Wednesday, November 25, 2015


It's time for my annual things I am thankful for column and then will be back on Sunday with another chock full of douchebags.

I am thankful I live in a society where free speech is a guaranteed right even if Marxist, spoiled Millennials think otherwise. It's why I can write words like gay, retarded and nigger and not have the PC police stop me no matter how much they cry and whine. You guys can take your safe spaces and cram it with onions.

I am thankful I do not live in Europe home to extremists, martial law, and Angela Merkel. We are throwing a fit over 10,000 refugees, while they are getting millions, some from areas that aren't even at war leading to huge strife between the cultures. Expect this to end as badly as you think.

I am glad I am not Bill Clinton who has to wake up next to that thing every day.

I am glad I am not most of the Republicans running for office because I like being smart.

I am thankful not to be a vegan when the turkey comes out because I love eating meat, even if it's filled to the brim with chemicals and hormones and other awful things. At least when I die, my body will be perfectly persevered.

I am glad I am straight as butt sex sound awful, especially if I am the one getting it. Nothing wrong with being gay, but it is not my cup of tea. On the other hand, if that's what gets you off, Mozel Tov.

I am thankful that when WW3 starts, I will get to watch the whole thing with a tub of popcorn and HDTV. Those explosion are going to look great in high def.

I am glad I do not live in a Muslim nation where I have to have an itchy beard, pray to Mecca five times a day and marry some woman sight unseen who may have a pot belly and a unibrow.

I am glad I do not work for the Obama administration because I would have ripped all my hair out by now.

I am thankful I am not a Republican as I would have to lobotomize myself to fit in.

I am glad I am not black as getting shot by the cops while carrying my wallet, who scream GUN instead, looks like a real bummer. BLM has a point but these guys have to start getting their message out better.

I am very thankful for my fiancee, my family, my friends and you out there reading this, giving me some glimmer of hope that people who seek the truth exist. Happy Thanksgiving all.

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