rid of Syrian leader Assad by reporting news that was blatantly false. It was so bad that even the most jaded person noticed the level of bull coming from this once grand paper. Unfortunately, for decades, it has been a propaganda rag that helped sell a gullible public (including myself due to the traitor Colin Powell) the Second Gulf War and has since done much the same. Here's a link to it's story tying Assad to ISIS and completely ignoring Turkey as the driving force of evil in the region:
That is some world class bullshit. Why would Assad buy oil from his enemy, when Russia and Iran are only too happy to sell him everything he needs? And as I will discuss later, Turkey is buying hundreds of millions on oil from ISIS, yet the paper says nothing. Obama and the world continue to have an irrational hard on to end Assad that stinks of the Second Gulf War and Saddam Hussein's removal. I was fooled once, not again guys. Assad is NOT the problem anymore. ISIS is and we are doing nothing to combat it.
6)Donald Trump and 9/11- As much as I do like the guy for some reasons, he makes it difficult to defend him this week with two major faux pas. The first was Trump saying he saw thousands of Muslims cheering the fall of the World Trade Center on 9/11. I find this hard to believe. I have several Muslim friends and they were horrified, like most were, when it happened. There were celebrations mind you, but they were all overseas in places like Gaza and Iran. There is no video footage from anywhere that says what he said happened. If it exists, show me and I will retract it but until that happens, this is going to be ruled untrue. Worse, was his mimicking a NYT reporter (I get the irony as I just laid into them) who is disabled was kind of troubling and will not win him any points but I also doubt will hurt him either. It is looking like Trump versus Hillary at this point which would make this the worst election in human history. I may have to move.
5)Larry Taylor and Jalen Watson- These two fuckwads should be at the top of the heap this week for what they did to a pregnant woman, but God help us all, there were actually worse people out there. These two waste's of space should be executed by fire ants after raping and murdering this poor woman who was eight months pregnant during a failed burglary but instead they face years in prison. That'll teach them. Both are career criminals and there is no reason to keep assholes like this in prison sucking up space and resources. Burn them alive in public and show people what happens when you cross a line. This world is dying and we are helping it along keeping pieces of shit like this around.
4)Corey Morgan- What is it with black people this week? Yet another cock who should be facing a firing squad for the murder of a nine year old in Chicago over a drug war. This is getting old. How come BLM isn't protesting this asshole or the two above? Whatever gang this dork is in is screwed as the police are going to eviscerate it.
3)Jason Van Dyke and the city of Chiago- Proving my point that not only cops but cities as well can no longer be trusted to police themselves comes this story. A recently released video shows this now ex-cop assassinating Laquand McDonald while walking down the street, knife in hand. At no point does the black youth make any threatening movements, but is instead shot sixteen times, even after he has fallen to the ground. He is facing homicide charges which should be the end of the story. Right? Hardly. This part of the story is so awful it will almost certainly be on my Douchebag of the Year column and the fact it IS NOT number one, tells you how bad the next two must be. The authorities, including the mayor, former Obama staffer Rahm Emmanuel, the police cheif and prosecutor all conspired to over this story up. Only after more than a year and a lawsuit was the video released which shows what really happened and not the bullshit story the cops and officials kept repeating. Worse, none of the video has audio who unknown reasons and Burger King has admitted publicly that video evidence was erased by the police soon after. This is outrageous and for once BLM not only has a point, I agreed with their protests this week shutting down the Magnificent Mile on Black Friday. Everyone here should be forced out of office for this nonsense that if it wasn't for citizen justice as the local press was no help, this case would have never seen the light of day. Where are the arrests for the cops who made false statements and committed a crime erasing evidence? How come it took over a year and only after the video was released against your wishes did any arrest happen? And why in the blue FUCK is the police union backing Van Dyke, a guy obviously guilty? Cops are becoming more and more untrustworthy while the city and unions hide their crimes. Expect violence if some of these idiots don't step down soon.
2)Republicans, Abortion and Robert Lewis Dear- Well it finally occurred: the Republican party and their drivel have caused their first murders. Robert Dear went into a Planned Parenthood in Colorado this week, killing three and wounding nine. He was muttering about "no more baby parts," which is a long discredited story that supreme douchebags like Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina have spouted for months. The funny part is, they may have both opened themselves up to lawsuits as free speech does not apply to incitement to commit crimes using false info which they are both guilty of. Good. I fucking HATE these two, along with the rest of the anti-abortion crowd which have gone way too far in their idiotic vendetta. Abortion is a personal choice and NOBODY'S GODAMNED BUSINESS! Stay out of things that don't affect you. There are no Biblical passages to stand on (life begins at breath according to it) and no good science either. Take your beliefs and stuff it already. Abortion is the law of the land and if you don't want one, don't get one but stay out of my way and the hundreds of millions of us who believe otherwise. I don't come into your house and proclaim my God let's me fuck your wife or daughters whenever I want. Grow a brain.
1)Turkey and Recep Erdogan- Regular readers know I am no fan of the Turkish leader but this week he crossed a line that no one seems to be calling him on from the West. Dickhead shot down a Russian plane that couldn't have been in it's airspace for more than 17 seconds, sparking an international crisis in the process. Russia has cut all ties with Turkey and let them know that if they stray into Syrian airspace now, they will be shot down as well. What do you think will happen if that scenario plays out and NATO is forced into a nuclear war they didn't want? Worse, the Turkish economy is going to start sputtering as Russia is only behind Germany in tourism, a fact that may wreck their world without a shot being fired. Plus, fuel that Turkey was buying from Russia may also be in jeopardy. Actual journalists out there discovered that Erdogan's son is buying $800 million worth of oil from ISIS and selling weapons to them on a grand scale. Explain to me how Assad is the problem again? This loon could start WW3 and no one seems to be reporting that anywhere. Meanwhile, our increasingly unstable President, spent all week doing damage control with little effect. Russia is looking at us even worse, even though we share a common enemy, which is an utter failure of diplomacy that is stunning in it's ineptitude. This guy is going to get us all killed so congratulations Turkey and Erdogan, you are indeed douchebag of the week.